This is a secret because I'm ashamed of how bad I've let this get. If anyone has any advice, thoughts, motivational stories, or a kick in the butt I could really use it!

I never struggled with my weight until I was 19. I was always the girl who could eat anything and never gain a pound. After high school I wasn't as active. I was no longer dancing, doing sports, or working out. I started working at the mall and eating most of my meals at the food court because I was working almost full time and also working part time at a restaurant. The weight gain started slowly and just 10 pounds. Everyone around me commented on how I need to lose weight and I was starting to lose my looks by getting fat even though I was still closer to underweight than overweight. I ended up having some major health issues and lost 25 pounds.

As soon as my health issues were under control I started gaining weight at a rapid pace. I ended up gaining 40 pounds over a few short months but I worked hard and lost 20 of it. Once again university and work took over my life and I gained it all back plus some so once again I lost all of my weight I gained and felt great. I was working out 3-4 time a week and eating healthy but I did not deprive myself just ate in moderation. I kept the weight off for a few months and recently gained back everything plus an additional 10 lbs.

I've always turned to food to deal with any emotions. Now I'm having a problem with binge eating followed by embarassment and not working out. Whenever someone either in my family or my boyfriend points out my weight and makes comments like " You shouldn't be eating that " or " When are you ever going to lose weight" I binge. I started recently hiding foods in my room so I wouldn't have to deal with them. I need this to stop.

I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I"m just scared. I'm not the healthiest eater. I hate salad and refuse to eat seafood. I have food sensitivities to dairy and eggs. I'm scared to work out because I feel so fat and I don't want people to judge me.

Please Help!!

Losing weight is not the biggest problem: your biggest problem is that you are letting those around you down-talk to you! I think the first thing that will make your life easier is if you tell those people off! You are working on your weight, true, and you do want to lose some weight, true. However, it is none of their business! They have NO right to comment to you about it. Next time they bring it up say "I have decided that my health and body is my business. I know what I need to do, I have spoken with my doctor, and don't need any more opinions on the matter. Thanks."

With those closer to you, like your boyfriend, you can take a less dramatic approach: "I know you're looking out for me, but all of these comments just make me feel more and more guilty about food and the last thing I want to do is make my life harder by adding an eating disorder or feeling like everyone is judging me. It would help me if you were less negative about my weight and about my food: I am working on eating better, and am working on becoming more active...now I need support and encouragement."

Seriously, it sounds a lot like you are feeling a lot of stress because of others watching you eating, which is affecting your relationship with food. Don't let it happen. I think that when you get these vultures to stop circling around you every time you sit down for a meal, there will be less of an extreme emotional and self-value attachment to food and THUS you will make better choices and not retain weight because of the stress of it all.


As for eating better (which should probably be done for health, not solely for weight), a good place to start is to buy or make snacks that are replacements for some of the most common stuff you snack on. (For example, I found that when I want french fries, I can grab a bag of green beans instead: I salt them up in the bag and eat them as if they were french fries.) However, simpler exchanges is whole wheat instead of white (bread/pasta/whatever), or requiring yourself to eat a piece of fruit or veg before eating something else. Exchanging caloric drinks with water (and maybe adding a crystal lite or powerade powder). You KNOW how to make some basic exchanges, you just have to start making them. Do NOT pressure yourself to overhaul your diet all at once, and do NOT deny yourself of something completely. Cravings can cause you to binge which is the opposite of what you want: think smaller portions of the "excess" stuff instead of no "excess" stuff.

This all boils down to your relationship with food, and thoughts about yourself. I think you probably need some help identifying why you eat and what you can do instead of eating. I also think you need to figure out the beliefs about yourself...you aren't worthy, you aren't capable, if you are fearful of success. There has to be some limiting beliefs that are running this cycle of insanity. All the answers are inside you, you just have to find the key to unlock them. It could be a variety of things. Therapy, yoga, personal growth seminar, journaling etc. You may need to try a few different things.

Clearly you can lose weight and you know how to do that. You just need the confidence to believe you can keep it off and you deserve to look and feel amazing.

Quit beating yourself up girl! I know that can be easier said than done believe me I used to do it!

That is until one day at 184lbs I looked into the mirror and thought to myself " holy crap! Who IS this person!?" I than began a voyage of self discovery.....I knew I had to figure out WHY I had let myself go....part of it was a stressful job., and I had turned to food to give me comfort because I was so miserable! So my first step was to get out of that situation! Once that happened I started weight watchers and excersiseing by yoga everyday, and swimming, step classes, zumba, Pilates etc. I'm now 45 pounds lighter can fit back into a size 8 from a 16 and I feel so much better!


I recommend writing down your feelings about why you want to loose weight...than formulate a plan to help you get there. Oh and as far as the family members go tell them to lay off! I had that same issue when I was struggling...and I finally had to tell them the comments were doing more harm then good.

Pm me if you want to talk....if I can do it so can you!

