Right? Right. At least that's what I've been telling myself. And yes, I may have stolen that cheesy slogan from the US Marine Corps, but don't tell anyone. I gotta say, I'm terrible at keeping a diary, but I've gotten real motivation from reading all these posts about wanting a disease/disorder/issue, and all the people who try to think up one for themselves. Really? Your attention craving is pretty disgusting. You can gladly have my medical issues at ANY point in time, just let me know.

That said, I finally had my long awaited surgery last Tuesday morning, and almost all of it was covered by insurance. There'd been a long, stressful battle with my insurance company not wanting to cover it, but thanks to a nice representative and lot of persistence, I finally got the appeal filed and they all sided in my favor at the FINAL hour. Literally. I didn't get an answer from them til 3:20 on Friday afternoon when I owed the hospital a $14,000 down payment the next morning. The insurance rep called from her cell phone on her way home; that's how down to the wire it was, but it was a HUGE weight lifted. Being responsible for a $40,000 surgery now, a $10,000 surgery in 6 weeks, plus a $5,000 implant in the spring... holy crap. No way. Just no way. My parents' would've come up with the money, but I would've felt eternally guilty and it would've been awful. So glad that all got worked out. I do, however, need to take care of my disability paperwork for work. I'm so over paperwork.

So yes, I had my surgery! A lefort 1 & 2 osteotomy and genioplasty. He was able to avoid doing the bottom jaw surgery for now, which is good. Basically, they severed my top jaw bone from joint to joint and pulled it apart from jaw, moved it forward and downward. The affixed it with four plates and a bunch of screws. After that he did the geniplasty, which is adding artificial cartilage next to my chin to fix the facial asymmetry I had. He also widened the base of my nose a bit. He did something else that was unplanned to the maxilla, but I didn't quite catch what it was. All in all, it was quite the eventful procedure. It took just about six hours to complete, which was what he'd expected it'd take. I spent about two hours in recovery because I was really tachycardic, couldn't get my oxygen saturations above 90%, and was slow to wake up (as always, to all of the above.) Of course, the recovery room process wouldn't have been complete without barely conscious puking - got that covered! My stomach HATES narcotic pain medication, anesthesia, and blood. And of course they gave me Dilaudid against my request, so I itched like a maniac for twelve hours on top of everything.

I didn't fully wake up until a few hours of being in my room. Overall, my stay was crappy. I didn't have nearly as good of an experience as I had the last time. 7a-3p nurse was real nice, but my day and night time LPNs who were mostly in charge of my care were pretty terrible. I just wanted to be left alone and they kept coming in to try to force feed me liquids and tell me I have to get up to go to the bathroom. Holy crap, leave me the hell alone. Get your vitals, give me my meds, and get GONE. I just got my face cut apart, I'm all wrapped and bandaged, I'm still on 12 liters of oxygen cause I'm not breathing well, I'm still tachycardic as hell, and I'm running a temp, LEAVE ME ALONE. Not cool at all. This one LPN woke me up several times AT NIGHT to try to get me to drink. WHO DRINKS AT NIGHT?! Lord, if I could talk I would've given them a big piece of my mind. I did cry once thanks to one of the annoying LPNs while my mom had gone home to shower. Bless it. Just thinking about it makes me aggravated. I was discharged Thursday around noon when I was able to wake myself enough to leave. I was more than ready to get the hell out of there. I really wish I could've had surgery in my own hospital with my own staff, but tough stuff.

All in all, doc and his all of his surgical nurses said the surgery went really well. I went to the office today for my first post-op check up and everyone said everything went great and I look really good. Swollen and bruised, but good. Probably because today was the first day I started to feel like a human again. Eating has been insanely difficult, as has drinking. I've been getting in less than 200 calories a day, which has blown my body into anemic, hypoglycemic, and overall nutritional shock, as if the surgery wasn't enough of a shock. I've been feeling so weak and nauseous that today was a great reprieve. I'm sure it has what to do that I'm two days free of the nasty oxycodone. That stuff is vile and makes me so sick. I literally haven't been able to do a damn thing other than sleep, ice my face, and watch television. Reading, writing, painting, knitting, and all the other things I have at my disposal to do were WAY out of reach all week for me. I didn't think I'd be so knocked out, but I was. I was really on another planet and simply so uncomfortable.

This afternoon was an entirely different situation when doc decided to wire me shut for a week. But I'm simply exhausted at this point so I will have to continue my saga tomorrow.

I can't remember...are these jaw surgeries to fix something that you were born with or a result of a car accident in the past or something? I'm just medically curious

Can't imagine having to recover from several jaw surgeries. I had some pain and sensitivity after a cavity filling this summer and felt like I changed the way I chew my food for that little tiny thing alone....cannot imagine what a change it will be for you. Good luck in your recovery!

So, I don't feel like writing anymore about the surgery. It happened, it went well, and I'm healing now. The bruising is gone now, and a lot of the swelling has gone down, but there's a good bit in my cheeks around my nose and above my upper lip, as well as a tiny bit where the chin implant is. Due to the shift in my whole mouth, my braces are hitting my cheeks in different places and making them all raw, along with the rubber bands that are securing my bite. It's more annoying than painful, especially while trying to sleep, but such is life.

On the topic of sleeping, I've still being doing a ton of that. By 11pm I'm exhausted. Last night I went to see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, and got home around 10:15. I puttered around for a little while, but by 11 I had my computer off, lights out, and trying to fall asleep. For someone who used to (and sometimes still does) have raging insomnia, this is pretty weird! But I guess my body really needs it, so I'm glad I'm getting it.

