Forum: Competitions

Student Missing 1 Comp
By mm_dancer
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 01:49 PM

So a parent causally says to me yesterday that she hadn't told the SO yet, but one of her girls is going to miss one competition. I was completely floored, she was so casual and seemed like it was completely ok for this to happen. I was careful with what I responded with, because I have no power to make an decisions about the matter what-so-ever. The dancer that will be missing is in 2 groups and our full team jazzline. The 2 groups she is in are my numbers, one has 7 kids one has 8 kids. The jazz with 7 kids is not crucial that she is there, but it will mess up all the formations and followups. The age group she dances with is 7-11, so they cant process having two sets of spots, (as in if I leave their normal spots and then move the spots for when the one kid will be missing). The musical theatre group she is in was specifically designed around 8 people, there are 4 "boys" and 4 girls and the entire dance is based on partnering with the boys and girls, and every formation is balanced symmetrically with the boys and girls. She is a "boy" in this number, so she lifts her partner is a russian jump (and the partner is no where near capable of doing it on her own). I am so frustrated!!!!

Now to complete the story, the reason she is missing is for a swim meet, her parents never even considered the issue because they didnt think she would qualify for the meet, so thought it was fine that they overlapped weekends. So now that she did, they are saying she has to go because there are only 4 swimmers in her relay team that qualified, how is this any different then there only being 8 girls in their theatre number that can perform the routine.

The SO is soooo easy going, I have a feeling she is going to be fine with her missing, it is so frustrating for me, spending 6 months already on these routines, and now being 5 weeks away from competition suddenly the student might be missing. It is completely and utterly unfair to the other students in the groups who have worked on this routine!

Just needed to vent about this, because as I said before, I don't have any power to make an decisions in the matter, whatever the SO decides is what it is. I have informed her that the theatre dance is crucial to have all dancers, and that with only 7 in the jazz it will definitely effect the routine as well. The full team number is not mine, and she will likely not be noticeably missing in that one as there are 53 dancers, but still its the principle of the whole situation, you commit to the dance team, you need to full-fill your commitment. She does not intend to compete in dance next year, only swimming, but it is the current team that she is affecting!

10 Replies to Student Missing 1 Comp

re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By val21gal
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 02:02 PM
I hope your SO has the courage to tell her she attends or she is off the team. I am a REALLY easy going SO and this would never fly with me, she made a commitment to the group!
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By missliz404
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 02:07 PM
Nope, unacceptable. She would be off the team for the rest of the year at our studio and probably wouldn't be invited to audition for next season. I'm sad for you that this is something your SO probably won't back you up on. I would be livid.

It's sad when people choose to not return next year so they start slacking off during the current year, like they have nothing to lose. Well, maybe they don't but for goodness sake...learn to finish a commitment!
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By mm_dancer
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 02:33 PM
Edited by mm_dancer (222454) on 2012-03-04 14:35:11
Edited by mm_dancer (222454) on 2012-03-04 14:36:20 edit to keep the thread on topic
This is exactly what I am picturing happening, and my thoughts come from another situation this year of a senior student. We have this student who has graduated grade 12 and is now attending the local university, but still wanted to be in the full team jazz group, and the SO said yes even though it means she might miss 1 or 2 comps due to exams.

So this is where how can she say no to my student but yes to this other student. So I can see her saying ok to this student!
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By DanceTumbleCheer
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 04:10 PM
That's not okay. At my studio, I had out all of their required competitions at the beginning of the year. If someone were to tell me they were missing one for a swim meet, they'd be off the team. Unacceptable.
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By mm_dancer
On Sun Mar 04, 2012 04:53 PM
DanceTumbleCheer wrote:

That's not okay. At my studio, I had out all of their required competitions at the beginning of the year. If someone were to tell me they were missing one for a swim meet, they'd be off the team. Unacceptable.


We had all the required comps out near the beginning of the year as well, and they knew about the conflict but didnt even consider it because they didnt think the kid would qualify, as if they knew all this time and continued to be a part of comp dances
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By RileyA
On Mon Mar 05, 2012 03:53 AM
It is possible that this mother needs a little education. I am sure she is not stupid, but just hasn't really thought the situation through. I would suggest you call her in and help her to see it a little clearer.

It is different to missing a swimming meet, in a swimming meet everyone does basically the same thing. One swimmer can easily be replaced because there are thousands of kids who know how to swim correctly for the race and can fill in her spot. Explain that in dance only these kids know the routine and the part, help her to feel a bit important and special. I think most parents once they realize this will understand why the dance comp should not be missed for a swim meet.
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By DaDancingPsych
On Mon Mar 05, 2012 06:51 AM
Despite your SO's demeanor, I would express what you have expressed to us ASAP (hopefully before mom gets to her.) Explain the consequences and show how unfair it will be for the other students. Even express worry of the grudge that the team may hold over this decision.

Also, if you think that you have the better spine, I would offer to speak with the parent. Obviously, the SO may turn your offer down and you would need to abide by her wishes for the conversation, but maybe you would be able to stand stronger. As mentioned before, maybe mom needs educated that her daughter's absence creates the same issues as missing the relay team. So, if the SO won't let you press forward with some sort of punishment, maybe you can attempt to persuade her.

Other wise, I guess you vent and teach your students that sometimes life sucks and we have to deal with what we are handed. You might be surprised of how the others grow from this situation... maybe your silver lining.

Good luck!
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By mm_dancer
On Mon Mar 05, 2012 09:13 AM
I was sure to tell the SO owner right away what my dances are like and how vital each student is to them, I made that very clear to the mother as well (the parents are split and she doesnt usually come on that night). I sent the studio owner a message after the father talked to her, asking what the outcome was and got "no answer yet" It sounds like she is going to see about getting the numbers moved a little earlier so the kid can travel to the swim meet, travel home to compete then travel back to the swim meet. But like I said, I get no say or involvement in the decision at all. I just don't get how parents can think its ok at all to let down the rest of the team. Her mom's initial comment was "_______ is going to miss the local comp", no inclination of making it work at all. So now I think it is a wait to see if the comp will move her dances or not (still not fair to the rest of the team/dancers at the comp imo, imagine if the comp made the schedule to accommodate everyone in attendance's other activities!)
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By Dream_chaserPremium member
On Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:08 PM
I have been in this EXACT situation, before. I had to be the bad guy and say that if they do not attend, they are off team, no refunds on anything. It's amazing how "suddenly" they could make it, in most instances, and if they did not, I had to follow through. It was in our rules that any other activities, other than those we said were okay (required for school, church, etc.) and had to be given to us, way in advance, that they had to attend or be removed.

I had to stop being afraid of losing students over it because I would have lost, other, good students for not following through on my own rules.

I hope that your SO backs you and lets you be tough.
re: Student Missing 1 Comp
By mm_dancer
On Tue Mar 06, 2012 09:59 PM
Well here is the outcome, the SO got the numbers moved earlier on the saturday so the student can be there for my groups. She will still be missing the full team jazz ext line on the sunday tho.

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