Who are all these people commenting on your appearance? That's just messed up.

If you want to lose weight that's fine. But these people and their comments are poisonous. I would have some extremely rude words with them, but then that's just me.

First, get those idiots out of your life, if you can. My phrase to people would be, "Yeah, I can always lose weight, but you will always be a jerk."

I struggle with weight, too, due to chemotherapy at age 37, that put me through my changes, and made me gain more weight. I put in 60 lbs in 6 months from chemo. That was 20 years ago and for me it's still a struggle. Anyone who bugs me about it, is no longer in my life.

I have taken control of my health, though, and even though I am bigger than I would like, I am very healthy. I work out, eat well, and maybe not eat light, but I am happy and doing better, now. It's just one day at a time.

Don't do anything for anyone but you. I understand eating emotionally. That's my drug, too, but I have made some changes.

You might be better off finding a group for people who struggle with weight. There truly is strength in numbers and you will have the support you deserve.

Can you find a nutritionist who will work with your food likes and dislikes? There are more options than seafood and salad, believe me.

A good book, to start with is Protein Power. I am finding it a great help. It's still eating food, and there are many choices and it's not a diet, it's just a way to eat for life, and I like it. Either way, make sure you get a check up.

I love how so many of you are telling the original poster to just get the negative people out of her life. They are her family and her boyfriend. You don't have the luxury of just kicking them to the curb. It is bad unpractical advice.

I'm 30 pounds overweight. I have a million excuses why but it comes down to be not being disciplined. My mother is the worst critic and often says things about my weight to my husband who often tells me what she said. My husband tries not to say anything but last week he looked at a family picture on our refrigerator and asked how much I weighed in that picture which of course when I was 25 pounds thinner. I just broke down sobbing.

Other people want to help you especially when they know you aren't happy with yourself. They don't know how and they often misstep. I think you need to find a nutritionist that can work with food you like and maybe give you ways to make other foods you make not like right now tolerable and can give you recipes to incorporate vegetables in your foods through purees and other techniques. I also think some kind of therapy to help the feelings of insecurity and unhealthy relationship with food might be a good idea.

You have an unhealthy relationship with food. That's pretty much the bottom line. You said yourself that you use food to cope with negative emotions. While this isn't the best way to handle that, and likely the root of all your weight gain, it's very normal for women in their 20's. The good news is you can change it. If you feel the need to eat to cheer yourself up, try something different instead. Drink water. Do 10 push ups. Journal. Call a friend. Pick up a magazine and flip through it. The key is to distract yourself long enough to let the urge pass.

As for the negative people in your life, that's a little trickier. I've found the best way to handle it when they start yapping is to smile and say "Thank you for your concern" and go about your business. Kill them kindness. It'll be hard at first, but I promise after enough times of hearing the same thing from you, they'll back off. Ignoring them is pretty much impossible, so I found this to be the best approach.

It also sounds like you're a bit of a picky eater (not an insult, just an observation. Trust me, I can be, too) and "healthy" doesn't really appeal to you. That's okay. Make a list of foods you like. Most of us know what's good to put in our body and what isn't. Processed foods should really be avoided. The less processed, the better. There are a ton of different approaches to eating healthy out there. If you're a big meat eater, try the paleo or primal approach. There's nothing saying you have to force yourself to eat something you don't like. But it can't hurt to expand your horizons a bit. For example, I hate raw carrots. I won't eat a raw carrot if you held a gun to my head. But I found a recipe for a juice that included carrots. I was skeptical, but it looked good enough to give it a try. Guess what? I never would've known there were carrots in there if I hadn't made it myself. Take stock of what you like to eat and see how you can work that into a diet that's more conducive to health and weight loss.

I also highly recommend SparkPeople.com. They have food & fitness trackers, message boards, recipes, you name it. It helped me lose 20 lbs. The first few days will be a bit traumatic when you see exactly how many calories you consume, but then you have a much better idea of how to improve.

I hope some of this babbling helped. Good luck in your weight loss journey.

anonymous wrote:

I love how so many of you are telling the original poster to just get the negative people out of her life. They are her family and her boyfriend. You don't have the luxury of just kicking them to the curb. It is bad unpractical advice.

But she CAN cut the negativity out of her life by taking a stand. She's an adult, and CAN cut these people out of her life if they are so negative that they are more destructive than constructive in her life. It's not necessarily about cutting off contact immediately, but telling them that their behavior is not acceptable is a good start.

Me ^

Missed the box!

Thank you everyone for the advice. I know that I need to just focus on me and not everyone's opinions. My mom is pretty harsh about my weight but she has an extremely unhealthy relationship she'll go on crash diets and lose a ton of weight and gain it all back then jump on the cycle again. At least when I lost the weight it was over a period of time and I did it healthy.

I just need some motivation at this point.

anonymous wrote:


I just need some motivation at this point.

Go read sjerose's diary

www.dance.net . . .

