Dear ZandB
My daughter’s TCRG told me that, with my daughter turning twelve and moving up to Novice level in competition, she can wear makeup, a wig and her a fancy school dress at the Feis! I just bought a crate of tanning lotion and a gallon of make-up with the optional high pressure sprayer, but now I’m hearing rumors that the adjudicators are looking for the “Irish Look.” So, you being the expert on these sort of things, what is the “Irish look” and where can I buy one for my daughter?
Distraught Feis Mom,
Dear Distraught Feis Mom,
Congratulations! Now that your daughter is twelve she can also do “Toes Tans”!
And you may be correct in the fact that the” Irish Look” is indeed, “where it’s at”. I’ve heard tell they’re even having contests for the “Reddest Hair”, “Greenest Eyes” and “Most Freckles” at Irish Festivals throughoutNorth America.
But all is not lost! Even though your daughter may lack those attributes, she can always wear a flaming red wig and green contacts at the Feis! And now, with the invention of “Zebadiah and Beuregards’s Instant Freckle Cream”, she’ll finally attain the much-desired “Freckled Franny” look.
Yes with ZandB’s Instant Freckles Cream, you just “spritz it on” by applying some to a tooth brush like the one on dad’s sink and flicking the bristles with your thumb. Allow it to set for a few minutes and spray off the excess for that Fresh Freckled Face Girl Look! (See before and after pictures).
I can assure you, we ran exhaustive safety tests on the product prior to releasing it on an unsuspecting public. OK, I’m gonna level with you; we shaved our cat, “Starbucks”, and spritzed her with it. She actually looks pretty impressive and there were no side effects, (with the minor exception of when we let her out at night; all the neighborhood cats are waiting patiently on the back porch to whoop her cat butt, but I’m sure it’s just a communication issue.)
As with all new products, your dancer should practice spritzing the cream before applying it on herself. Family pets and young siblings are great in this regard. You can spritz just the arms and face (watch out for those eyes) or go the “full Monty” for that authentic Gaelic Look!
Remember ladies, your daughters need all the help they can get climbing that podium. Don’t let them down!
Available soon from your favorite Feis vendors.
ZandB
More random natterings on the meaning of life, origins of the universe, idiosyncrasies of cats, and Irish Dance in the Southern Region at:
zandb.wordpress.com
