I'm really struggling with some of my work colleagues at the moment. I work in an office, so we spend 7 or 8 hours a day sat together and they're really starting to grate on me.

They're all obsessed with calories. Literally, it's almost the only thing they talk about. I feel like I'm being judged for what I eat because they'll all eat a tiny salad and then complain all afternoon that they're hungry, but when I get out my proper lunch, I know the question "do you know how many calories are in that?" is only seconds away. The thing is, it's sort of getting into my mind and I can feel myself being dragged into some unhealthy thoughts about food. I absolutely resent being judged for what I'm eating when I KNOW I'm much healthier - my diet is more balanced, I exercise a lot and I haven't gained (or lost) weight in the last year. I don't want to be dragged down, but I don't know how to stop it.

The other thing - there's this one girl who really rubs me the wrong way. Fact of the matter is, she's a cheapskate. And fair enough if someone is genuinely struggling, but while she complains almost non stop about how little she gets paid, how she never has any money, how she can't afford to do any of the things she wants to do, she goes out and gets absolutely smashed every Friday night. She "borrows" my stuff all the time (teabags, milk, chewing gum) and never offers me anything in return. The other day, she asked me if she could borrow a teabag and when I told her I was out, she said "ugh, I can't believe nobody on this team has any teabags!". She just makes it so obvious that she'll do anything to get free stuff and avoid spending her own money and I find it a bit embarrassing. But I feel equally awkward about not letting her borrow a teabag or whatever because it sounds so petty.

EDIT: Oh! I forgot the thing that prompted me to post this in the first place, in my rage! So today, we had a ton of free pudding/cake type things delivered to work and an email came round saying "help yourselves". She took SEVEN things and there were a lot of people who didn't get any at all. I think that was incredibly selfish - especially as she's on this absurd diet, so she's given it all to her boyfriend who doesn't even work for our company. Is it my place to say something? I just think it was really off, especially as she bragged on Facebook about how much free stuff she got (and when someone called her on it, she said "nobody said there wa a limit"). Do I menion it tomorrow?

Ugh. I don't know if there's any advice you can give me (happy to hear it!) but it was nice to just vent (to someone who hasn't heard it 500 times before, like my boyfriend has!). I think one day soon I might just lose my temper and make things extra awkward.

Your story sounds a lot like my workplace. I work as a waitress so I have mostly female co-workers. Recently they all were doing the " Master Cleanse " for two weeks at a time. My issue with that is these girls were tiny and didn't need a diet much less something this extreme. Then one day I was listening to them talk about calories and their weight, one girl was like " When I was really fat I weighed XXX and I stopped eating this and that and have kept it off " One the weight she was so ashamed is actually 10 pounds lighter than I am and she is underweight and looks disgusting. It really gave me some negative feelings about work and food.

Also I've had people bitch and moan about money when they are literally doing drugs or drinking every night. One girl specifically will " steal tables " so she can make more tips than anyone and when you confront her she gives a sob story about needing the money so bad when she doesn't have any bills or schooling to take care of!

We've had pizza delivered before for us being such good employees and some people will eat 4 pieces and leave a majority without any. It's so selfish.

I would try to ignore as much as possible. I wouldn't share anything with the one girl who never does anything in return. You could say " Sure I'll give you a tea bag but I'm sure you'll understand that I need a dollar for it "or start asking her for little things. As for the food thing I would say " Thanks for the input but I'm perfectly fine with my diet and my exercise, and I'm also working out tonight so I need some " real food " not just a salad". I would tell your boss about that girl stealing the food for her boyfriend.

I wish I could be more helpful but I understand how annoying it is to deal with people like that.

No I don't know how many calories are in my lunch. Aren't I lucky that I don't have to obsess over what I eat?

And yes, tell your boss. Especially if she broadcast it publicly on Facebook, take a screenshot and e-mail the pic to your boss. Dear Boss, I saw this on so-and-so's Facebook. I realize I don't know the full story and you may have okay-ed this, but I wanted to bring it to your attention if you were unaware.

Angelina wrote:

"do you know how many calories are in that?"

I went to school last year with a girl like this. She ate tuna and celery sticks or a boiled egg and celery sticks EVERY DAY, and then complained how bored she was with her food.

When she attempted to shame me about what I was eating, by saying something like that, I would say to her "do you know how little I care?".

She would look at what I was eating and go "Oh, I wish I could eat that!" and I wanted to say, "you can, you silly bint! you don't have to eat tuna and celery every single day!"

Erin.
::righteous babe::

The lunch thing? Tell them to bug off. Use any of the pointed comments provided above, or insert any others you feel are witty/appropriate.



I had a coworker (recently got fired, though) who did the food hogging thing. No matter how small the plate of cookies/candies/etc, he would make sure to have 3-5 helpings just as fast as he possibly could, often before anyone else had gotten to it. Not a thought for the rest of the department! There's really not a whole lot you can do about that one if the food that's being shared isn't being provided by you personally, save for making sure that you snap up your fair share before the food hog gets there (and/or arrange a buddy system so coworkers can snag portions for each other.) If you're the one providing the goods, hide them in your desk/cube somewhere, dish into individual portions, and pop into folks' offices and leave it on their desks.


