I was not sure where to put this so I apologize if I am in the wrong spot.

At what point do you give up?

I am leaving the question at that. You can apply the question to anything you would like, pursuing a crush, pursuing a dream job, trying to draw the perfect eye. Anything you would like.

I am curious to hear everyone's answers.

Probably at the point when the struggle becomes greater than the reward could ever be. For example, if your goal is to complete a triathlon, and during the course of your training you suffer multiple injuries, some of which may cause permanent damage, it might be time to think about giving up. Because as awesome as it would be to complete that goal, it's not worth risking your health for. But if the injuries are minor, or if the only struggle you encounter is feeling tired or burnt out, it's probably worth it to push yourself and keep going, because you'll forget about all of that once you have the satisfaction of completing the goal.

However, having said all of that, I am really bad about quitting things as soon as I start to perceive that I have a good chance of failing. In some cases, I talk myself out of even starting things if they seem too difficult. That's something I'm working on, though, because that's really no way to live life.

When the voice of reason in my head tells me to do so, and I can't argue it down anymore.

I only really gave up once, and that was loong ago in High School: I was picked to go to a Sience Fair to present a scientific project I made. I did that once and was very sucessful, so I decided to do it again the next year. But one thing lead to another, and in the end when I presented the project to the teachers one took me aside and told me that my work was not up the standarts of the fair, and that I should give up. I thought about that long and hard (while crying on my bed cussing and cursing), talked it over with a teacher - and gave up. And it was a good decision, because looking back today I fully realize that my project was not good enough indeed.

Now, that doesn't mean that one should give up when one is told so. Years later I was told to quit, and I didn't, and succeeded. But sometimes liestning to others can be helpful and give the voice of reason we all have in our heads are bigger chance to be heard. But still: There are things worth fighing for.

I also second Jonelle:
No pain, no gain - true! But if there's more pain than gain, one should leave. (Note that "gain" has nothing to do with money here. As a wise pirate once said: Not all treasure is silver and gold..)

When following the goal through becomes reasonably impossible.

I had a dream for a long time of making a particular clogging team. I knew all the right people, but was never quite brave enough to go "Hey, what about me?" But still, I kept the dream alive.

Then I moved 12 hours from where the team practiced.

Ok, well that pretty well shot that then. There was no reasonable way I was going to be able to travel 12 hours at a time to practice, and then 12+ hours to wherever each competition was, so that dream had to be shelved.

I think that's the only dream I've ever legitametly given up on. I've had dreams that I had to shelve because of problems - finances, not knowing how to get the ball rolling, that kind of stuff - but I've not really given up on any of those. I just had to put them on pause.

There's a saying: "If at first you don't succeed give it one, more really good try. And if you still don't succeed try something else."

If you feel it is worth the effort, I'd say keep your goal as long as you can still find new, untried approaches to it. But, once you have thoroughly exhausted all your options without making any progress, then you are wasting your time re-trying methods which have already been proven to fail.

You might give it one, more shot by consulting an expert to see if there is anything you haven't thought of and to analyze why your efforts didn't work. If nothing else, that might help you in better formulating your next goal.

But you can count me as one of those people who just hates to give up on something even when I probably should.

I'm pretty stubborn, so I usually won't give up until I'm beyond the point of failure. The problem is I usually get frustrated before then and still refuse to quit. So, I suppose when I'm frustrated to the point of beating myself up is when I give up.

I'm actually pretty pigheaded to giving up.

I only do it when it affects me or others quite adversely.

Like I don't really quit many things, but I do try and bow out. Like furfill all my obligations to others and bow out when they're done, so that's a form of giving up, but on your own terms. I rarely just give up something snap out of the blue, and don't try it.

It depends greatly on how important this 'something' is to me. And also, how much I already have invested in it. It's pretty easy to quit something I didn't really want to do in the first place, if it becomes very difficult or I come to realize, it was just a pipedream. But to cut my losses on something I have invested much of myself, my time, my effort and sometimes, my money in is a very hard thing to do.

kk~

How odd, what I'm listening to as I open this thread.