The days have been getting pretty boring as I approach my third week post-op. I'm still not allowed to chew, which limits my ability to go out to eat with friends, and severely limits what I'm allowed to eat in general, which is annoying because I like my food. I should be able to chew by next week, so I look forward to that. My next surgery got pushed off by two days, and I also have to have another doctor do the surgery. I found that out on Friday. Not the end of the world, I just wish it'd hurry up and get here already, but the reality is, is it's still a month away. Drat. As much as I think I'm crazy for saying this, I miss school and I miss work! I hate sitting home doing nothing and I've exhausted most of my resources in terms of things to do outside of the house that won't break the bank. I think I may go to the aquarium sometime this week, or maybe the zoo, even though it's 90 miles away. A little while ago I went out for a run, but while warming up I decided it's probably best not to run on my first day, and just take it easy walking so I don't break my face accidentally. I walked two miles and had to come back because the tree pollen outside was making me itch like a crazy person. Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym at school and work out for a little while on my own and then take Tanner's abdominal class. Tuesday I'll have to decide whether I'm going to drive 25 miles to and from school to use the gym or I'm going to join a gym near my house for $50/month. I don't want to be locked in it for a year because I'm moving when I get back from boot camp this summer, and I don't want to have to pay for it while I'm away at boot camp for 10 weeks, either. All on my list of things to ask them. But either way, homegirl needs to get in shape ASAP. My run time needs to get cut in half, and I won't even go there about my push ups. My physical is next month and I still need to cut weight. Which reminds me, I need to order a new scale cause mine is garbage. Annnd school starts tomorrow. It's an online class and I've never taken one of those before. Four books in eight weeks sounds like a lot, but hopefully it'll keep me a little more occupied. Holy moly garbled paragraph!!

So yes, major boredom, feeling okay, getting anxious (but excited) about the army. Gotta go eat or shower or something. Deuces.

Huzzaaah! This is my 8,000th comment beeches!!!

Mercy, I guess that means I should spend more time exercising than on this damn website!

Last night was frustrating.

I went to pick up my newly custom framed diploma, and of course while I looked at it in the store I didn't notice, but there's a fairly sizable smudge of dirt on one side of it, so now I need to take it back to the store and have them attempt to fix it. If they hadn't been running a sale, the damn thing would've cost over $300, and yet they still can't manage to clean up the dirt smudge and the finger prints? Come on, people. Do your job right! It's not that hard.

On the way home from the frame store I checked the voicemails on my old phone number just to see who hasn't gotten the memo yet. Of course, it's both of my doctors offices, whom I've told about 10 times each that I got a new phone number 3 damn months ago. Again, why can't people do their job right?!

And then the Superbowl happened. If I had been betting with anyone else, I likely would've bet in favor of the Giants, but since I was betting with someone who's a huge Giants fan, I had no choice but to bet on the Patriots. And for awhile there, really down to the last two minutes, I thought I might've pulled off the bet. But then the Giants scored that touchdown with a minute left in the game and it was all over. Two incomplete passes and a busted hail Mary attempt, and not only did I lose the bet on the winning team, but I also lost an additional $20 because he guessed the final score. Who does that?! Lame! Now I'm down $70. CRAP.

So that was last night.

This morning I have to go back to the frame store to have them fix the booboo, log into my online class to see what's up, and then I'm going to head to the gym at school for awhile to do some cardio and then take Tanner's ab class. Hopefully I don't die, lol. This is only day two of physical activity beyond pushing a shopping cart around Target. Weee.

Later.

Monday went as planned. I went to the gym and worked out for an hour and a half on my own before the abs class. I only got woozy once, which is better than I expected. The abs class was seriously intense. I was really impressed by the amazing shape some of the people there were in. And I also got a good laugh at some of the football players who were in there sucking wind and laughing at themselves being unable to do the exercise. That made me feel a little bit better about myself and the fact that I was sucking wind pretty hard. But I made a valiant effort, which I suppose is the best I can do, especially for being 3 weeks post-op.

Tuesday is kind of a blur now. I know I went to the ortho and did some reading for school. I don't remember anything else about it, though. Haha, I must've been so productive that day.

Yesterday was much like Monday. Got up, did some homework until these guys came to powerwash my neighbor's house and that was the end of my peaceful focus. I left for the gym, got cornered in my superior's office for awhile on my way to the gym (his office is across the hall), we chatted for about 45 minutes, I worked out on my own for an hour, figured out some upper body strengthening exercises with Tanner, then went to abs class. There's nothing like going to an abs class when your abs are still sore from the previous class. Jeez! It's amazing what a workout you can get in a half hour period of time. After abs class I went back to the gym and ran another half mile before I decided to leave. Traffic can get pretty bad and I didn't feel like sitting in it. But either way, I timed my casual two mile for the first time yesterday and I'm right at 30 minutes. Lord have mercy, that sucks. I need to make it in 19:20 or less for my APFT. I did find out that if I can master this APFT that I can go to LTC instead of boot camp this summer. That's some pretty good news for me! I'm even hoping that I won't have to miss Remy's wedding in the process since LTC is only 28 days long. God, I hope I can get this PT stuff down. I'm so out of shape and my body is just fighting me every step of the way, be it with shin splints/stress fractures, hip tendonitis, and all the breathing issues, of course. I need to do this. And I'm motivated enough to do it, but it's hard when your body fights back.

Last night I saw who I'm going to call Jimmy. I gave him his bet money that he won and we talked for a little while. I missed him. What a mess of a situation, though. I don't even feel comfortable talking about it on here. Blah.

