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Perseverance - No pain, no gain (karma: 1)
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Apr 20, 2012 10:55 AM

I have no idea how often I'll actually post on this, but here goes. I've been toying with the thought of starting my own diary here for quite some time, my main block being that I've never been good at consistently keeping with something for very long (journal, diet, exercise, etc.). But I'm finally biting the bullet, taking the plunge, and going for it. I'll probably forget about it from time to time, but here goes.

I chose the title for my diary because 1) I couldn't decide between 'No Pain, No Gain' and 'Perseverance', so I decided to just combine the two and 2) I came across this the other day and it really ended up being something I needed to get me through that particular day and something I'm going to need many times in the future. Perseverance is going to be my motto. It has been subconsciously for some time, I even have a little standing plaque at my desk at work that says 'DON'T QUIT There is no telling how FAR you will have to run while CHASING your DREAMS' Yeah I like quotes.

This diary will mainly be about Irish dance and my journey with it. I absolutely LOVE Irish dance. I admire and appreciate other dance forms, especially ballet, but Irish is my home planet. Just like the piano is my favorite instrument. I enjoyed playing violin in Junior High and High School plus a year of private lessons after that, but piano really is my first love. (And yes, I tend to ramble and get off subject.) Other things I'll probably go on about are weight loss, school, work, my struggles with mental well-being, and whatever else happens to be in my mind when I remember I have this diary. But mostly Irish. That's what is usually in my mind anyway.

Okay, to introduce myself to those that don't frequent the Irish boards: I'm 25 and in the Adult category for competitions. I'm trying SO very hard to get out of beginner as I've been technically beginner for all six (almost seven) years I've been dancing. Back story on that: I started dancing at a ballet/jazz/tap studio that offered Irish. Danced with them for three years, during which time I fell in love with Irish dancing (moreso than I already was) and also discovered there was such a thing as competing in the Irish dance world (of which the teacher there wanted no part of). I ended up quitting that studio mainly for monetary reasons, but also partly I was ready to move on. Nothing the teacher had us do was new, none of it was challenging, and I was done with the drama the teacher instigated. So a year and a half after leaving that studio, I finally joined a CLRG school. Was able to go for two straight months before having to go on hiatus again, stupid money. Then a few months later I was able to continue again, and I'm going on my third year now without having to stop for more than a month at a time. And yes, I pretty much had to start from square one to relearn how to do EVERYTHING. The teacher at the ballet/jazz/tap studio had great intentions, but really did not know Irish dance well enough to be teaching it and claiming the things she claims. And before you think that all I'll do is rag on them, I am extremely grateful for the time I was able to be there. She provided me a wonderful beginning for great things, and I really did enjoy the time I was there, drama aside. I'll always attribute to her for starting me on my path.

Talking about competing, I'll be doing my year anniversary feis next weekend. It'll be my fourth ever feis, so I keep telling myself it's okay to still be in beginner. Some people compete in beginner for several years before moving up. That and I've had absolutely no control over the feis entries. I feel very strongly that the only reason I'm not novice or even higher is due to lack of numbers. My first feis there were three of us, second I was the only one. Third there were three again but only for softshoe; I was by myself for hardshoe. The feis next weekend has varying numbers depending on the dance: reel 5, light jig 6, then the rest are either 3 or 4. So I can move up those first two at least, provided I get at least 3rd. AND I'm not alone for any of the dances. I'm quite thrilled.

Dance class last night was TERRIFFIC. There were only two of us plus the other lady's daughter because one person is out with a broken toe and the other is gone on vacation this whole weekend. Therefore the TC was able to do a bit more one-on-one than even before, which never is lacking because the class is so small to begin with. But she gave us fewer breaks, we did dances over and over and over, and I thought I was going to die. Loved it! I'm about 40 pounds overweight, out of shape (I've never actually been IN shape before), and I hold my breath while I dance so about halfway through the hour-long class my face turned an embarrassing shade of bright crimson and stayed that way till I got home. I am a redhead so my skin already has a tendency to flush during any kind of exertion, but last night was ridiculous. It also didn't help that during normal class and even when practicing at home I rarely actually give it as much energy as I could, so that goes against me in a big way. Last night I was trying so hard to give it more than my all, EVERY time I danced. I succeeded probably 85% of the time, so victory for me! Plus a bright red 'fat person' face. Ugh.