But she CAN cut the negativity out of her life by taking a stand. She's an adult, and CAN cut these people out of her life if they are so negative that they are more destructive than constructive in her life. It's not necessarily about cutting off contact immediately, but telling them that their behavior is not acceptable is a good start

She cannot stop them from saying anything or commenting. She has absolutely no control over their actions or what comes out of their mouth. Yes she can have the conversation, but if your mother has done this for decades and she doesn't want to change that behavior or thinks her daughter is being overly sensitive she isn't going to let up! Take it from me who has had my mother ask me if my husband minds that his ex wife is so much thinner than me. She has also asked me how his ex wife keeps in shape. I've had more than one conversation with her and it doesn't stop. I've had to change MY reaction to it, be in acceptance, and understand I have no power over her. She can only make me feel bad if I let her.

There is no easy, fast way to lose weight. It's all about making changes slowly that last a lifetime and believing everyday when you wake up that you can do it!!! We know you can, now we just have to get you on board.

Sorry everyone I meant to update over the weekend but I ended up getting really sick so diet and exercising were the last things on my mind.

I do want to lose weight and have a kick a** body and be really happy and wear any kind of clothes that I want especially in the summer. I have been considering weight watchers because I think it would give me support and guide me a little better but I'm trying to track down a meeting near me. There are two really close to my house but I know a few people that attend and I can't stomach seeing them so there is one near my work but the meetings conflict with school. I thought about just doing it online but I know 100% I need the meetings.

I think I'm one of those people who have a very sensitive metabolism if I'm not eating really decent and exercising a ton I will gain weight faster than anyone. I do have hypothyroidism but it is controlled by meds.

My mom has laid off the comments recently but still makes stabs like " Oh well I'm not going to eat hardly anything today because I'm going to look good in a bathing suit this year and too bad for you". My skinny boyfriend announced today that is on an offical " diet " and he's made the decision that we are both going to lose weight and he's decided that I'm too chubby for him so I better lose the lbs. I was teasing him recently about not being very romantic and he told me once I go back to my " thin" self he would be romantic again. So all I've wanted to do is binge. I hate everyone!

Oh I'm so sorry. That is just not helpful at all. Not the positive reinforcement you need. I'm not where I want to be with my weight right now...just yo-yoing like I have never done before. I'm hopefully seeing a hypnotherapist at the end of the month and see if some positive subliminal reinforcement will be the catalyst to solving this issue once and for all.

I do know how those comments just throw you into binging and drowning the emotions in food. If you'd like you can send me a PM and I might be able to offer meal plan or advice since I am a personal trainer and am now partner in a gym with a part time dietician on staff.

I would recommend using a website like MyFitnessPal or Livestrong to keep track of your eating and exercise. The best way to lose weight is the old fashioned way! good luck

Look, it's your relationship and I can only speak for myself, but that kind of attitude from the BF would be a deal-breaker for me.

To the people saying that the OP can't get rid of the negative people in her life, she most certainly can. Yes, even a mother if the situation warrants it.

You would be surprised what a difference it makes in all facets of life to have loving and supportive people around you. I personally think it's also preferable to be completely alone than to be faced with insidious cruelty on a daily basis. Life is too damn short.

^ I agree. I know this isn't what you originally posted about, but that seems like a really, really mean thing for your boyfriend to say to you Not to mention your mom. Maybe if you didn't have people like that in your life, you wouldn't have to turn to food to deal with your emotions. I have a pretty healthy body image and relationship with food, but I know if I were around people saying really triggering stuff like that on a regular basis I would probably start developing problems with restricting and binging too . . .

I promise I will come back tomorrow and write a longer response to everyone because I really appreciate your advice and thoughts and I want to address everyone!

Yes my mom has always had an unhealthy relationship with food. She's been on every diet in the book and see results and then gets bored and gains it all back. We all seem to have to follow whatever diet she's on like atkins, super restrictive, and low fat. Last week after complaining about everyone's eating pattern she decides to go out and get stuff for icecream sundaes, chips, and dip. It seems like everything is one extreme or the next with her. But I hate cooking/eating in front of her because I really don't want the comments.

Even though my boyfriend's approach is off I do see where he is coming from. Even last summer when I lost a ton of weight and kept it off I couldn't see it so I refused to take pictures with him and was nutty about going places like the bar because I felt so large even though I wasn't. I wish he would be supportive and motivational without cutting me down. I baked him a cake yesterday for v-day and he was upset because he is on a diet. I was so hurt because not only did I spend all that time it made me feel so much worse about making it even though I didn't eat it. He also told me that he tried not to buy me chocolate and found candy with fewer calories and sugar.

I do have a bit of body dysmorphic disorder. I see myself as like a 300 lb person and at 5'2 and you can imagine what I'm seeing. I did some well last year and got a ton of compliments but I didn't see it at all maybe that is why I'm having a hard time keeping it off. The only that was cool was getting to wear certain clothes again and a bikini.