OK, opening disclaimer: I know I'm not in as dire straits as I could be/many other people must be, but to me this is a bit overwhelming.

I've been struggling with disordered eating in various forms for about 2 and a half years now, the last year easily being the worst; I lost a fair amount of weight way too fast (including one particularly bad period where I went down a dress size in 2-3 weeks, nothing has been quite so drastic since!!) and have had problems with blacking out, poor circulation, digestion etc for a sizeable portion of this time. I basically starve but have tried to purge on a number of occasions - it hasn't ever worked but the frequency of the attempts has been going up. I've really struggled to get a conclusive diagnosis though my counsellor has suggested EDNOS with anorexic tendencies, since whilst I have a textbook anorexic mindset I'm well within a healthy weight range for my height and build. (Well - that's what my doctor said in the summer when he weighed me, I don't weigh myself)

I've only just started to get to grips with the issue properly and have been eating pretty well for the last couple of months - I'm still struggling with my self perception every single day but when I've fallen back into starving habits (I do still like the feeling I get when I've been restricting and "get thinner") I've realised quite how much it screws me up and have dragged myself back way more than I'd be able to previously.

The thing is, it would seem that everything I've put my body through, especially last year, has had more of an effect than I imagined. My dance teachers have noticed that I'm having more trouble with my knees and shin splints, for instance, despite being far more thorough and careful with my stretching/injury prevention routine. I am far more susceptible to illness; it's now not uncommon for me to be knocked out and stuck in bed with a cold my friends will shake off, when it was previously unheard of for me to take a day off anything for any kind of illness. I went away for four days last week with my school and we were walking/sightseeing up to 12 hours each day and it completely wiped me out - it was amazing but I barely lasted the trip!! I have a few people who know me and my history inside out and they are keen to attribute the ED to how weak I seem to be getting.

One of my teachers (who's one of those trusted people) also was still concerned I wasn't eating enough so added up all the calories from food I ate in one average "good" day - this was eating three meals, even snacks, and I felt quite proud of it. Yet the total didn't even come to 1000 - I'm not eating to put on weight by a long shot, but I seem to need a lot of fuel and I know that that isn't enough. I just can't see how I can get that much down every day without making myself feel disgusting! I felt pretty full after the day in question and my dad had to finish some of the salad I had with my dinner. I just feel disheartened and frustrated, even if it does explain why I so often feel faint even when I have been eating.

I've also been suffering increasingly from bouts of low mood which are horrible, I've had a fair few days when I just haven't been able to get myself up and dressed and have sat around in my pyjamas all day. Admittedly I am a teenager but this so isn't like me at all, the people who look after me have been really concerned because I'm usually very proactive, hardworking (a little too hardworking) and animated - even I can see it's not really me and that kind of scares me, especially as I find it really hard to talk about to most people (including my counsellor).

I'm seeing a new doctor this week, having been pressed to make an appointment by my school, as I had a lot of frustrating times trying to get my old one to take me seriously - as I'm not close to being hospitalised it's unlikely that the NHS (I'm British) would be able to do anything for me, but my school keep pressing for me to try and get more help because apparently I need it. I'm getting really stressed about what I need to say to this new doctor and don't see what they'll be able to do to help, since I'm getting unlimited free counselling through my school at the moment which is better than the service my surgery could offer me (I've already experienced this), but I seem to be getting worse.

I just feel really helpless about everything; this year's a big one for me as I need to get the right A Level grades to meet my offer for a very prestigious university place which I had to fight tooth and nail for and which meant and still means the absolute world to me. I can't mess up now.

This really is a rant and a half, sorry for that. Means a lot if you get to the end, it really helped me to write it all.

I could have written this. I completely understand where you are coming from and know how difficult it is to deal with. I would say that one thing that has helped me is keeping a journal. Just writing it all out and getting it out of my head helps me a little bit with staying focused on my life, not my body/what I'm eating.

It has also helped me to find a trusted person to confide in. This issue that you're having is probably stemming from a deeper-rooted problem. The person I've chosen to confide in has helped me to start to process what caused me to start developing these habits.

I've also turned to meditation for comfort. Just taking 10 minutes every day really helps me clear my head and makes me more relaxed.

I don't know if this helped at all, but I hope that you can get yourself the help you need. You seem to be pretty aware that what you're dealing with isn't healthy, and that's half the battle right there. So get yourself the help you need and try not to worry too much about what to say to this new doctor. I know it's hard, but stay strong.

Thanks I'm sort of doing a couple of those things, but whilst my trusted people are amazing and I couldn't do without them they do often have to remind me that they can't get better for me

Seeing a new doctor tomorrow though, and I've made a massive effort to eat lots today to get me over feeling so weak after being ill... *breathes*

I often have under-1000 calorie days, though ED isn't my primary issue.

Your health is more important than anything else. Put A levels and all the rest out of your mind. School can wait. I know it feels like the most important thing in the universe, but it can wait. You need to take care of YOU first. Without your health - both mental and physical - nothing else matters. It will eventually come crashing down in fiery glory, so it's best to nip this in the bud.

What do you tell the doctor? Tell him the truth. He'll know what questions to ask you, and answer as best you can.

It takes a long time to come to terms with all this stuff, so be patient with yourself. I had to shift my priorities in this way, too, and it took a loooong time. But you'll get there! You are #1, though. Not school, not university, not dance, YOU. Make that your primary goal and everything else will fall into place.