For quite a while now I have been suffering from the symptoms of depression and 5 months ago I first went to the doctor about it. I wasn't even going there about that but it just sort of came up. It still hasn't been officially diagnosed but nearly everything else it could be has been ruled out with blood tests and stuff. My doctor does believe that it is depression but doesn't want to 'label' it because I am so young still.

I have battle for any form of treatment. I can't have it counselling through school because I am already under the care of the doctor, and the doctor cannot get me accepted anywhere for counselling because I have not been through a school counselling system first. Letters have gone backwards and forwards from doctor to school and I am given little information. Some teachers treat it as a more serious matter than others and I just get lectured about not letting my parents know what is happening to me. I try to explain that they will not understand and they probably wont want to talk to me ever again. They have very, set and old fashioned views about depression and do not see it as a real illness. With everyone treating me if different ways and telling me different things I feel very confused and lonely. Without an official diagnosis its very hard for me to understand why I feel so awful. It's almost like saying 'yeah I feel like crap but it doesnt have a name'

Im just looking for support. It could be months before I can get any sort of treatment. I may end up on medication but I don't know yet.

If you don't mind my asking... where do you live that you can't get treatment until you go through the school? I remember your story from before, but I've never heard of that.

Hi, I know how you feel. My family have similar views to depression which I suffered with a few years ago, I was able to get counselling through the Uni but I hated it. The Uni doctors were no help they did loads of blood tests and were convinced it was anything else, almost a year later when I was at work after having more than one breakdown at work I was forced to go to a different doctor or lose my job. They medicated me immediately and just as immediately I vowed to get off the Prozac and be happy on my own which I did and I wouldn't say all is well there is the occasional not good time but mostly I am well.

So... Have you tried seeing a different doctor? Sometimes doctors have different attitudes towards things and it may help to talk to someone different.

There are herbal anti depressants which are available easily from shops, not sure what country you are in but in the Uk you can get this anywhere: holland and Barrat, boots superdrug, all the major supermarkets. It's called st johns wort, it's completely herbal and you take one tablet a day. If you are able to try it you may find it helps, I was originaly very anti taking mood stabilisers but was less against the herbal ones which was what NHS direct suggest I try when my boss made me ring them at 2 in the morning.

If you are in the UK and you need someone to talk to then NHS direct are there, they can connect you to a counsellor. There are other organisations like the Samaritans too who you can call, my Grandad actually volunteers with them and I know there are similar schemes in other countries too.

If you would like to talk then you can talk to me, I understand you have hidden your identity and I wouldn't dream of revealing anything you said but please PM me about anything. There is nothing you can say that would shock me, I've been through a lot and have friends that have been through the rest. In November I lost someone to suicide, his doctor had said that he may be a little depressed but wasn't that worried. He didn't talk to anyone about what he was going through and I would hate that to happen to anyone else, so please if you want to you can talk to me any time.

Baibe x

I swear I unchecked anonymous, gah. Anyway it's me.

Baibe x

Sorry I haven't replied, its been one of those weeks.

The school told my mum on Tuesday. My head of house called her. Turns out she already knew that something was up. A few weeks back she got a letter from the place my doctor lead me to believe was just a counselling service, only it was a psychiatric hospital.
When my mum got off the phone she just shouted at me, she told me i had been telling people she was a bad mother and that head of house was accusing her of being a bad parent, even though she wasn't she was just telling the truth.
She keeps going on about it, how i accused her of being a bad parent. I know she is trying to make me feel guilty, like its my fault all this has happened.
She is coming to the doctors with me on Tuesday, I'm dreading it to be honest, the doctor is going to tell her exactly what head of house told her and she is just going to go mental at me again. I so scared she is going to tell her about my feelings of self harm. At my last appointment, she asked me if i had had any feelings of hurting myself, and i was just being honest. I said that I had, but I didn't have any intentions of hurting myself and i never felt the need to, sometimes i just think about it, but I think everyone does that from time to time. My mum is going to immediately assume that that is why i got this letter from the psychiatric hospital, but my doctor had already decided she was sending that referral before i told her this.
I'm not so sure I have depression either, all i want to do is see a counselor and i just think that it is going to help so much.