One (or actually a couple) of Dance Moms of mine have had issues with their students losing their shoes! Not just leaving them at the studio, or another student accidently picking them up, but LOSING them. These parents are getting very frustrated and really want to try to figure out a way to make their student more responsible with their personal items (these girls are ages 7-12) and asked my help. However, I'm not a mom so it was hard for me to answer.....so I'll take it to you guys!

What do you think?

Creating a "routine" and "place" for everything is an important quality to help cultivate. I was always a student with a lost item and it drove my mom batty, and she sang to the heavens when I finally got my act together.

Part of it is cleaning out a space (in the student's room or in the family's shared areas) that is specifically for her dance things. Shoes, dance bag, hair ties, bobby pins: everything has a place, everything in it's place. Almost as important, nothing else can be in that area. If I dropped my dance bag in a different place every day it was harder to remember if I had taken out my shoes for something or where something might have fallen out of an open pocket.

Also, you can help as a teacher by telling them how much more mature and put-together dancers look if they are organized: how it makes everything easier. Like at an audition: the girl with a very neat, organized dance bag that puts her bag down, puts her shoes on, and then moves to the dance floor looks much more advanced and more able than someone who runs in at the last second and has to dig through layers of their dance bag to find another shoe or has to ask around for a hair tie.

Well, they should have a dance bag. Shoes go in the bag unless they are wearing them. There should a specific spot were they keep their bag.

I mean there isn't much to be done. What are they doing with the shoes when they aren't at dance?

I make, even the little ones, bring their dance bags in and change their shoes in class. So far, no lost shoes at the studio. One they are home, it's out of my hands.

I think it's partly she takes her shoes out at home and gets them lost. I guess my question is more pertaining to what can the mom do to ENSURE she understands that she needs her dance items put away. A lot of times her father (they are not together) picks the dancer up from class but has no idea what she should have and is just as careless about it as the dancer. The mom was thinking about a consequence for when the dancer didn't bring her items home (from dance, or from her dads), but didn't know what she should make the consequence be? Hope this makes more sense.

And as an instructor I always encourage names be putting in shoes and other items as well as enforce a strict dress code, however....I have no control over what happens when they run into the dressing lounge and at home...that's where the problem seems to be.

First enlighten the father: it's not like asking him to understand rocket science. I'm sure if the dad and mom had a 30 minute convo about what the problem is and how dad understanding what's going on will help would solve that problem. I don't think dads should be given a pass of ignorance.

The rule should probably be no dance shoes out at home (it will destroy the shoes faster anyway), and maybe mom,dad,and student should sit down and make a checklist for what she needs and the car doesn't start until they go down the checklist. This models behavior that will help when she starts driving, and starts programming the "checklist" mentality into her behavior. After a while, she will be able to do checklists in her head.

If you have the space at the dance school, consider a row of small lockers, with locks that are rented out. Then the student has the option of leaving her stuff at the dance school itself. Or add a row of bins, and have them stuff their dance bags there. When my students lose things, it's because they change their shoes in the seating area, and a single shoe falls under a chair, and can't be seen.

For those who want to work at home, buy a second pair of cheap or used shoes, and keep those in the house. As an adult dancer, I kept my dance bag in my car, and always had a spare pair of shoes no matter - since my feet had stopped growing.

The fact that the shoes are coming out of the dance bag at home -- that's a good thing! It means she is excited enough about dance to be doing it at home(s). Before a consequence I'd consider these ideas:

I'd try to reinforce the rule: When you are finished dancing, wherever you may be dancing -- at the studio, at your mother's, at your father's -- the shoes go back in your dance bag when you are finished.

If that is not working another possibility would be to have her dance in cozy socks at home, and the dance shoes stay in the dance bag, except when they are on her feet at the dance studio. OR, arrange for her to leave her shoes at the studio, so they are always there...

