Forum: Competitions

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Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By Panda_Bear
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 09:36 PM

Hello, I have another difficult situation to deal with and unfortunately my SO is out of town right now and is unable to deal with this before Fridays competition. I received the following email from a first year competition parent with students aged 5 and 8, in 2 different groups.

"
Dear Miss Panda Bear,
I have read your competition information sheet over again and have several concerns and would like to inform you that A and B will not be following the following items. My first concern is the make up, children this young should not be wearing foundation, mascara, eye liner or lip stick as such the girls will not be wearing those items. I also disagree with the hair styles chosen and both girls will have their hair in ballet buns. A's hair is to long and thick for the half up half down lyrical style and I do not have the time to curl B's hair for the performance. As well A has lost one of her foot undies and I will not be replacing them to teacher her a lesson, she will be wearing her ballet slippers on stage. I hope that none of this causes any problems
Mrs. X "

I have no clue how to respond, I purposely chose simple age appropriate hair styles and make up for these groups. The hair styles are half up half down for the lyrical group and in a high curly pony for the younger group. Make up is skin tone foundation, beige and brown eye-shadow, black mascara, black eye liner, pink blush and red lipstick.

I feel really upset by this email I went to a lot of work to find the items they need and choose hair and make up that I find age appropriate. How do I respond, my instinct is to say do what I specified on me sheet or don't dance but I'm worried about the fall out from this.

31 Replies to Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines

re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By dancerasa
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 09:56 PM
Well first off shoes are unacceptable. You can't have one girl in ballet shoes and the rest in foot undeez. Big no. As for makeup, this is stage. You aren't sending the five year old to the mall looking like that, it's competition. If she doesn't want to participate, then she can't dance. It's not fair to set rules and then have one parent decide that it doesn't apply to her.

I'd definitely send a letter and try to rationalize with her, but your instinct is right. Irks me to high heaven that she thinks it's ok to do these things. Maybe some one will have a better way of wording it...but go with gut!!!
Good luck
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:18 PM
I agree that if they don't follow the rules, they don't dance.

Explain to her that stage make up is absolutely necessary. If they don't wear make up on stage, they will appear not to have a face. The dance may be marked down, due to the judges not being able to see facial expression. If she's a first year competition parent, she just may not know this and may need it explained to her.

Regarding the hairstyles, explain that you have taken careful consideration into the hairstyles for each of these dances. You would not have set the hairstyle that you did for A if, as a professional, you thought it would look bad on stage. Explain the need for unity in competition dances, and why it will reflect poorly on the teams if her daughters don't wear the chosen hairstyles. The same with the shoes.

Make sure you use "as a professional" in there. Gently remind her that you're the one who has the years of experience and she is the first time competition parent (without saying "might I remind you...) ;)
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By SingDanceLaugh
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:23 PM
This irks me too. I don't understand why parents can't ask questions instead of just doing what they please. I think what you have chosen stuff that is perfectly age appropriate. The answer is they don't dance and they still pay for the competition and all associated fees.

We have this issue in my choir. We explained it as such; we have everyday to be ourselves and stand out or blend in as we feel. The time we spend together on stage is about the performance, not standing out. By being different we take attention away from the performance and make it about ourselves and not the team.

If she is worried about the time it takes to curl hair, I would suggest rollers. You have no idea how many times my sister and I have gone to school in rollers. Our hair does not curl at all, and we would literally take out the rollers minutes before we performed. My sister still does this frequently.

SingDanceLaugh
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines (karma: 1)
By missliz404
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:32 PM
"I hope none of this causes any problems." Yeah, thanks a lot, lady. Parents don't tell you what to do; you tell them, and they follow. The end. It's one thing to express a concern, but it's quite another to say "I don't like this, so I will be doing something different, and you will just have to deal with it." Not ok. Try doing that to your boss.

I would respond the following way:

Dear Mrs. X,
I understand your concerns and I appreciate you bringing them to me. However, I cannot allow some students to be different than others; this is unfair to the rest of the group and can contribute to point deductions.

Stage makeup is absolutely necessary at a performance, or the girls will look washed out and pale on stage. It is not intended to look elaborate and inappropriate; it's simply so their faces will show up on stage and the judges can see their expressions. You may remove their makeup as soon as they are done with their routines. Hair is to also be styled in the way I directed, as different hairstyles will be a distraction on stage. I would recommend that you have another team mom to help you with the hair if you are worried about getting it right. Have B sleep in curlers the night before so you will have less work to do that day. I am not asking for it to be perfect, just do your very best. In addition, I am afraid A will have to have her foot undies on stage to match the rest of the group. Please teach her a lesson in a way that will not affect her team.