I've talked to my TC in the past about moving up and she told me at the time that I really need to get the numbers in my comps (at least 5). I understand that but I still felt like I was getting nowhere. But earlier this week I was thinking about it and decided to take a new approach: I'm going to be a champ dancer doing beginner steps. I'm going to get my turnout, cross, height, lift, stamina all looking like a champ's even if I can't move up because of having less than 5 to compete against. This is the thing I can control, and I really need to get myself together. I'm not helping myself by not bothering to practice just because I don't see the point if I can't move up. Interestingly enough, last night my TC gave me a new insight into why she's a bit reluctant to let me move up without the numbers. She's been on me about stamina, and mainly getting up off the ground and pointing my bottom foot when I hop up and bring my toe to my knee (I posted a while back asking for help on this). Last night she told me that I've got to get in shape, slim down (said exactly like that, in a nice way, she wasn't calling me fat at all), get that height because it's actually necessary to have height in the advanced moves. She's wary about teaching me more advanced steps because without the height I won't be able to do it properly and I'd roll an ankle, or worse. So it's actually for safety reasons. If I can't get it doing the simple and easy moves I'm going to have major problems later on. I am so happy she told me this, and I really don't think it's coincidence that I started a serious practice regimen on Wednesday, found the post about Perseverance, then my teacher tells me this. The cosmos are trying to help me out by nudging me with these tools. ;)

TC also suggested checking out this workout called Insanity. I looked it up when I got home and found out it's by beach body, some of their videos of which I've done with my mom when I used to live at home. As of last night it had 900-something reviews, with 4.8 out of 5 stars. The only negative thing anyone said of the several reviews I read was that the workout was really hard, but I don't find that negative because it ADVERTISES that it's hard. That's the whole point. So really, they're just affirming what it claims to be anyway. Has anyone here on DDN tried Insanity? I really want to get it right away but I don't have $120 plus shipping lurking about. Hmm, now to brainstorm on how to earn more money.

Yes I am very long winded when I have so many thoughts whirling around in my head, and combine that with nothing to do at work and the result is a novel. I think I'm going to save the rest of my thoughts for later posts. They won't stay in my head for long, but they usually eventually come back.

92 Replies to Perseverance - No pain, no gain

re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Sun Apr 22, 2012 05:23 PM
Well I practiced today, after two days of not practicing when I should have. Yesterday I could have, but I made excuses and didn't. Friday was...Friday.

I'm working on practicing for a full hour every day, and making it valuable practicing, too, not just running through my dances and going "okay, I did it, done!" although I DO need to fully run through my dances several times for stamina sake. I mainly go through a dance, take note of what I need to work on, then work on those things till they're satisfactorily fixed or I get bored of repeating the same thing (which usually happens first - I have a rather short attention span). Then I go through the whole dance again to make sure what I just worked on stays in my muscle memory. Not a bad practice method, but the problem is I usually only go for about twenty minutes. Then I'm starting to feel tired, so I stop and stretch, then go on doing something else. Unfortunately that something else is usually playing on my computer. So therefore I'm making myself do this for an hour span instead of twenty or whatever minutes, but not holding back to save energy either. Yay stamina! Today I managed 50 minutes. My excuse for stopping was I started to do some hop 2 3, leap 2 3 drills for turnout that my teacher showed us on thursday but the part of my big toe bone that's up in my foot started hurting, and not in a good way. I'm really paranoid of injuring myself. But I went longer than 20 minutes, so SUCCESS!

The next three days are going to be a challenge, since the tech school I go to changed their attendance policy. Instead of dropping in when you could, you have to sign up for a set schedule and stick to that schedule or else you get marked absent. And since I'm on a grant I have to go for 12 hours a week minimum, and they're closed on friday at 2:30 (can't leave work before 3:00). Ugh. So monday and tuesday I go to work, then school 4:30 to 9:00. Wednesday I get to leave school at 7:30, yay! :( And I'm sticking to my resolution of practicing dance EVERY day. Bring it on.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RingingPhonePremium member
On Sun Apr 22, 2012 07:23 PM
I am also a 25 year old Adult Irish dancer! :D I will comment more later, but about Insanity- my best friend has done it a few times, and yes it is hard. Insanity, gym workouts and healthy eating helped her to lose 40 lbs over the past year.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Mon Apr 23, 2012 08:24 AM
Edited by RinceorNosretep (217485) on 2012-04-23 08:27:50 speling iz importent
Yay! 25-year old Irish dancers unite! ;)
The gym is a no-go for me because I don't have the income to be able to pay a constant membership fee. Workout videos are my best bet. I found a bunch of Insanity sets on ebay for around $40.00 for 'buy it now', free shipping, 14-day money back, brand new unopened. I think I might go that route. Now I just need to come up with $40 instead of $120.