Today... I've already tackled all the paperwork I needed to do today, but I've got a ton of reading to get through. I'm not enjoying this book yet. The author rambles too much. Kind of like me? Lol. I'll probably walk the neighborhood later on or maybe go to Costco since walking around in there is the equivalent of walking two miles.

Tomorrow my plan is to go to the gym earlyish, come home, shower, and pack, and then head out to the country for the night or weekend, whichever I choose to do, which depends on how much reading I can get done today. How lame. I love being out in the country and Miranda is a ton of fun, so I'm looking forward to it.

It's time for a protein shake. Lord, I cannot wait til I can chew again. I miss real food and being able to eat healthy.

Yall be good. Have a safe weekend.

How long do you have to take the 11 minutes off your time for the 2 mile run? What else are you doing to prepare for that?

I'd miss chewing food a lot. It would help my weight loss goals considerably, but yeah I can't imagine all the stuff you have gone through with your surgery. Major props.

Good thoughts for you and your feelings with Jimmy.

Reading your diary makes my mouth hurt, LOL. I whine about going to the dentist and I've never even had a cavity. You're a rock star for going through all you have.

Can't help you on the running front. I only run if there's a threat to my life behind me.

Renae - I have til April to make a legitimate improvement. I have til about May/June to master it. I'm supposed to train for 3.4 miles to make 2 feel easy. The group has early morning workout twice a week when the stretch, run, do push ups/crunches, and then play a sport. After I have my second surgery, I'm going to start going to the early morning workouts, in addition to the gym 3-4x a week. I've been using the elliptical and bike for non-impact stamina. I have no problems at all getting my pulse rate up - in fact, I need to work on getting it down. When I run, I'm ticking away in the low 190s, which is around the point where my vision starts to go. My resting heart rate is higher than the norm, but being so close to 200 isn't good. Besides for regular working out, do you have any suggestions?
And believe it or not, the whole not eating thing hasn't done a damn thing for my weight loss! The doc initially told me that I'd lose around 30 lbs. Well, nope. I haven't lost any. In fact, I gained two lbs this week. Ridiculous!!!

Emily - so sorry! My mouth actually doesn't hurt! It's just got this weird numbness/tingling thing going on, and it's mostly in my cheeks. Feels kind of like your foot when it falls asleep, but it just hasn't woken up yet. Annoying as anything.


Sidenote: I just realized that there's an okcupid tag on my picture on here. LMAO. I would love to know why I saved my own picture off the website when I clearly have it on my hard drive. Oh well. I guess I don't exactly care that the world knows I'm on a dating website. The people on it around here are a bunch of hot messes, so at this point, it's mostly for laughs.

Ah, procrastination at its finest.

Well you are in such a catch 22 right now. You are having issues with stress on your body (shin splints and things) plus the amount of weight you are carrying makes non-weight bearing carido a must...and yet the only way to get that time down is by actually doing weight bearing time and outside is important because you have the wind resistance and that changes thing dramatically when you are training. And yet, the first rule in beginning running is to do no harm. Don't push, and stop when it hurts or you'll put yourself further behind.

Strength and resistance training is probably going to help and keep your knees, and hips safe by building up the connective tissue and ligaments holding them.

I have a 6 week running plan for a 5K. I don't know how helpful it would be, but I'll send it via PM and maybe it will help or you could even expand it into a 12 week program.

As for the not losing any weight. My guess is that your body is calorie deficient and is just dumping as much muscle mass as possible and conserving everything else. Like I said...enormous catch 22 right now. No easy solution, but you are very determined and I have no doubts you'll make your goal even if it is fighting for every second on that run!

Wow, I've had quite the weekend. I wish I felt better about the internet being a safe space to write down my thoughts, but I know that it's not. Hand writing is just as bad unless I burn the paper immediately after I write, or I get a lock box. I think I may actually go for the latter, considering my jewelry has just been sitting out unlocked in my jewelry box and that's just not smart. But until then, I'm going to write to the extent that I feel comfortable here and try not to be so cryptic. But really, who cares? All of this will be committed to memory, anyway, and that's what counts.

Friday I was supposed to get all my reading done. Too bad all I did was procrastinate. I didn't even crack the book once. By 4:15, I had heard from Miranda and she told me to come out there. She'd been worried about having a place to send her kids, but she worked it out. I was supposed to have showered earlier, but of course I procrastinated that too, so I got in the shower, got ready, got some things together in an overnight bag, and left. I strategically packed no makeup, hair appliances, or going out clothes, because I knew if I did I would have stayed over Saturday night and gone out again instead of coming home to do my work that I put off all week. And I'm glad I did because I did want to stay last night, but like a good responsible adult I came home. Not that I've done any homework, still, though.

An hour and a half into my drive I got to the destination on my GPS. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, both of my GPS's took me to a spot that was not her house. Not even down the block from her house. There was a church, a cemetery, a farm, and a dirt road. I tried the dirt road, but there were no houses on it. And a tractor must've been down there recently cause the road was all tore up with deep ridges that I thought were going to blow up my tires. I forget that my tires are made with kevlar and I worry about them blowing up too frequently. After I discovered no houses and no street signs that matched her road, I gave her a call. She told me that everyone's GPS seems to bring them to that spot and she'd come to get me. I tried to tell her just to give me directions and I'd find my way, but she insisted it'd be easier if she just drove there and got me, and I'm glad that she did! It's as dark as dark comes out there and the roads are mostly unmarked. She only lives about 3 minutes down the road from where I was, but I don't think I would've made it, lol.

