A is 25 and had been with her kids father for over 5 years and they have 4 kids together 2 of them are in Foster care till they r 18 and the other 2 kids are under guidance of DHS. A has never been really happy with K and chose to go on oasis and find a new guy E who is 20. She does and ends up cheating on K for 2 weeks using me as a scapegoat saying she with me when in reality she was with E. She then announces on Facebook that she is no longer with K n she is now with E. Everyone is like wtf A.


2 days later K kicks her out but he keeps the youngest 2 kids. I say that A can stay with me until she finds a place. I have met E 3 times and after the 3rd time I find the guy to be very immature and irresponsible i.e. speeding through the hills with a kid in the back of the car, or saying how A is going to buy him a fancy car for their one year anniversary. I get fed up with her staying here as after a week she spent only one night here with me n the rest she spent with E so I ask her to leave.


Then on new years day I get a phone call from her telling me she is now pregnant to E. I tell her that she was stupid to get pregnant to E n that with things the way they are between her and the department she will most likely loose the baby at birth. A week later A and E move in together. One week later things with E comes to a head as he starts to act very controlling with her. Cracks the ****s every time she goes to see the kids, doesn't like her talking to her ex about the kids etc. She tells me via Facebook that I was right about him. And later that night they split up and E moves out after he makes her choose him or the kids. She chose the kids.


She swears to me n her ex K that she and E will not be getting back together at all and that she will be getting an abortion as K and I have spelled it out to her what will happen if she keeps the baby. She also says that she regrets cheating on K and throwing everything away for immature E. Now miraculously as of last night she and E are now back together and she is no longer getting the abortion.


I am completely stunned that she has done this as its like she really doesn't regret what she did to her kids or their dad. Instead she chooses to go back to a guy that none of her friends like and has chosen him over her kids as whist A has been with E she has barely seen her kids and even cancelled the kids Xmas lay-by just so she could spend the money on clothes for herself.

And you're surprised that a lady that lost two of her kids and is well on track to lose the other two is NOT a good judge of what is right and wrong because...why?

She hasn't screwed up her life. This is the life she's chosen for herself. Should her life be easier than this? Absolutely. Will your input help her see that and change for the better? Not a chance. Let it go.

Using numbers to count = awesome.
Using numbers to write = difficult and makes it hard to read!

I don't really see a question here other than the title. In which case, did your friend screw up her life? The answer is most definitely a "yes".

Was there a question in there, aside from the title? I don't know what it matters if a bunch of strangers say if your friend has screwed up her life or not. The thing about life is that it isn't a win or lose situation, people get out of bad situations all the time. Sometimes they don't. If you screw up it doesn't mean you are out of the game for good. Wish her the best, get away from the drama, move on and stop using a number when you mean to use a word.

I'm looking for a place to vent and get others opinions on the situation as I am sick to death of her lying and saying she is remorseful for what she did and 5 days later goes and gets back with the guy she was apparently so remorseful for cheating on.

Vent away!

I had a friend who I had to watch do some of the same things you talk about, and then some. It is hard to watch someone you care about do such foolish things and watch their kids suffer because of their choices.

In the end, her choices and lifestyle came between us and we are no longer friends, unfortunately. I did all I could for her kids while she had custody of them. When she lost them, it was almost like it hurt me more than her. She said it was best for them and her that they be in the custody of their father figure. Broke my heart to hear her talk like that.

I wish the best for your friend's kids. I would be more concerned about them.

kk~

All you can do is distance yourself from her. Whatever drama she has going on in her life needs to be apart from you and your life. If you don't like how someone is living their life, you can only act on your behalf to involve or distance yourself from the situation. If you're frustrated that you feel she is making bad decisions, you can tell your opinion once, but after that you either need to be there for regardless of her actions or you need to leave the situation.

While we all understand the need to vent about situations, generally the consensus is that frankly, how she lives her life is non of your business. If she's dragging you into it, then either you need to be proactive in removing your name from the scenario. If you're not hanging out with her and not inviting her into your life, then it becomes farfetched for people to believe her lie that she was spending her time with you when she was with her ex.

Also, I agree with everyone else. Spell out your numbers. Five times, not 5 times. And punctuation helps. Some of those sentences are mighty long and could use a comma to break things up. It helps us the readers to be able to get to the meat of the matter.

^ Writing numbers is fine. However, substituting numbers for actual words is not. Such as 4 instead of for, 2 instead of to. That's what the above posters were referring to.

KK, i worry about those kids something shocking. Since hooking up with E, she has barely spent any time with them. She has told me once she gets settled in her new house she wants to get custody back of the youngest two kids off K. I highly doubt K or the DHS will let that happen. She just wants the kids back for the money she gets off the government for looking after them.

I saw the kids last weekend when K came round to talk to me about A and those kids seemed 10x happier with K than when A was looking after them full time.

When I first read the title of the thread I thought your friend had made one major screw up. Like getting pregnant, failing school, doing drugs etc. However your post suggests that your friend has done multiple stupid things which are all going to end up the same way.

I think what has happened is that you have woken up and become disillusioned with your friend. To be honest, I would too. Friends can hurt you with their stupid decisions.

The thing is right from your very first sentence

A is 25 and had been with her kids father for over 5 years and they have 4 kids together 2 of them are in Foster care till they r 18 and the other 2 kids are under guidance of DHS.

To me at least it was apparent that she's not taking responsibility for any of her actions, she is choosing to do this.

Two of her kids are in foster care until they are 18? That is a really long time to be in foster care. My heart is just broken for them.

It is like they are under a life sentence while the mom in question goes about her business of hurting more of her children. Won't she relinquish the older two for adoption? This is just so sad for the kids.

Is your friend in therapy? If not, she should be.

Hugs to you. It's hard to watch this kind of stuff going on. A point will come where you will have to break away, no matter how much you care about her. This kind of lifestyle just sucks the life out of every living thing it touches.

Keep On Dancing*

This is why we should have forced sterilization.. Okay I'm just kidding.

Has she screwed her life up? Yes for now but she could turn it around so her life is completely ruined.

Sometimes people are just going to make a mess no matter what you do.

In the past few days I have found some shocking stuff about A and why she can never have custody of any of her kids. I have now stopped being on her side because of all the lies she tells to people. People have even come to her defence saying what a lovely person she is and that people have no right to judge her.

A and E are living very much in a fantasy world thinking DHS will allow her to keep this baby. She has even already tried telling K that the kid is his. K just laughed at her.

Christine, K is trying to get custody back of his oldest 2 kids, and yesterday DHS closed the case on the 2 youngest children. With the latest child I hope that DHS will remove the child and either place it in foster care or have it adopted where she has no chance of screwing up its life like she has with her other 4.

I'll second the distance yourself part. Dealing with other people and their train-wreck lives takes a LOT of you and quite frankly isn't worth it. I have a few friends that have done some stuff like this, not quite to this extreme, but I found it just too hard to be involved in ALL their drama (which is pretty much constant), watching the ship wreck because they don't listen or learn from mistakes and then having to be there to clean up the mess. I got tired of the mostly one way friendships, cut ties and moved on with my life and I'm making friends that have their lives mostly together.

But yes, she has definitely screwed up her life and from the sounds of things doesn't even realize she needs to get her act together. It's sad and I feel bad for her children.