First off for anyone wondering why this is anon it's because many of my friends are on here and I don't want them knowing the ins and outs
Basically I had a 3 year on and off relationship with what I deem as my first true love. This summer we broke up a mutual agreement as our lives just seemed to be heading in such different directions. Initially he was very keen almost straight off to get back together but I wasn't sure as we'd gone through all the hurt and I didn't want to get back together and flop straight away in the few months after I went on a bit of a wild one and wasn't considerate as I could be. Towards the end of november I decided that I'd made a mistake but I had a lol of baggage and needed counciling etc to sort out a few issues that were straining out relationship. So I got help set things straight with him as friends and began to wonder if he was up for another relationship we then had a steamy evening in his car after a long heart to heart which I believe left us both loved up again after this we started to drift a bit again so I decided to make my feelings known last Sunday an tell him I want another shot at me an him. He seems hesitant for the reasons I was when he wanted to get back together and agreed to hear me out on how I've dealt with my issues etc. We meet up and have another long chat and it is left as what I beleved that we both needed to think things through but we had a shot at being together. Fastforward to today and he suddenly discloses that he's seeing another girl nothing serious but plans to start a relationship in a few weeks. Initially I'm heart broken but then we start talking and he's asking me to email him in a few days when were both less upset etc and not disagreeing with me when I say that sometimes you have to get close to someone else before you realise how you feel about other people.
So really I'm wondering what you guys recorn is going on in his head I'm so confused about the situation but would do anything to have him back as he is the love of my life

Sometimes the loves our lives don't love us back.

I'd say that ship has sailed. He's moving on, you need to too. It's going to hurt and you're going to feel alone and like there's no one else on the planet who will ever make you feel like he did. You will listen and nod your head when someone tells you there's plenty of fish in the sea. But you won't believe them. Not yet anyway. You'll brood and feel depressed. But then one day, to quote Swingers (an excellent break-up movie - watch it):

Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her... because you lived with it for so long.

If in the email he talks about getting back together after telling you he's planning on getting serious with another chick, run, don't walk from the dude. If he wants to keep something on the side with you and have her, then he's a douche. Don't fall for it. If he really just wants to talk, then listen to him; set aside your own agenda and your own hurt and really hear what he has to say. And reread what you just said:

a 3 year on and off relationship

It hasn't been stable - ever. What's the saying? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You've been getting the same results every time, what makes you think it's going to be different now?

our lives just seemed to be heading in such different directions

That's not a bad thing. We're not always meant to be with our first true love. Sometimes, our hearts need a roughening up and bruising so we can discover that our first love was true and sweet but broken, not as fulfilling as we had originally thought.

wonder if he was up for another relationship we then had a steamy evening in his car

He was more than happy to have a "steamy evening" with you before laying our whether you were in a relationship yet. Just say no to ex sex.

we started to drift a bit again

Because you like the idea of the relationship but you're two different people now.

He seems hesitant

Girl. He's not into you.

he's seeing another girl

Was he seeing her when you two hooked up? You say he said it isn't anything serious yet, but still, you're being played.

Move on. He's done. He's your past, not you present or future. Lick your wounds and then go about your life. There *are* other fish in the sea you know.

*Nod*


It's true. It's not a glamourous thing to hear and deal with, but it's time to move on. And think about it too - do you deserve having your heartstrings constantly pulled like that? Or, do you derserve something better for yourself, preferring to branch out and see what great things life has to offer?


If someone has loved you once, someone else is bound to love you again. And most likely it will be a much nicer, more real love than this one.


It won't be easy, but you CAN do this. Have faith in yourself and your strength. Have faith in your beauty. Have faith in your potential and all the good things that you have to offer. Have faith and focus on other aspects of your life that is outside of a relationship status, like your beloved hobbies, your good friends, your education, your trusted family. Don't attach or worry yourself on a situation that is unstable, especially over a guy who seems to toss a bunch of mixed signals and sketchy motives.