If these rules and guidelines cannot be followed, then I'm afraid I will not be allowing your daughters to participate in this competition. I have spent a lot of time on this information sheet, and I do not feel that these guidelines are unreasonable. Please let me know if you need any further advice or information. I would be glad to help."
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By EllyneB
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:56 PM
Edited by EllyneB (243346) on 2012-04-10 22:56:47
First of all, I am ten kinds of annoyed for you. She is only pulling this because the SO is out of town. I would not debate whether or not the expectations are realistic. Clearly she feels they are not, and you feel that they are. Instead, focus on facts. Also, if she is a first year, she has no idea what she's talking about. Once she sees seven year olds up there in fishnets, bra tops and false eyelashes, she probably won't blink an eye at your curly pony and mascara. Anyway...I would say something like this:

Unfortunately, the requirements listed on the information sheet are not optional. All students must wear the assigned makeup, shoes, hair and costumes in order to participate in the competition.

A significant portion of the group's score will be from costume, appearance, precision and overall impression. A unified presentation from head to toe will help to highlight the dancers' beautiful expression and technique and help them to deliver a polished performance. Any variations in these areas are a distraction to the judges and will draw attention away from the group and their performance and draw negative attention to the students who differ in costuming, hair and makeup.

The students have worked so hard this year; it would be a shame for them to lose points over something completely within our control. That is why there are no exceptions to these requirements.

I appreciate you understanding and cooperation. You daughters are dancing so beautifully this year; you will be so proud of their performance this weekend. If you have any other questions, please let me know, and I will be happy to pass them on to the studio owner.

Sincerely,
Miss So-and-so
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines (karma: 1)
By californiadancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:08 PM
I wouldnt even try to explain it to her at all.

Dear Mom,
All of the items you have listed are absolutely mandatory and required for participation. If your children do not have the proper makeup, hairstyles, and shoes they will not be allowed to perform onstage at the competition.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter,
Competition Teacher


*Question - Does your studio have a contract outlining the requirements for the team?...I'm just so confused how she could be a part of the team and not know these requirements up front?
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By RileyA
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 04:49 AM
Wow, my jaw hit the floor when I read this. Never in all my years of teaching have I had a competition family fail to follow the directions to that degree.

That is just crazy. She does need to be told that if she plans to do things as she said then her daughters will not be permitted to dance. It is better to have a dance with 2 great big holes in it where her kids are missing than to allow a parent to disrespect you, the company, the studio, and the whole group like this.

In reality what I probably would do would be to take the kids and do their hair and make up myself or get another one of my parents to do it.

Comment #9912602 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2012-04-11 07:50:54 Ooops, double post

re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By dance68missS
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 06:20 AM
Holy Hannah! This takes the cake. I agree with all the posts but wanted to add...

Absolutely don't apologize or allow her to infer that YOU wont allow the kids to perform. The responsibility is on HER as a crazy mom. So if they don't dance, it's because SHE chose that path, not you.

Let us know what happens. Good luck!
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By Panda_Bear
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 09:24 AM
Another teacher has emailed the parent as she was having the same problem with her. Both of our names were on the email and I was cc'd.
" Dear Mrs. X,
we have received your emails detailing your concerns about the children's hair and make up requirements. We appreciate your feed back how ever at this point in time as the newsletters have been sent home these requirements are now set in stone. Parents were asked in February about hair styles and at that time you did not speak to my self or the other teachers regarding your concerns about the girl's hair. If you are struggling with how to do the hair styles required please see youtube which provides many excellent how to vidoes. The hair styles and make up were demonstrated for you at Febuary's competition meeting as well as instructions being provided at that time of how hair and make up should be done.

In regards to the competition this weekend the girls will NOT be premitted to go on stage if they do not have their hair and make up done properly. If your children do not have the proper hair and make up you will lose your competition fees. The children must all match as unity is a huge part of the score and this includes, hair, make up, costumes and shoes as well as the dancing.

If you have any further questions do not hesitate to ask.
Sincerly,
Miss z and Miss Panda Bear"

My isntict on the weekend will be to depending on time do the hair and make up my self or send them home. I do worry about the legal ramifications of doing a child's make up when the mom said no make up. My mother has suggested that I send her out with out make up to prove a point to the mom.