After we made it to the house, I met her kiddos and they're as sweet as can be. Some more of her family and friends trickled in while the kids ate dinner, then we shipped them off to a friends house and we went out to the "bar." I use the term bar very loosely. It was half of a gas station with an empty cement room attached to it, complete with two pool tables, two picnic tables, a juke box, some NASCAR/Budweiser posters, and a bench. The beer was either in peoples' cars or in an ice chest in the gas station mart. All the men were wearing camo in some capacity, and boots of course. It was about as country as they come. Granted, I've been to similar establishments, but it was definitely memorable in its own right hence the gas station.

We had a good time at the "bar," and I'll pretty much leave it at that. But I do have to make mention of one more thing. What is it about country folks thinking I'm in the damn Mafia?! I have gotten asked that so many times in so many places, it's really crazy! Did my parents forget to tell me something or are these people really not used to seeing dark brown hair? I just don't get it.

During my drunken stupor, I started to text Jimmy, originally just sending him the pictures of the establishment we were in. As I was feeling even better, I started trying to tell him how I felt about what was going on, but I wasn't overly clear. When I woke up the next morning I couldn't take it anymore, so I, in a much clearer manner, told him how I felt. Twenty four hours later, we're still talking about it. Last night it seemed like what I had said upset him, but I think I was more upset about it than he was. He talks so negatively about himself and I know deep down behind his stone exterior, he's a really good person. I feel like we really "get" each other, which makes it hard for me to draw the line with him. I wish things didn't have to be this way, but they do. Maybe in time they will be different, but that's also what Josh used to tell me all the time when he just wanted to make me stop crying. I know better than that.

In other news, I'm glad it's in the 40s outside, which is tundra weather for this area. I NEED TO READ. I hate reading with a passion. I want to go outside and enjoy the sunshine (albeit, frigid), but this book won't read itself. I need some motivation.

Well, I didn't do any reading. Spoke to Jimmy some, beat Angry Birds, and was in a FOUL mood all day. Either it's one of those days or going off my birth control is messing with me today. Either way, I'm pissed at everyone and everything right now. Grrrrrr.

*hands cookie*

Cheer up, luv. Or beat the bejesus out of a pillow. Whatever works.

Not a whole lot of excitement to report here, but I'll report something I suppose.

Yesterday wasn't an overly productive day. I drove 25 minutes to get my nails done, but of course forgot what street the nail place was actually on, so I drove around for an extra 10 minutes after I googled the address and plugged it into my GPS. Whoops. It probably would've been a lot smarter if I were to have gone to the salon a mile from my house, but I feel like the ladies at this particular salon do a much better job. So I went. It's kind of nice being able to get my nails done again. When I was younger and my dad was with Lisa, she used to take me to get my nails done every Wednesday night. So, from ages 9 through 13, I always had my nails professionally done. Through high school I got really good at doing them myself since I felt that my nails had to be done at all times, but nobody was taking me to get my nails done anymore, so I had to work it out myself most of the time cause that stuff gets expensive after awhile. When college came around I guess I grew out of the nail phase I'd been in for a long time. And since I've been working in hospitals for the last 2+ years, we're not allowed to have our nails painted at work, so that sealed the deal. So like I said, I'm appreciating the ability to get my nails done again. It's super relaxing and I feel more put together with them done.

After getting my nails done I parked my happy behind at the public library. Let me just say that that's the last time I'll ever go back to that library in attempts to get work done. It was so dang LOUD in there! I couldn't focus on my reading to save my life. I struggled through about 50 pages before I decided to call it quits. I drove down to the beach, drove aimlessly for a few minutes around the beach, then went to my doctors appointment.

Everyone oooh'd and ahh'd when I walked in, as per the usual. I don't really see much of a difference, but apparently they do. I'm happy to announce that the numbness on the left side of my face is 97% gone! Yippee! I'm 4 weeks post-op today, so I guess it took long enough, but I'm glad it's almost totally back to normal. The right side of my chin is still pretty significantly numb, but doc says that'll get better with time. I've still got some swelling going on, and that too is just going to take time. Too bad I don't have more patience. He told me I still can't chew for another week. Grrr! But next Monday I can start chewing things that aren't tough, and by the following week I can eat most anything I want besides for really chewy, crunchy stuff like steak and carrots. And no sandwiches for awhile unless I pull them apart. Of course my mother gave me a bag full of assorted Valentines Day chocolates and I can't really do much with them unless I let them dissolve in my mouth. Lovely. She did make heart shaped cheesecake which I CAN eat, so that was nice of her. Not overly nice for my diet, but cheesecake is my weakness. Anyway, the doc and I also discussed getting my implant put in, so that's scheduled for March 12th. That's going to be hell expensive. I'm super nervous about the price tag on that one. And I really hope all these surgeries don't ruin my chances with the army, cause this is really the last chance I'm going to get with them. I'm really nervous about that.

Today I drove up to school and parked my happy behind in their library (where it's silent) for an hour and 45 minutes. This book is going to be the death of me. Hell, this class and all this reading might be the death of me, considering I HATE reading. This may be the last online class I ever take. Gross. I was really stoked to learn about terrorists and whatnot, but most of this book is about communism in the 60s. SO BORING. The others should be a little better. At least I hope. After about 100 pages, I left for the gym. I was there from 12:45-2 when my hip decided it'd had enough. I limped my way out of there. I can't believe of all times my hip chooses now to get tendonitis again. Such bad timing. I wish for five minutes I could be normal without something wrong or hurting. I just want to run, pass this PFT, and be done so I can have my career. Guh.

