Forum: Arts / Fiction

Fiction
Critiques Welcome :)
By CrazyDramaGirl88member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 370, member since Wed Jan 03, 2007
On Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:08 AM

Just a short little thing that I would like an opinion on! Does it make sense/grammar/wording/etc. The prompt it was based on was: A twinkling eye can mean many things. The one that is twinkling at me now....


A twinkling eye can mean many things. The one that is twinkling at me now shines like a daring beacon of light. Beckoning me further, it beams with a warmth and allure that I have never seen with such sincerity before. Its glow illuminates the possibilities that arise through these uncharted waters. At moments, I find myself hurtling towards it, with no regard for the consequences. In others, the bright gleam that I have grown to trust disappears, pitching me into the darkness, and leaving me floundering in its wake and terrified of how dependent I may have grown. But then, with a renewed luminosity, it reappears, radiating a fervor that, despite waves crashing around, ignites a fire within me. It feels as if I could just fully reach the warmth behind those irises, life would be real and whole and full again. But it's been encircled by a barrier. A barrier that, though not impenetrable, seems impossibly difficult to breach. With every stroke that I feel I've reached closer, I am knocked back with a whiplash like the wind. I only hope to unknowingly tap into a current, that might allow me to surge ahead, through this vast distance between myself and this entrancing wink.
Suddenly, my toes brush sand. I heave my aching body out of the surf and collapse, underneath the twinkling eye of the lighthouse beam.

1 Replies to Critiques Welcome :)

re: Critiques Welcome :)
By Martha_Cecillemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1128, member since Sun Oct 12, 2008
On Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:26 AM
that is a totally cool text. you really have your thing with words, don't you? ;)

I really like when people take a step of the road and thing about describing situations, emotions etc. and the end was smashing.

The only thing, a little and personal one. I don't like the penetration or anything word that comes from it.
So this is not a negative comment on the little scene you created, it's just a personal, being a weirdo, thing ^^

I really like your writing style :)

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