Comment #9912777 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2012-04-12 07:34:09 Ooops, double post

re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By DaDancingPsych
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:38 AM
Panda_Bear wrote:

My isntict on the weekend will be to depending on time do the hair and make up my self or send them home. I do worry about the legal ramifications of doing a child's make up when the mom said no make up. My mother has suggested that I send her out with out make up to prove a point to the mom.


I don't know about legal issues (and doubtful anyone would waste time/money on such a thing), but you should follow the usual procedures. If it's parents' responsibilities to ensure the appropriate hair and make-up, then make mom do it. Otherwise, you will have to do this EVERY competition. The expectations have been made clear and if she refuses, then send the children to sit with mom in the audience.

I would also take note of the outcome. If mom makes anymore fuss, I don't know that her children would be welcome on the competition team in the future. After mom has been educated on the need for stage make-up and a uniform look, then she has no excuse and is simply being a pain. There's no room on a competitive team for that.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By missingcharmin
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:53 PM
My jaw hit the floor when reading this! Who has the nerve to say that, especially since it is not new information to her.

I can't wait to hear how it all ends up, please keep us informed!
But, I can imagine that she will end up going along with it and deal with it. She will get over it, and then she will be shocked to learn that her kids don't make the team the next year - haha!

Does anyone put a "parental obedience" clause in their contract? I'm going to ask that in a separate post.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 01:47 PM
If they show up with out the requirement and refuse to do so then they should not preform. You should send an email yourself (or say it in person) and make it clear if they don't have hair and make up down then they are not preforming.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By Dream_chaserPremium member
On Wed Apr 11, 2012 09:48 PM
Plain and simple response... "If you do not follow rules and guidelines, she will be removed from the competition, with no refunds. If it happens again, from the team."

Did she not know any of this, up front?
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By dancedeb
On Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:45 AM
Good Grief! Do these parents sit up all night every night thinking up ways to make the dance teacher's life more difficult? I would not waste my precious time explaining anything to her, just plainly and simply let her know that No follow rules, no perform. End of story. .
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By hummingbird
On Thu Apr 12, 2012 07:40 AM
It sounds like your group could be performing with one dancer missing.

Don't try and do the childs makeup and hair, just as you said this isn't advisable when a parent has expressly said they don't wish this to be done. It's sad for the child but at the same time and as is pointed out in your email to this mum, she's had plenty of time to have her hissy fit and now it's just too late.

As for the lost foot undie, if she complains about her daughter not being able to dance because of it's loss you and your fellow teacher are backing up the mums punishment by not letting her dance. Letting her dance just teaches Precious that there are no consequences for being careless.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By gottadance71
On Sat Apr 14, 2012 08:27 PM
I agree about not doing the childs hair and make up yourself. She needs to learn to be a responsible "Dance Mom". I certainly wouldn't send her daughter out on stage with no make up to try to prove a point. It will probably just backfire and she will be happy that she got her way and feel that it was no big deal that she didn't have it on. Then you're opening a door for more rule breaking in the future.
Good Luck!
Please keep us posted. I can't believe some of the things that I have been dealing with lately but this takes the cake!
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By leeleedk
On Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:48 PM
I would tell the mother the cold hard truth. Tell he rif she doesnt follow the rules, the dancer cannot compete.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By gottadance71
On Sun Apr 15, 2012 05:10 PM
Panda Bear...dying to hear what happened lol. Let us know!
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By tappergal
On Mon Apr 16, 2012 01:21 PM
Edited by tappergal (70087) on 2012-04-16 13:22:35
Good golly! I can't believe you got something like this from a parent. Who, in signing up her daughters, knew exactly the requirements (hair, shoes, make-up etc), that would be involved. I'm with everyone else, if they can't follow the rules, they don't dance. Especially in a competition setting where expectations are always higher then recreation dance classes and performances.

The reply you sent sounded very professional, and you handled it well. Let us know what happened.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By Panda_Bear
On Mon Apr 16, 2012 02:15 PM
The girls did show up for compition with make up and shoes but the wrong hair. My SO was a competition and did the girls hair her self and made the mother pay for the time as though my SO was a hair dresser. The mother will be doing the girls hair in the future. Over all comps. this weekend went well and the kids danced beautifuly.
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By gottadance71
On Mon Apr 16, 2012 06:30 PM
Thanks for letting us know. These things have a way of working themselves out. It's just too bad you had to go through all of that stress first!
re: Parent not following competition make up and hair guide lines
By Dream_chaserPremium member
On Mon Apr 16, 2012 09:40 PM
I guess mom learned a lesson!
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