On my way home from the gym I stopped at the Cajun restaurant and picked up some chicken and sausage gumbo and shrimp etoufee. I had the gumbo for lunch today and I'll have the etoufee for dinner tomorrow. YUM. I wish they had boiled crawfish and that their king cakes weren't $25 a pop, but hopefully I'll be able to go to Louisiana for the crawfish festival in May. I miss home. e

Tomorrow will be another non-productive day of reading in the library and gym + abs class. But on the bright side, I think I'm a month and a day til I can go back to work! Who knew I'd be so pumped to get back to it, especially without Lindsay there.

Jimmy and I rectified our situation, thankfully. I had no doubt that we would, I just wish things were different. Sigh.

Alright, well that's enough rambling for today. Yall be good.

*breathes in, breathes out*

I'm starting to get a little panicy about this weight/PT test thing. I know this is only week two of physical exercise in a LONG time, but it's not getting any easier. I have very little patience and I always want to see immediate results, so that's the problem here. I'm fully aware that that's just not going to happen, but it still is stressing me out a bit. I also just took a prescription diet pill (Adipex) that I got from the nutri-doc a few years ago (have a bunch left) and since it's practically speed, I'm sure it's contributing to my current antsyness. I lost a bunch of weight on that stuff last time, but it also gave me a bit of an arrhythmia. It's not good at all and I know that, but I need to drop some weight, and doing it the old fashioned way just isn't working right now. I got on the scale earlier and I gained 2 lbs since Monday. I was pretty aggravated, which spurred all this frustration. But it's okay, I'm going to take the day off from the gym to let me arms and hip rest and go back tomorrow. I need to make a significant bit of headway on my book so I can finish it tomorrow and write my paper sometime between tomorrow and Saturday before our big outing Saturday night, anyway. I think I'm going to go out later and try to find something new to wear for it, too.

In other news, I can't decide if I want to get my hair cut or not. Big news, right? I wish I could rock short hair, but I've got such flat "northern" hair that won't volumize (yes, I made that up) for anything. I wish I had a personal hair stylist so that my hair could look like Kyle Richards' hair every day. I know I'm going to cut it before I go to Kentucky so I can get it into a bun easier, so I'm thinking I should hang onto the long hair as long as possible cause I know I'm going to miss it when it's gone. Now I'm just rambling about stupidity, aren't I?

But to keep with the rambles, I have my first appointment with my new gynecologist tomorrow. I'd really like a Mirena, but I'm nervous about the horror stories I've read. I've read that it's crazy painful on insertion and that it causes three months of straight cramps to women who haven't had a child. I've been on Yasmin since I was 17 after trying a variety of pills/patches that didn't work worth a damn for a year and a half, and up until recently it's worked like a charm. It doesn't make me loony, my periods are very light with minimal cramping, versus the ridiculous periods I get when I'm off BC, and so I figured why mess with a good thing? But recently my sex drive has been non existent. I used to have a really high sex drive, so it's a bit worrisome. I don't know if it's the BC that's killed it or the fact that I've been SO busy and don't have time for a man, and that I've been on the mend from a really horrific relationship/breakup. But now that things have slowed down a bit for me and the Josh pain is pretty much gone, I would like for it to come back so I can get back into the swing of things. I've been off of the Yasmin for a few weeks because my period came early thanks to the super dose of antibiotics I was taking post-op and I do think I've been feeling a little more in-tuned with my sex drive, so who knows. I wish the Depo shot didn't suck so much because I'd totally be down with that. I'm not down with the Nuva Ring either, so my options are kind of slim. But then again, so are my options of men with these men repellant braces I've got, lol.

But it's okay. By the end of the summer I'll have a brand new braces-free face, a working nose, and a slimmer body. And a shiny new career, hopefully! Just need to stay calm and motivated until then.

Time to go read. Yall be good.

My weekend has been completely non-productive. It rained most of it and I hate rain. It leaves me completely unmotivated to do anything, so nothing is what I did, for the most part. Dance night got cancelled so that threw everything all off.

Yesterday I went to check out two tattoo shops since I decided that this coming week is some kind of reconstruction week or something. I liked the first shop, but I wasn't overly impressed by the artists' work. They had some pretty good recommendations, but still, I wasn't thrilled. I booked a consultation for Wednesday but I'll likely call and cancel it tomorrow. The second shop I went to was completely different from the first. It was a lot more open; it looked like an old restaurant inside, whereas the first had separate rooms for each artist. They had albums on display on the secretary's desk which I appreciated. I looked through four or five of them and liked what I saw, but it nothing really clicked until I opened the last album. I thought ALL of his work was awesome. Of course, he's in the middle of figuring out a new schedule so he wasn't in to talk to yesterday or today. I left my name and number and he's supposed to call me tomorrow to schedule a consultation. Since it's a cover up, it requires more discussion. At the first place, the artist took a look at my current tattoo and said it could definitely be covered, but it'd be easier to cover it with a color and not black and white. In my mind, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense given that the tattoo that's there now is black/white. I don't want the whole thing in color, just a little bit of purple.. I think.. I'm really not creative at all so it's really hard for me to invision what I actually want even though it's my tattoo on my body. So, I'm looking forward to hearing what this guy has to say. Hopefully he'll call me early tomorrow that way I don't have to play goose chase with him and have to wonder about when I can go to the gym and such.

In addition to the tattoo business, I made an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted on Tuesday. I know highlights have been "out" for awhile, but I've just become so bored of my hair and being home doing nothing all day has left my mind bored, and so changing everything is what I decided to do. Mom says my hair is too long, but I want it longer with extensions so it's fuller and I can roll it. Mom says if I'm going to dye it I shouldn't go darker, but I kind of liked it when it was darker. Originally I'd planned on keeping it long til the summer, but then I decided I was just going to go ahead and chop it, but now I'm leaning towards keeping it long and just getting the ends and my bangs cut. I guess I've come to terms with looking like a mafia princess. Big step. Anyone have any thoughts on the hair situation?