For all intents and purposes of this Diary, my husband's name is Lovey. I don't want to use his real name, but I feel silly saying 'my husband' every time I talk about him, which tends to be quite often. He means the world to me. Lovey is a pet name that I actually call him in real life quite often. I got the name from Gilligan's Island: Mr. Howell calls his wife Lovey a lot, and I always thought it was sweet.

Was going to get up at 5:30 this morning, practice dance, shower, then go to work. Ba-ha-ha-ha! My stupid insomnia is starting to creep back. I thought I was just not sleeping well since thursday night because of Lovey snoring super badly. He has a cold, poor guy. But last night I convinced him to take Mucinex wannanbe meds and like magic, no snoring! But could I sleep? No way. Argh! I slept maybe an hour by the time Lovey got up at the unholy hour of 2:30 to be at his work by 3:00. Then of course I couldn't fall back to sleep. Laid in bed for a while, finally got up and showered, came back to bed. Still couldn't sleep. Read a chapter and a half of my book I'm reading. Put it and the flashlight away, finally slept for the two hours I had left till the alarm clock went off. After showering I had reset it for later, foregoing my practice in favor of attempting to sleep. Hopefully I don't die by the time I get home at 9:30 tonight after school. Again, argh. I'm still determined, though. Even if it's not a full hour, I WILL practice EVERY DAY!

Well nothing to do at work again, if I get uber bored I'll probably write something else on here later.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Mon Apr 23, 2012 02:25 PM
I'm feeling rather depressed. Monday through wednesday after this week are no longer going to be difficult because I found out this morning my job ends this friday. It is a seasonal job, so it's not like it's completely out of the blue, but I've been waiting and waiting and WAITING for stupid corporate to reinstate the permanent assistant manager position that I've actually been doing this past season on regular seasonal wages so I can stay instead of leave for the summer, but they STILL haven't made a decision. They keep pushing it back. Waited all season for them to say yes, we love you, stay! When they finally admitted to a date they were going to decide by, the actual decision was supposed to be made by the end of January which is the usual end of the season. Then they said end of 'budget year', whatever that means. Then they said end of April. Now they're saying either first or last of May, can't remember which one my manager said. But I have to leave now because apparently I have to be gone a minimum of three months before they can bring me back as seasonal again. So whatever.
Things about this that frustrates me:
* Acted as assistant manager without the full pay of assistant manager
* Being kept hanging the whole season, not knowing whether to job hunt or wait
* Having the stress of not knowing what's going on or what the future holds (and it being out of my control, in the aspect of their lack of decision-making)
* Wanting to become permanent so I can get health insurance (seasonal benefit prices are extreme, to say the least) and have year-round job security so we can move into a non-toxic place
* Just make up your freakin' minds already!!!

I'm not happy.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Tue Apr 24, 2012 09:18 AM
Didn't practice last night, unless you count running through my reel once in our tiny living room. Got home at 9:30 from school, was absolutely STARVING and my butt hurt from sitting down all bloody day. Dear sweet Lovey had made our favorite soup called 'California Chowder' from a Lionhouse recipe book which impresses me, not because he's incapable (quite the opposite) but it's fairly labor intensive, between chopping up all the vegetables and keeping the broth constantly stirring for the first while so it doesn't scorch on the bottom. He had put some in a bowl and covered it in plastic wrap for me, and put it in the fridge with a note on it saying 'Dinner (Supper)'. Made me smile. Then, when I opened the fridge later to find the big container so I could put my lunch together, I saw he had already done it for me. Complete with a note on it as well saying 'Lunch (Yummy!)' and even replicated my cyclops smilie I like to use. THAT brought me to tears. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful husband! I'll admit I tend to get over-emotional when I'm lacking sleep, depressed, still bored from work and school, blood sugar low, and so on. But that most definitely merited me being extremely touched by it.

