I feel like my crazies are flaring up again and I can't handle it. It seems like everything will be going perfect but my mind can't handle it. I've been having anxiety attacks so severe that I've only been to two classes this week. I haven't been taking care of myself in ways I should be , instead I've been binging on junk all week. I have strong desires to cut, drink, or pop some pills but I haven't done anything. All I do is pretend things aren't bad and I just escape by thinking or imaging myself in any different scerario.


This shouldn't be happening right now. I'm doing well in school. My job is going great. I'm finally saving some money. I was eating better. My relationship skills have improved but my mind can't handle it.

I feel so destructive right now.

Please give me some insight.

I should mention after re-reading what I wrote this isn't about wanting to take my life or anything that extreme.

What do you mean by your 'crazies are flaring up again'? Have you had past history of cutting, being paranoid, popping pills, ect.? I think a bit more information would help people to know what kind of insight to give you.
My own take on this is it looks like you're saying that mentally you don't feel sound. At all. There's apparently no reason for it, so you want to know what to do. Right? Honestly I think the number one response you're going to get is to see a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, whatever. I've read on so many other posts on this board of people similar to you and this is the most popular response I see.

I can actually relate to you myself, as I have been struggling mentally for the past five years or more. It was diagnosed as depression by a walk-in clinic, but I really have strong suspicions that I'm actually bi-polar in some way. Yes, I want to see a specialist but I don't have any insurance or that kind of money. Anyway, it seems that when things start changing, whether for good or bad, my mind freaks out and shuts down. My husband and I just started school a couple weeks ago which will be SUCH a good thing for us, will help our future tremendously and all that. I have been struggling so badly, I wanted to quit after the first day and didn't care at that moment if I sat at home for the rest of my life. I'm the type that needs to be mentally stimulated or I get bored and want to remove myself from the situation. I can't just sit at home, I have to be doing something. So what in the world am I thinking?
That is just one tiny example of what my life is going through right now. I really know how you're feeling, if I'm interpreting your post correctly. I go through that a lot myself. I don't really have advice but I can be support. PM me if you like.

Thank you for your kind words.

I just wanted to write how I was feeling. I have a long history of severe anxiety and depression. I just lived there the roughest 2 years of my life and I finally felt back on track. I had to take a break from college because of how severe everything got. I stopped taking care of myself like basic hygiene. I gained a lot of weight. I do have a history of paranoid anxiety attacks, cutting, and substance abuse, but I finally felt like I was making a recovery until two weeks ago.

I have been on anxiety meds but I'm currently not because of other medications I'm on and the dr doesn't want a reaction.

I tried two anti-depressants but i need a new one.