And last on my weekend agenda was, of course, Jimmy. We didn't really talk during the week cause he was busy and I was trying to distance myself from the situation. I missed him and it sucked, but it was what I felt was the right thing to do at the time. Well, Friday night I stayed up the entire night talking to him and despite the fact that we spent almost 30 hours hashing it out last weekend and coming to terms with what was going on, it was like we never had that conversation at all. Things went right back to the way they had been and I didn't make one attempt to stop it. That probably makes us equally guilty, but I just don't care. I'm getting sucked into such a crappy situation and I just wish there was someone I could talk to about it who wouldn't judge me. Two people IRL know but they're both of no help. And it's really driving me nuts. Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing.

I had a lettering tattoo covered up with color & a black and gray piece covered up with a little bit of color. Depending on how big the current piece is, color is definitely an option, just not entirely in color.

Gah, now I want another tattoo. Thanks.

I went for my consultation today. The artist said he's sure that it's doable within the color range that I'm wanting. I was hoping to get it done today, especially since the shop is 25 minutes away and I'd already driven 50 miles to and from the gym (hello $3.45/gallon!), but he said he was all booked up til Wednesday night. So, my appointment is for 6:30 on Wednesday. Yippee!

I went to the gym earlier today and broke my personal running record. It's nothing impressive, but it's something. And as the Major says, "every trip has a beginning." I don't know if this is the start of a good thing, but at least on day 1 of week 3 I saw a little bit of progress. The numbers on the scale still suck, but at least there's progress somewhere.

I decided, well, maybe a few of my friends weighed in a decided for me, that I'm not going to chop my hair and I'm not going to get it colored. I'm going to trim the bare minimum and get my bangs fixed. Since I've been home bored and watching too many episodes of the Housewives of Beverley Hills, Kardashians, and Mob Wives, I've been feeling tempted to dye my hair a little darker. It's damn dark as it is, but compared to them, it's not dark enough. Mom would flip her lid if I did that, but meh, I don't quite care, it's not her hair.

Recent discovery: There's workout videos on the OnDemand function on my tv. Holla! I may give those a whirl tomorrow in between my orthodontist appointment and hair appointment. And bring the dog to the dog park. He's driving my bananas right now! He flipped half of our rug over while I was out earlier. Crazy dog.

And as of today, I can officially chew "soft" foods. And I've got nine days til my second to last surgery! Whoop.

Aw you sound like such a lovely person.

You've been through so much! I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you! Hope all the surgery goes okay!

*hugs*

Ay carumba, I am so bored right now. I should be reading, as per the usual, but meh, no.

So where was I? Last Monday? Let's see if I can rewind.

No clue what I did last Tuesday, but last Wednesday I went and got my fleur de lis cover up tattoo. I like it a LOT more than I liked my old one, which is good, but since it's a cover up, he had to do some extra shading which I'm not overly fond of, but I'm sure it'll grow on me with time. I do like it, though, don't get me wrong. Now Louisiana is with me everywhere I go

Thursday I went to the Orthodontist and they changed my wires, bands, chains, and elastics. Gotta love hearing, "I'm gonna have to tug here for a minute and you're probably going to hate me, I'm sorry!" I've been hearing that way too often lately. Enough is enough, sheesh. But overall, it really wasn't too bad this go around. I'm wearing posterior box elastics on both sides which were hell and a half to get in until I realized that if I just went and picked up a pair of hemostats from work I'd be using practically the same tool they use at the office to get them in. Beautiful, problem solved. I went to work later that night, said hi to everyone, and hijacked a pair of hemostats. The boxes are a pain in the butt to wear. My cheeks are all torn up from them (and the hooks/brackets themselves) and I have popped at least one per day since I've been instructed to wear them. I swallowed my first one today while eating dinner. Fantastic. Oops.

Thursday afternoon I went on a date! YEAH, a date! It's been awhile for sure. We went to a bar/restaurant on the water here and had a few beers over the course of four hours. He seems like a nice guy, and definitely smart, but lacks the "butterfly" attraction I seem to need to want to pursue anything. It probably won't go anywhere, but I had a good time and I'd likely go on a second date with him, so who knows.

Friday we had crappy weather all day. I ran some errands in the morning whilst waiting for the storm to hit. We were under all sorts of advisories all day, including a tornado watch (warning nearby), but when the storm eventually did pass through, it blew out pretty quick. However, it decided to pass through right as I had to leave to drive to the concert. Perfect timing. Miranda, 4 of her family members, and I went to see Miranda Lambert, Chris Young, and Jerrod Neiman. It was a pretty decent show. I love country music, but there's really nothing like a true, loud rock show. After seeing her live twice now, I think Miranda is a much better singer than she is performer. All in all, we had a good night, despite the rain and our inability to sit down and eat dinner somewhere beforehand.