Last night the freeway had a traffic jam halfway home. I HATE traffic jams. Go 5 mph. Hit brakes, almost stop. Go 3 mph. 5 mph. 8 mph! Hit brakes, slow down. On and on and on. I refuse to be a brake-happy person and since I have the advantage of having a manual transmission I just switched from first to second, to first, to keeping the clutch down and just coasting, to second. It works. But finally, near the exit before the one I needed, the cause of the delay was extremely clear. The other side of the freeway was completely shut down because of an accident that had car parts strewn all over the place, cops everywhere, such excitement. Then we got to where the people trying to go that direction were, and made me glad at least my side had been moving. They were just sitting there. I looked on the news website today and found the story on it. A woman had crossed the median from my side of the freeway and hit a semi truck going the other way. She ended up dying. Showed pictures of her car, there's absolutely no way someone could have been in there and survived. Scary.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Wed Apr 25, 2012 08:58 AM
I hate how this is beginning to be a trend. I think it's an extremely good thing my job ends this friday, because: I didn't practice again last night. In fact, I didn't even run through my reel. Here's my excuse, and it's actually a really good one: not very long after I got to school, I was suddenly hit with a gut wrenching pain. It felt like my intestines were being grabbed and twisted and ripped up. Oh, it hurt so BAD. I sat in agony for a minute before I could muster the courage to stagger to the bathroom to try and relieve possible pressure, somehow. For I've felt this before, it ends up that it's some sort of evil gas from hell. I know, embarassing calling it gas, but that's all I know it could be. Last time I had this I don't remember it being quite so bad, but bad enough I was very miserable. Nothing I tried helped, not the usual gas-ridding meds. But when I tried Mylanta it sloooowly ebbed. So anyway this time of course I didn't have access to Mylanta, and trying to relieve pressure didn't do a thing for it. So for the four and a half hours I was at school I sat in extreme pain and waited till I could leave to go home and try getting rid of it. I couldn't leave or else I'd be marked absent, and being on a grant I can't let my attendance drop below 80% or else I lose the grant. When I finally got home I had a melt down so my wonderful Lovey took care of me, held me while I cried and sobbed, and gave me Mylanta. It was even slower this time in doing anything to help me, but help me it did so for that I'm grateful. It still hurt an hour after I had gotten home which by then was 10:30, so of course I didn't dance.

Yesterday was also Lovey's birthday. He turned 26. I felt terrible for being GONE the entire day, then when I did come home he had to administer to me. I haven't been able to get him presents, make him a cake, nothing. :(
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:24 AM
Edited by RinceorNosretep (217485) on 2012-04-25 11:32:22 Oh yeah... damn my scattered mind!
Bah it ate my post I had just made, saw Louise's karma and got distracted. Thanks, by the way! I'm honored that you're reading my diary, I hold you in the highest reguard.

This is what I was going to say: I forgot to mention in the previous post that I'm fairly certain it was the soup I was praising yesterday that caused the agony due to the high dairy content. I have a history of digestive problems, and was even 'sort of' diagnosed with lactose intolerance when I was 12. ('Sort of' because when I was tested for it the results were negative but I had a strong reaction.) We've had California Chowder many times before, with the only effect being an extra case of the farts, with Lovey joining in on the fun. So I had absolutely no reason to even think it would do this to me. It makes me sad because it's one of my favorite soups. I'm a fairly picky eater, but I'm a big soup person, too. My other favorite soup is Zuppa Toscana from Olive Garden. Ooooh yeah! But this means it's one less of my favorite things that I can eat. Boo!