And you are absolutely not obligated to share tea and gum and stuff with your coworker, especially if she's never sharing with you. Hide these items, and continue to tell her you're out if she asks. Eventually she'll get the hint.

I have someone at work that takes multiple portions of shared items (but eats them all herself and then whinges about how she's put on weight). I work in a fairly small environment so once it became well known by everyone we would just do things in secret and bring them out once everyone had had a piece. Mean? Maybe, but there was once a time when someone didn't even get a slice of their birthday cake because she had taken a massive piece.

The same woman does the "oh I don't know how you can eat that and stay so skinny" while I'm eating a sandwich with a small chocolate and she's eating 2 croissants and an entire packet of biscuits. I usually shut her up by saying "yeah, I have a 2 hour dance class tonight so I'm sure it will burn off" or "I ran for an hour last night so I think I deserve it".

I've never had someone that constantly "borrows" my stuff. I'd just pretend that I never had any of whatever she wanted. People like that really annoy me.

I just had another story to add. When I was working my crappy retail job we never received anything special like raises or any form of appreciation. One year we received a giant box of gourmet cookies and candies so we were all really excited. Two days later we found the box completely empty in the manager's office. She ate or took home every single cookie/candy. It was really sad because she was also getting a $1,500 bonus check but she had to steal our lousy treats.

I have worked with "Do you know how many calories is in that" people (I can hear it in my head as I typed it, they don't say it, they almost whine it with a childish upward lilt at the end), my standard responce now is "nope, and I really don't care either".

I think that if they are bugging me that much (and oh how they bugged me, and "borrowed" my stuff as well, did we once work in the same office?), I don't want to be a friends with them anyway. So i may as well enjoy my lunch in peace.

I've never had the calorie count thing - most of the places I've worked have been fairly unhealthy! And always a decent mix of men and women, and if there's one thing I've always found to be true, it's that diet-obsessed women won't talk about it in front of men.

Stealing food - oh man. We had a toaster in the kitchen at work so I would often have peanut butter on toast for breakfast. The level of the peanut butter was going down so I marked the side of the jar. It dipped below the level so I put a sticky label on both sides of the jar and on the lid saying LOUISE'S. The level went down again so I sent an email round the entire company (admittedly only about 20 of us). It still went down! Eventually I think I put a used teabag in there just to spite them. Loser, ha. People are cheap, they really are. Hide stuff and refuse to share. Refusing to share only works if you never beg or borrow from anyone else though.

On the cake thing, we had one occasion where someone had helped themselves to cakes in the kitchen fridge before anyone had announced that they were for sharing. Etiquette dictated that you'd wait for the "It's my birthday, cakes in the fridge!" email before getting stuck in, but somebody just took an eclair or something without asking. The lady whose birthday it was was so annoyed that she pretended the cakes were for taking home to her grandchildren!

I would definitely 'grass' (classic 90s terminology there) on the girl who took a crapload of stuff home for her boyfriend. I'd also start doing the "cheapo, cheapo, cheapo" football chant to anyone who took my stuff or took extra. I might also make a big show of NOT taking a cake.

Colleague: Aren't you going to have a cake Louise?
Louise: I thought I would go without this time since there aren't enough to go around...it looked like there were enough but I must have been mistaken as there are only two left now! I wonder what happened? Anyway I don't mind having one so that colleague x and colleague y can get involved.

You could also add that you wouldn't want to offend your rabbit colleagues by consuming anything but a leaf from a privet hedge and a sip of water in front of them.

I hate this it didn't used to happen at work because at our desk we all shared the stuff out and were quite healthy so it didn't come up very often more likely to be invited on a run. In my previous job it was more complicated because I was working on a one to one basis with the client and I had to say I couldn't accept it because it was company policy but as I had to eat lunch with the client I got lots of comments over my food intake I learnt to ignore it or I took a book along as no one said I had to talk to them but this is a drastic measure.

Where I have come across it is with volunteering and I went away with the organisation and everyone literally stared at me while I ate saying you eat alot. I just stared at them and told them it was none of their business

Just say that you've been swimming/running and you are extra hungry and if they are that bothered about their weight you will eat their food too and say they shouldn't mind since they are on such a stupid diet Can't you find anyone else to eat with? Or eat away from your desk? Read a book people are less likely to annoy you or have you got an ipod or something so you can't hear what they are saying? Invite them to go running with you? Then take them on a horrendous run and say you need proper food when they can't move.

In my old work they used to put each tables share on their desk. Simpler and up to the team to divide it. Would this work here? Keep the teabags in your desk for your use or in your handbag.