Lindsay and a new co-worker of hers came down for the weekend and got in late Friday night. Saturday morning we all went out for brunch which was awesome. We went to a place I'd never eaten at and their menu was pretty phenomenal. I'm a huge fan of breakfast, so I was overly impressed. I had what they called a casserole with scrambled eggs, swiss cheese, hollandaise, bacon, spinach, mushrooms, bell peppers, onion, and potatoes (that I didn't eat.) So yummy. After brunch we went downtown and played tourist for the day. After we exhausted all of downtown, we parted ways and got ready to go out. We had some taxi logistic issues, but it all worked out and we all got where we needed to be. Lindsay's friend went to her birthday party and we went downtown to meet Liz and Megan for dinner, after Jessie and her friend bailed on us. We had Thai and it was SO GOOD. Best Thai I've ever had, I think. Well, maybe a close second to this place in NY, but still, it was really top notch. After dinner we went to the bar that sells daiquiris and has live music. They ID for 21 at the door, but every last person in there looked like they belonged in high school. Either I'm just getting older or people are aging later these days. We didn't stay there long for obvious reasons. We downed our daiquiris since this damn city has open container laws (grumble) and headed for the next drinking establishment to meet Jessica, Suzi, and a bunch of people they were with. They were at a higher end place than the first one, more known for its dancing scene. Our original intention was to go out and dance, so that we did. We made a pit stop at the bar, I ordered a Crown and Coke, and to my dismay, it was flipping $8!!!! I can't handle the price of drinks here. Can I go back to New Orleans now? But anyway, we danced, had a grand old time, but when we all wanted to get a second round we decided to go find P and some of her friends at this other bar on the other side of town. When we got there we had a pretty hard time believing that P was actually in there, due to the LOUD bumping gangsta rap that was coming from inside. But we figured, what the heck, might as well give it a whirl. We walked in behind a group of black people who had their IDs checked and walked right in. When we got to the bouncer, he told us there was a $10 cover. The people ahead of us didn't pay a $10 cover, so um, why us? We asked the woman with the stamp and she said we had to pay and it wasn't a joke. We were all a little ticked and decided we weren't staying. My friend thought we were being profiled, but I won't think that much into it. It was 1am at the time and bars here close at 2, so it wasn't like we were going to pay a $10 cover to stay for an hour even if everyone else was paying. We decided that Waffle House sounded like a better idea, so that's what we did. At said WaHo, we got to watch a man get kicked out. It takes a lot to get kicked out of the WaHo, but this character did it. The waitress said brings her pit bull to work with her and leaves him in the car in case she has any issues. Too funny. And a little weird.

Sidenote: Jimmy said he was going to come out with us. I'd been kind of looking forward to it since he'd bailed twice prior. I had a feeling he might bail again, but he told me on more than one occasion that he was coming, and when I texted him that day and asked he if he wanted me to text him where we were when we got there or not and he said yes, I figured he actually meant it. So I texted him, he answered, texted him again when we moved, he answered, but never made any mention of coming down to meet us. I finally called him out on it and he said he was currently having a relaxing evening. I got a little pissed at that point. You consistently blow us off, then blow smoke up my ass, make me waste time texting you, for nothing. If he had no intention of showing up, he should've said so. I'm sorry, but that's not how you treat friends, so right now I'm pretty pissed at him.

Sunday was pretty lame. We had more bad weather and I was feeling pretty blue, so I just laid low for the day. I passed out early cause I had gotten little sleep the night before. Thanks Lindsay.

Today I went to the oral surgeon for another post-op visit. He gave me the green light to chew! Finally! It's still hard cause my mouth is sore and partially numb, and my bite still doesn't close on the right side, but it'll get better with time. At least I know I won't hurt the plates/screws now. We discussed my two upcoming surgeries and all that good stuff, but agreed that this is the final stretch. I can't believe that in a few months this will all be over. When I was in the first stage of consultations and getting my team of doctors together, hearing 18-24 months worth of treatment sounded like a true death sentence. I was so upset that I'd be restricted to this city, having to live with family, and would have braces for so long. The surgeries were the least of my worries then, but even so, it sounded like it would be forever. Honestly, it has flown by faster than I would have ever imagined. I didn't think I'd be able to go to graduate school til all this was over, but I did. I didn't think I'd be able keep my job through all of this (given that I needed 3 months off of work), but I did. I didn't think I'd be able to find men who were willing to talk/date a woman with braces, but I did. I didn't think I'd be able to handle living with my parents again, but I did. I thought my shot at joining the military was gone, but it's not. I've accomplished far more than I ever anticipated I would. I am proud of myself. I just hope that the end result is as good as I'm hoping it will be and that I'll be able to breathe again.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to make some headway on my reading, get my nails done, make a return, and just lay low. I have ENT surgery early Wednesday morning, so I'm trying to take it easy on my body since my body hates everything involved with surgery. They told me I'll probably be bleeding most of the day after surgery, which I'm not looking forward to, but such is life. I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy or do any sort of strenuous activity for two weeks, so that's two weeks of no gym time for me. Plenty of time to hit the books and get my midterm done, I suppose. And on the topic of midterms, folks, don't ever take online graduate level classes. They suck. You don't learn a damn thing. Such a waste of money. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone with an online degree, ever, after this experience. I can't wait to get back to class in the fall!

Oh, last but not least, I have a tentative ship date for army camp! It's in late June. Now I just need the rest of the pieces of this puzzle to come together for it all to work. I guess that'll have to wait another two weeks or so. Did I mention that in two weeks after this surgery I'm having another? Yeah! So my absence from the gym may be a little longer than that, but that's okay. It'll be ass kicking time after that. And back to work time! It'll be nice to be earning a pay check again.

Alright, I've said more than enough for now. Deuces.

Quick entry, I suppose.