Oh yeah, and I'm having that soup again for lunch today. I was in a hurry this morning and we don't have anything else readily available. God have mercy on my soul.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Thu Apr 26, 2012 08:05 AM
Guess what guess what guess WHAT? I practiced last night. :) It was a pretty good practice, too, even though I meant to practice my reel but instead ended up practicing Job of Journeywork. Ah well, that needs work too. I really don't do too bad, but the part in the set where you do two toe bang and heel I keep doing off time. It's like I pause just a bit before going into it, then the heel bangs are a bit slow as well. It really bothers me because when my teacher first gave this to me (I already knew it, yay for Olive Hurley! :P I also knew the school's variation from watching other dancers do it like two years ago) I did them just fine. So I kept drilling that over and over for the 45 minutes or hour or whatever that I practiced. Didn't time myself, should have, oh well. I've decided I need to just plunge into that sequence, and do them fast so I feel like I'm rushing them but I'm actually not. Then they're perfect. To finish up I did go over my reel a bit, I have 180 degree turns in the second step that are fairly fast, again I used to do them fine but now? They stump me. It's like I'm afraid of them a bit, and if I try drilling them even in half time like I tried last night I get motion sickness. Bah! I'm going to go over it several times today before class so I don't have a brain fart like I did last week. I think being afraid of the turns came from practicing them in bloch sneakers on my driveway. That's the only place I have enough space to really dance and move, but I'm ever afraid of the shoes catching and down I go. That hasn't happened before but I DID roll my ankle about a month ago and fell pretty hard. Ankle ended up being fine, I know they're a bit weak so I try keeping up on working them. Another bad thing about this driveway is it's really pitted. So I have to be careful where I dance or I'll land on an uneven surface, and I'll meet the ground. I don't like meeting the ground. It usually hurts. So unfortunately I can only dance slightly more than just walking it, and my dancing in class kind of reflects it. But hey, I tell myself it's much better than not practicing at all. Then if there's something I do want to dance full out, I can do it on the spot up on my dance board. I also usually pull the car out of the carport and dance on the non-pitted spot the car usually is on; I still don't dance full full out because 1) it's cement and I know my shoes only take a bit of the shock, and 2) there's still uneven cement seams I have to be careful not to trip on. Not the best circumstances, but it's the best I have so I'll take it and use it and not complain. Did I mention I practiced last night? :D
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Apr 27, 2012 07:40 AM
Didn't really get a chance to run over my reel before class, instead went makeup shopping and made Lovey a cake which made him really happy. Ended up being just fine because I didn't have a brain fart when we were doing reels in class, and my teacher fixed the last part of the first step to flow into the second step better to gain momentum before the turns. Apparently I've been doing it wrong all this time, which is why I was struggling with the turns. Oh it's so much better now! Now I need to drill THAT tonight, to get it into my muscle memory for the feis. I know just one day isn't that much time for muscle memory, but my body is actually fairly good at retaining things I learn quickly. It still sometimes tries to revert to a previous memory when I'm not paying attention or thinking too hard, but eight times out of ten it remembers the most current memory. So that's not too bad of odds. I tend to hold my breath when I dance, so my teacher last night keept reminding me "breathe!" It tripped me out at first because I'm used to "lift!" and "point off the floor!" but after the first dance of her doing that it was great. She reminded me to breathe, and I did! I actually noticed a difference, too. My mantra tomorrow while I dance needs to be "switch hop BREATHE 2 3, BREATHE 2 3 4 5 6 7" with the words between BREATHE appropriate to the dance. I forgot to tell her last night how much I appreciated her doing that. I'll try to remember next week.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:41 AM
Just wanted to pop in and say the feis went really well, it was a great day! :) I got four firsts, a third, and two second places. At a feis last year that I was the only beginner adult competitor in I complained jokingly to my husband that I wanted one of each medal for souvenirs, especially since it was automatic firsts. Today I said, "Hey I get one of each this time!" One dancer never showed up so for the soft shoe dances we were short one, which meant the reel only had four. Ah well. The third place was slip jig, during which I fell flat on my bum almost at the end of the second step on the left foot. My ankles are on the weak side and really loose and floppy, so I roll them easily. When I fell it was like my ankle suddenly just wasn't there, and I was extremely surprised to find myself sitting on the floor. The judge was concerned and asked if I was okay, I replied "Oh yeah, I'm fine," got up, listened to the music, then did the last three movements in the dance. The second places I got were the next two dances after that. Lovey and I were discussing this on the drive home, and he speculated that had I not fallen I very possibly would have gotten firsts all across the board. It's like I was shaken a bit from falling, then recovered after a couple dances. Honestly, I did actually subconsciously feel that way. However, the girl that took first in the treble jig was really good and totally rocked it. She deserved to win that one.

I messed up the most I ever have at a feis. For light jig I randomly had a slight brain fart during the left foot of the second step, but my feet knew what was supposed to happen so my body did kind of a conflicting half effort of what was supposed to happen and what my mind wanted to do, which was to seize up. It only lasted a moment, then I knew where I was. I didn't stop during this, but I kind of did half-movement, like walking it instead of dancing. I fell during the slip jig, like I said. Single jig I started to do light jig, then a few movements in I realised what I was doing and switched to what the single jig steps were supposed to be. In hornpipe during the second step I did the left foot first, then the right. I really don't know how that one happened. Thankfully the judge wasn't looking at me when we ended so I kind of skipped the very last movement where my foot goes behind and just put my right foot down again in front. Then the judge looked and saw me standing on my toes, right foot in front. :P As I'm typing this out I'm seeing a pattern. The left foot of the second step. Why is that? That's really strange. I've never had a problem before.