I don't like quitting things, so I'll hold on, even if it would make more sense to quit. It's hard for me to recognise when it makes most sense to quit. I think I'm interested to hear the answers on this thread too!

I am curious as to how you all would answer this question when applying it to relationships, weather it be a crush, boyfriend, husband, ect...

I didn't answer the original question yet, but I'll give your new one a try, Felsa.

I think that relationships take work and that they are an ongoing process in making them better and improving the bad things, etc. But, when the relationship seems to be more work then what you are gaining from it, that would be it for me. I don't think I could ever be the kind of person who breaks-up and gets back together with the same person over and over. If things didn't work the 1st or 2nd time, clearly there is an issue with the two of you working out or with the ways that both of you handle and care for a relationship. (ie. terrible communication skills that need to be worked out on a personal level before trying to have a serious relationship).

Often almost too late. Or never.

I do not like it to give up. So much that I even accept results that could have been better if I had given up.

Examples:
I was in masterclass mathematics in school. And realised it´s actually too difficult for me. It would have been possible to switch the course at an early state and instead I could have went to masterclasses in arts. But I never gave up. I did manage my mastercourse in mathematics, but the result was a quite weak end-exam in school. If I had switched the classes I would have had a WAY better end-exam.

I studied for a long long loooong time to become a teacher. Completly ignoring the fact that I realised it´s not my way. But I did not want to give up. In that case I had to give it up at a later point, but when I finally did I went through several years of horror allready. If I had decided to leave that way earlier, I could be ready with the job I learn now for quite some time now. Would have been better...



However, those are two bad examples where it would have been better to give up (earlier). But I also experienced allready that it can pay off as well when you´re stubborn and refuse to give up. It´s both good and bad.

Relationships are probably the rare exception-if it's work on my part with no reciprocation, I will most likely not be bothered with it.

When I start wishing I would fail, just so I can stop trying. By then I know it isn't worth putting that much energy in to anymore.

Normally I don't reach the point of wanting to give up because I live by the rule

I try to do my best, and I don't try to be THE best.

I am realistic about what I can do, but I also like to compete with my own goals.
At end-exams I knew that I would never reach the perfect average but I wanted a good result, so I studied hard, thought about what A level would suit me best and archieved a quite good result, a result I was happy with.

Following up in regard to your question about relationships...

Crush - The last time I had a crush on someone who did not reciprocate (well, he did, but not in the way I wanted), it went on for way, way, WAY too long, to the point that it was becoming quite pathetic. I'd like to think I'd never do that again, but the truth of the matter is that I can be quite doggedly determined when I've got my eye on someone. This is definitely one area where I have trouble accepting that I may not be able to get what I want, especially if the guy in question is leaving any room whatsoever for doubt about his feelings. I'd say I usually only give up on a crush if (1) I find out something about him that makes him completely unappealing to me, (2) he starts dating someone else, or (3) he just completely stops talking to me and makes it clear that he'd like to move on in his life without having me be a part of it.

Boyfriend - Yikes. This is shameful, but I have a history of not moving on from relationships, even when they're CLEARLY not working, until I'm sure that I've got someone else waiting in the wings. Again, I'd like to think that, were I ever in that situation again, I'd behave differently, but my track record is not great.

Husband - Well, I wouldn't have married him if I didn't intend on sticking it out for the long haul. At this point, it is hard to imagine a situation with my actual husband where I'd give up on him. The types of things that would make me not want to be bound to someone for the rest of my life are things that I would think SURELY would have come up already in the nine years we've been together. I love my husband so much, and he is such an important part of my life, that he would have to do something MAJOR in order for me to ever consider leaving. And it would probably have to be a pattern of behavior, not just a one-time thing, and it would have to be a situation where I saw no desire on his part to even try to change.