ENT surgery went as planned and happened last Wednesday morning. For being what I thought was minor surgery, I really haven't felt well since. My body tried to develop a raging post-op infection, but thanks to the steroids the doc wrote for me late the next day, I was able to avoid most of it. But, as per the usual, waking up from the anesthesia sucked. It took me forever to actually wake up, despite the fact that I really did want to get out of there. They put this drip pad under my nose so I wouldn't bleed everywhere, which I appreciate, but it had these elastic bands that went around my ears to keep it in place, and they hurt the hell out of my ears. That's the first thing I remember saying when I woke up - my ears hurt. Them and my head. Damn, did I have a headache. And I was shaking like a leaf. Involuntarily. And of course the next day my entire body ached from all of it. Now I know what seizure patients feel like.

I had probably an hour-two hours of peace and quiet in the recovery room, until this fine gentleman came in and started hacking up a lung for the better part of a half an hour. I'm talking a consistent hacking cough. Nothing productive, which made it sound fake and forced as all get up, but nonetheless, it was gross and I didn't appreciate it at all, even being as drugged up as I was. They finally gave him a breathing treatment which settled him down, but by then I was already trying hard to wake up enough to put my shirt on. My lovely nurse gave me some 800mg ibuprofen, BY MOUTH! That amused the heck out of me because it's the first surgery I've had in ages that hasn't involved my mouth in any capacity. My last handful have left me unable to feel it enough to drink, or in too much pain to drink, let alone swallow a pill with fluids. So yeah, I was pretty impressed with that. Life is so much easier when you can actually use your mouth. You don't know what you've got til it's gone, folks.

So yeah, I went home, slept ALL day Wednesday, some of the day on Thursday (I actually felt mostly fine Thursday), and again all day on Friday cause I felt like garbage. My throat was sore as hell, my glands were swollen out to mars, my head was pounding, I couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time without knowing that if I stood any longer that I was going to hit the deck, and I just felt like overall crap. It's getting better, thankfully. I still have a bit of a headache, any I need to blow my nose every 5 seconds, which I'm probably not even supposed to be doing, but oh well. I have to irrigate 3-5x a day with saline, take 4 antibiotics 2x a day, take the mountain of Prednisone, and a Lortab when I feel like it. Now, I've never been big on the narcotics. They usually don't work and on top of that, make me really sick. But the Lortab hasn't had the sick effect and since I've been feeling so blah, I've been taking it pretty regularly. Last night I took one and an Ambien (about 2ish hours apart) and I still couldn't get to sleep before 4am. I think I was just giddy about the date I have tonight. Lol.

Yep, I have a date tonight. Yep, different guy than the one I went out with two weeks ago. He's been in Germany on business for the last two weeks, but we've talked a lot online since he's been gone, so we'll see how things go.

In other news, I just sent my schedule to my bosses. It's that time!!!! Blah. I have my last (LAST!!!!) surgery next Monday and by Wednesday I'm supposed to be okay to go back to work, so that's what the plan is. Ok, or maybe not. I just checked my email and my boss doesn't want me coming in next week. She started as the boss literally the same week I went out on medical leave, so I don't know her from a hole in the wall, but the word on the street is that nobody likes her. And based on the email I just got from her, I can understand why! No secretary shifts? You'll "fit me in" somewhere? Are you kidding? Ugh. I've been at my job for a year and I've never had a problem with flexibility. I hope she's just difficult via email. I have to go by there later today to pick up some stuff that I ordered, so perhaps I can talk some sense into our actual scheduler. Pain in my behind already, woman.

So, my plan is to eat some brunch, aka protein shake, shower, get ready, stop by the hospital, go to school for a federal law enforcement employment seminar (HOLLA!), come back thiser way, eat something, find something to wear on my date, and go on it. Yall wish me luck, okay? Thanks.

Happy Monday.

Alright. It's been a week since I had surgery. You think the never ending headache can go away now?!?! Holy crap. I feel like ass. And I need to read a book and write a midterm. Amongst other things. Enough is enough!

More later when I can see straight.

Gah, can't believe I missed your surgery. I wanted to wish you well and I just remembered tonight that I hadn't checked your diary in awhile. Hope the headache is a thing of the past.

Also wanted to check on your health/fitness goals and see how everything is coming along with the fitness testing.

Been awhile since I've written. I didn't really intend on writing at all, just wanted to post this: www.marinecorpstimes.com . . .

But I guess I'll write a little, too. The headaches did finally go away after about 10 days. On March 12th, I went in for another surgery, which was supposed to be my last, but thanks to a dropped ball, they couldn't complete the surgery and it added two more to the list and set me back a few more weeks. Thanks to the mishap, I had to have a bone graft last week. It wasn't incredibly comfortable, but I was able to go back to work on Wednesday night with the help of some medication. But I did have to take the week off from the gym, which set me back, yet again. Incredibly disheartening.

Running still hasn't gotten much better, despite all the surgeries. I went running with an ROTC friend the week before the last surgery and two and a half weeks after the ENT surgery, and he said my breathing sounded good and he didn't know why I was still feeling like I'm suffocating. Which I still am, by the way. No matter what I do, it's not getting any easier. I hope it starts to soon. I don't want to give up or get differed another year. Damn freaking surgeries have ruined years upon years of my life as it is.

Last week was crappy. I started new birth control a few weeks ago and it made me a hot emotional mess. I was angry at the world, and couldn't stop crying, which is unlike me. Jimmy and I had a falling out, which we've now rectified. It was just a bad, bad week. I've since stopped taking the pills and have been feeling better. I've decided I'll likely try the NuvaRing (ewwww) and get a Mirena if the gross ring thing doesn't work out.

Add a few more crappy dates to the list, and you've got the last few weeks of my life in a nutshell. Nothing new to report.

Don't really have too much to report, but I figured I'd post 12 week post-op pictures. Quite a change, huh?!