Oh man, the calorie crusaders. I have a bunch of these people who sit within earshot of me, and it drives me nuts because I know they eat a lot of unhealthy food and junk food, but then every once in a while they decide to start obsessing over how many calories are in their bagels or something.

This wasn't at work, but recently we got together for my sister and brother-in-law's anniversary, and we had some ice cream cake. I ate one piece, and then when my husband got a second piece, I took a couple of bites of his. My mom said, "Oh, that's good, because if you eat it off of his plate, you don't get the calories!" which is one of her favorite jokes. I ignored her, so she said, "You do know that, right? If you eat it off of someone else's plate, there aren't any calories!" and I said, "I couldn't care less." She was a little stunned by that, I think, because she wasn't expecting it. So I would say a simple response like that, delivered in a monotonous tone of voice, should probably do the trick. I wouldn't go into a big explanation about how you deserve it because you work out or anything, because you don't owe anyone an explanation for your eating habits. And actually, I usually DO know approximately how many calories are in my food, so that could be another tactic. "Oh, I'd say about 450, give or take." Just make up a number if you want. It'll probably throw them off because they're not actually expecting you to know the answer; they just want to shame you into feeling bad for enjoying food that they can't let themselves enjoy.

As for the food moochers, there's one in every crowd. Unfortunately, the only way to put a stop to it in most cases is to send out an e-mail saying EXACTLY how many portions each person is allowed to take and then have someone sit within sight of the food to make sure no one's taking more than their fair share.

I work with one of those "I'm so poor, I have no money, wah wah wah" types and she drives me NUTS because she's always going on about it. Funnily enough, she does have money enough for cigarettes and an iPhone...

Whenever my company orders food, they have people serve it to us. Then if there are leftovers, they'll all for seconds. That way ensures that everyone who wants gets.

I work with a lot of men, so I don't really get the calorie counters. I do track what I eat, but not so much to count calories. It's more if I don't write down everything I eat, I'll end up living on a diet of junk food & caffeine. Not good.

One of my girl friends recently commented on this sort of thing. I found it hysterically funny/accurate at the time, so I'll share

"Skinny girls look better in clothes, but only curvy girls look good naked."

^I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I think it's a much healthier attitude to accept that all body types are beautiful in their own way, rather than saying that one is better than the other in some way. Thin women can look gorgeous with no clothes on too, and curvy women can look fabulous in clothes. I know it was just a joke, but I would love to see women stop tearing each other down to make themselves feel better, even if it's in a supposedly humorous way. Not to mention that if you (general you) are a curvy woman, and you truly think "skinny" women look better in clothes, that's not a very positive commentary on how you feel about your own body.

^

I completely agree. I know it's meant as a joke, but the fact that it's okay to tell that joke says something about our society that I don't like. So we've got people who were ridiculed for being overweight, and all they do to make themselves feel better is ridicule thinner women for being skinny and I find it really hard to believe that a woman cannot feel good about herself without putting someone else down.

And it's not even an accurate statement. Curvy is a body type, it has no link to size - I consider myself curvy, but I also consider myself to be slim. I'm curvy because of my smaller waist in comparison to my hips, but I'm slim because my proportions are smaller overall.

Sorry, it's one of those statements that really annoys me, I'd like to see women of all sizes feeling good about themselves without having to (whether it's a joke or not) put someone else down. Angelina, it sounds like you work in my office! In my office we have a girl who is probably about a UK 12-14 but in her mind she's a 22-24. She'll eat pretty much nothing all day, boast to everyone that she has eaten so little, then complain that she feels faint. Most of my office are (by their own admission) overweight though, and I have had a few comments on the one day a week I come in with a chippie. I try to ignore it as best I can, or respond to their comments in a way that ignores the subtext in theirs.

Sorry to cause offence This isn't intended to justify my comment by any means, but I should have mentioned the back-story was a discussion on current clothing trends - eg skinny leg jeans/leggings and super short hotpants, and how we felt frustrated because we (our group) didn't feel this look was accessible to everyone. My assumption was that her comment was a reaction to current fashion trends, not a "put down" on those women who are naturally slender. (Hope that clears things up )

Thanks for your comments and for sharing your own stories too!

Thought you might like an update - I made a half-joking comment about how many puddings she took and it didn't go down very well. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the week, but I couldn't tell if it was deliberate or if she was generally in a bad mood and not really speaking to anyone. Anyway, it was quite a welcome change, really.

It just irritates me a bit that I have to spend all day with these people that I don't really like very much (and if I didn't work with them, we'd have very little in common) but I get criticised if I don't want to also socialise with them after work/at weekends. I have actual friends who I barely get to see during the week who I want to spend my valuable spare time with!

I think part of it is that 2 of them are relatively new to this city (they're from the country, so moving straight to London is a pretty big change) and they're struggling to make friends, so they're kind of clinging to each other because of that (I went through the same thing when I moved here, so I can sympathise). The other guy isn't really a city boy either and doesn't like having to live in London very much. I just think they could take so many more opportunities and they'd be happier, but... well, it's not up to me.