I know there is probably posts about this already, but seeing as how I'm at work I don't have time to search and just want some advice until I have more time to research.

A bit of background: this girl and I are best friends and were extremely close throughout high school. A year after graduation, I moved 2 1/2 hours away while she stayed in town. When I moved back a year later, she moved 6 1/2 hours away and that's where she is now. So we haven't really seen each other as much as we used to or would like to.

Anyways, last night I found out she had a miscarriage back in June. She also has a lot of stress on her plate as it is. She was telling me about how she feels no one is validating how she feels and that her boyfriend doesn't get it. Understandably, she hasnt been dealing with it well and is pretty much on her own. I'm totally at a loss of what to do or say to help her. The distance makes I hard since I can't as there for her as I used to be. This is the first time I've experienced this and I can't imagine what she's going through. All I really know is not to say 'it happened for a reason', etc. which I wouldn't ever say anyways. Even though this baby wasnt planned, she was 4 months along and wanted the baby very much. Can anyone help me?

Just be honest- tell her you don't have the right words because there are some things in life too large for words. Acknowledge that she's grieving and has a right to do so for however long it takes. There is no time limit on grief.
Offer your friendship and support.
And remember: There's nothing worse than the meaningless "if there's anything I can do..."

It's as bad as losing a child that was born. Just the fact that you care enough to say that you are sorry for her loss and that if she needs anything, a hug, a favor, an ear, that you will be there for her. Send her a sympathy card, too.

It's tough because in any sort of grief, even if you have been there, all people handle it differently.

Thank you! So far I've just told her that I'm here for her and she can talk to me any time over anything. And told her I can't imagine what she's experiencing and I'm sorry she has to go through this. She kind of mentioned about finding a group for people who have had miscarriages or talking to her friends that have had one before and I encouraged her to do that. I'm scared of asking the wrong thing or something. I just want her to get it out if she needs to. I'm so used to being able to fix things for her and I definitely can't do anything that's going to fix this one. I plan on sending her a card as soon as I have time to pick one up. I also told her of she ever needed to escape she's welcome to come up to my house and stay for however long she wants. Is that all ok so far?

I think what you've said and done so far is just fine. I would also consider how she responds to stress and trauma normally-my coworker miscarried last year, and all she wanted from us was to be distracted. Baking, teaching, a Target trip, anything just to get her mind off it. Of course, she and her husband had their own private grieving process, which helped, but her friends were her distraction, because that's how she prefers to handle situations like that.

It was more than okay. It was being a true friend. Just the fact that you asked how to help her, speaks volumes of your big heart.