So I am 20 and a sophomore in college. Six months ago, I got out of a really serious, long relationship. So, basically I'm new to the whole "dating" thing again. I met this guy through a friend, and twice- we have gone to parties with groups of friends and ended up making out. (After a few drinks of course). Both times, it has ended in both of us saying it just happened because of the drinks.

I also know that he has a sort of "girl-toy"/friends with benefits. As far as I know, there is nothing between them but that. This guy is a year younger than me and I know that he is a virgin and stuff. Not that it makes a difference.

Anyways, so I think I might be falling for him a little. I think he is really sweet and cute.... But I don't know how to approach this. Part of me wants to make the first move and text him now and then and maybe ask him to hang out.

The other part of me is still COMPLETELY untrusting of guys (from my breakup this summer.) I am reluctant to put myself out there just to find out that this guy isn't worth my time either. Shouldn't the guy make the first move? I want a guy who WANTS to hang out with me and has a crush on ME...not always the other way around.

I know this is kind of a rant...but please give me some honest advice. To go for it, or should I just not and see what happens.

If you want to make a rule for yourself that you only want to date guys who make the first move, then okay, but you have to accept that you might be missing out on opportunities because both of you are too nervous to take a chance.

I suggest that you DO go for it with this guy. I see it this way: either he feels similarly and you both get what you want or he isn't feeling it and you two stop fooling around. One way you end up together, the other way you stop fooling around with a guy that isn't into you and can refocus your energy for finding a guy that IS interested. Plus, the time to take risks and "put yourself out there" is in early adulthood.

Most girls feel the same way as you and want the guy to make the first move. But it doesn't always work out like we want it to. The guy may be shy or intimidated.

I would go for it. Not only would it be a good experience since you're new to the whole "dating" thing, but it may help you heal. I see nothing wrong with texting him and asking to hang out.

Make the first move in a guarded sort of way, if that makes sense? It probably sounds silly. Just study with him, have lunch together, work out if your school has a fitness center and you're both into that, or go get coffee. That way you're putting yourself out there enough for him to not have doubts about you being interested. Either way, you two could wind up as close friends. You don't have to date a guy to appreciate the eye candy.

feisfeet wrote:

I also know that he has a sort of "girl-toy"/friends with benefits. As far as I know, there is nothing between them but that.

The other part of me is still COMPLETELY untrusting of guys (from my breakup this summer.) I am reluctant to put myself out there just to find out that this guy isn't worth my time either.

I am all for girls making the first move - however, you say that he may be involved with someone else right now. If you do decide to ask him to hang out, make sure that you are honest with each other. If he is involved with someone else would you be ok with that while you are dating (not exclusively)? If you are already struggling with trusting guys, be honest with yourself as things progress with this guy so you don't hurt yourself