Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

I think I really hurt her
By lvm_dancer Comments: 206, member since Mon Nov 12, 2007
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 08:54 AM

There was this girl that I sort of liked/still do like. She was sort of the reason that I thought/think I could be gay. She gives hugs and stuff to everyone, which is fine because we are not actually together or anything, but for some reason when we are in public it makes me really angry. I don’t know why. I wish it didn’t. Anyway, last night we were at the movies with friends and I was just getting really annoyed with her hugging me. Thankfully she did nothing during the movie because I am not out and don’t really plan to be soon because I’m not really sure what I am. I just feel super awkward around her now. When we were standing around after the movie she was hanging on me and I pushed her off. I think it really upset her because she then walked outside. I basically ignored her the whole night even before that… I just feel really bad about it because she’s a really great person, though really awkward and I didn’t mean to hurt her. I don’t know what to do. Maybe the reason everything she irks me so much is because I wish I wasn’t gay (if I am) and she reminds me of it and makes me confused. I feel like there was something between us and I ruined it because I’m still not really sure what I am. I guess I need to get over what society thinks. I just really feel like everything gay has been thrown in my face lately. My friends are constantly bringing it up and I’ve just gotten really self-concious like they know or something so I keep trying to avoid anything that could possibly make me seem gay (which probably makes it more obvious if they already think I am.)

What should I do about my friend? Do you need more detail?

I don't know what to do. I think I like her, but I'm not out and I wasn't really planning on being at least not anytime soon. What should I say to her now about my behavior? I don't know how to apologize... Help?

2 Replies to I think I really hurt her

re: I think I really hurt her
By lvm_dancer Comments: 206, member since Mon Nov 12, 2007
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 09:02 AM
Being out to her would be OK though because she is a lesbian, so would understand.
re: I think I really hurt her
By baladibabe Comments: 42, member since Sat Feb 04, 2012
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 09:12 AM
Honesty and love go a long way to fixing what's wrong in this world. And the apology to her can be a simple one - you know you hurt her feelings and you're sorry for that, because you care about her a great deal.

As to all the other complicated stuff - are you gay? are you not? are you ready to be out if you are? - it is very difficult to work through, and you must be kind to yourself while you are doing it. Don't berate yourself. Don't tell yourself you "should" or "should not" do this, that or the other thing. Take the time you need to work through your feelings. Read all you can online about other people's experiences, info from gay advocacy organizations, anything that will help you put your own feelings into perspective.

And perhaps if you give her the chance, you'll find that your friend is the perfect person to unburden yourself to, to discuss everything your feeling and struggling with. She may be a great source of support, comfort and insight.

But above all, for your own sake if not hers, be honest and loving with her and give her that apology - it will make you BOTH feel better!

Hang in there!