Another thought -- have the parent(s) make a checklist with the child. On a big piece of paper, in big letters, list all contents which must be in the dance bag when student leaves wherever to go to the studio on dance day. Post a copy in the student's room(s), and/or near the exit point(s) of the mom's and dad's homes (e.g. the front door, or entry door to the garage).

The student must plan ahead, not go over the checklist on the way out the door. Parents may need to help -- have a specific time when this activity is done, allowing time for searching, if the shoes are not in the bag.

If all the above fail: sit the class down at the studio, announce that some class members are having a challenge getting to class with shoes, and ask the other students to brainstorm or offer suggestions re: how they remember their shoes. Sometimes peers can reach peers better than adults can.

Hopefully something above will click, so there is no need for consequences. And frankly, if we're talking about a couple of students who have separated parents, and are not getting cooperation from dad, I'd keep trying, but I'd also cut the children some slack. Disorganization may be a "family issue." Praise from dance teachers may help, when such students arrive totally prepared for class.

If it's an issue of she's taking them out at dad's house, and they're not making it back to mom's house, maybe buy a seperate bag for each house?

Me personally, my shoes don't get out of the car. I don't get much time to practice anyway, and I learned a long time ago that if I bring the shoes inside, it's a rare week that they make it back out to the car. So they stay in the car, and when I get a minute to practice, I practice barefoot.

I had a kid a few years back who habitually forgot either her clothes or her shoes. It became contagious, and got to the point where half my class at a time would "forget" some important article of dancewear because they knew they could take class in their jeans and socks. I finally told them that from now on, if someone did not bring her clothes and shoes to class, she would not be allowed to participate that day. She (and they) got much better about it after that. Still wasn't perfect, but it was better.

We keep a prominent "loaner bin" of lightly used dance slippers, donated by kids who outgrew them. For tap, the child can do the steps with her slippers, or street shoes on (as long as they're not rubber-soled sneakers.) I even have some thick pairs of socks on hand, that I prefer they wear, sooner than go barefoot.

And I find it's usually the dads who can't remember that dance requires special shoes, so I try to accommodate them, sooner than hassle them, and make them want to drop-out.

This won't help with the seven year old, but when they turn ten, I start holding the kid responsible. When the kid comes in and says something to the effect of 'my mom can't find my shoes', boy do I let them have it.

It's not your mom's responsibility, it's yours, do not blame your mother for you loosing your shoes. If you want to dance, you will remember your tools. First time it happens, I tell them that in front of mom (or dad, or whoever it is). I don't even address the parent, I just address the kid. After that, they can tell me in class that they forgot it and then they get embarrassed in front of their peers because they are not being responsible dancers. That's an appropriate age to start having to kid to be responsible because that's the age where that starts happening in regular school.

^ I'll bet those same dads can remember that soccer requires special shoes... But I agree with you, vfdt -- it's not worth the hassle.

We have a "borrow box" of lightly used, outgrown shoes, too. There's also a Lost and Found with a lovely array of dance wear. Usually there's something to fit everyone in there. So there is no need for students to come into class with bare feet, in jeans.

On occasion there is a student who comes in claiming she's forgotten her shoes. I ask for her to bring me her dance bag, so we can check together, and the shoes are in there! Usually this happens with students who would prefer to skip ballet...

I have a little girl that solos with me on Saturday mornings. First time her dad had to bring her, dad acted a little surprised to learn that not only could the daughter dance, but he was expected to be supportive of it. I no longer bother engaging the dad when he comes, outside of "Hi, give me a second to get the room set up!" and "Ok, she did great, we'll see you next week!". So don't discount the clueless dad!

When I expanded, I bought some used lockers, but it was more for the kids who came several days. If you had the space for everyone, that would be great but a dance bag that the parent keeps, is best. I keep my granddaughter's dance bag in my room, even though I work at the studio, because there is no real storage space for that. I am the one who takes her to dance.

I do what bunless does, make the child responsible at around age 10. I find teaching children to be responsible cuts down on their carelessness with their things. Shoes stay in the dance bag at home and I tell them to keep their dance bag in the same place.