I was chatting between dances with the girl that got first in the dances that I didn't, telling her about this being the most I've messed up, and she said she was sorry I was having such a bad day. I replied "Oh no, I'm not having a bad day!" and told her that I love dancing, and as long as I'm dancing I'm happy. Today really was such a good day. Told Lovey this as we were walking out to the car, how happy I was. Just generally and fully happy, because I got to do something I absolutely love.

Happy is such a strange word. I'm sitting here staring at it and started to wonder if it ought to be a real word. It's late. It's past midnight. Why am I not in bed? I'm not really sure. Came out to get my ipod, then had the brilliant idea to get on ddn. Today was a good day. Technically yesterday now. Bah! good night.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Wed May 02, 2012 10:01 AM
Wow it's ten times harder to update this when I'm not at work, bored, sitting with a computer staring at me. It helps that the majority of the internet is blocked there, with DDN thankfully one of the few sites NOT blocked. By the company's blocking parameters DDN should be blocked, being an online forum and all, but I'm not about to tell them that.

So, what's been going on since the feis? Truly, not much. I know I really need to keep practicing till the day I die, but I've been going through a bit of a rough patch emotionally and mentally and especially yesterday I don't feel like myself. I went to practice yesterday, started warming up and that, and I didn't feel like practicing. Just didn't want to. Now, I have to be on my deathbed to not want to dance. Obviously I'm not on my deathbed, but something is seriously wrong with me. I've known this for years, but it's hard to keep it in mind and explore it to try and figure out what's wrong when it fluxuates so much. Through my extensive studying and research the thing that everything I go through points to the most is manic-depressive, but of course I'm not going to diagnose or label myself till I see a specialist, and even then I shy away from being labeled. Some techniques on how to figure myself out and help myself ride through the storms when they come would be nice though. Unfortunately I have no health insurance and of course not enough money to pay my own way to see specialists. Ah, la vie!
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Wed May 09, 2012 09:37 PM
Well, don't worry I am still alive. I haven't really practiced since the feis, and didn't have class last Thursday because my teacher was sick, so I'm really antsy to dance now! Not a bad thing. I was starting to get worried that maybe I was subconsciously burnt out on dance, just going on the way I've been feeling mentally. But I'm really excited for class tomorrow. To finally improve on my pathetic lack of stamina I started working out again on monday, to old 'The Firm' workout tapes borrowed from my mom. My butt especially is really sore, it hurts to sit on the side of it. :P Did it again yesterday, and half of it today - the running in place parts and abs section. The important bits.

I don't really have much else to say. Still a bit in my mental...funk? I guess you could say. I don't know what to call it. This morning I didn't feel like doing anything. Didn't really feel like sleeping, but didn't want to get up, get dressed, do anything at all. Haven't even really felt much like eating either which is a major RED ALERT for me. I usually love eating. I'm not physically sick or anything, or even depressed, just didn't want to eat. Or do anything else. But I did eventually get up and do at least the most important things. Feed cats, brush teeth, get dressed, wash some dishes, do half the workout, go to school. (And yes, made myself at least eat enough to not get sick.) I hope tomorrow will be better.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri May 18, 2012 02:52 AM
Wow. My mind is reeling. I feel as if the floor has dropped from under my feet. I don't like change very well. I surprisingly adapt to it fairly quickly, but I don't like it. In fact, I hate it. But I also love it. I think I hate it because of the unknown, the unpredicable things that may arise as a result of change. I love and hate it because of the potential of new opportunities, and I revel in discovering new things and venturing into the unknown, but fear it. It's not going to happen for a little while yet, but it sounds like this is for real happening. I haven't decided yet whether to follow or not, but heck I just found out a few hours ago. I have time to decide. There are more pros than cons in favor of following, and the cons are more along the lines of clinging to my original ideas and dreams and visions than anything. I can easily revise those to fit the change. Aren't dreams constantly changing anyway according to circumstances that come up in life? If anything, the only thing changing in my dream is the setting, the scenery. The dancing is the same. Also, and this is one of the pros, by following I'm much more likely to actually achieve these dreams. Oh, the potential I see! It would be incredibly amazing to be a part of it, not just watch it happen but BE in the happening. It's so exciting, and scary, and keeping me from sleeping. Yet at the same time I want to stay comfortable, where I'm at, but I can't do that either. Whichever way I choose, no matter what there will be change.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Jun 01, 2012 01:59 AM
Wow I've been really absent from here. I've sort of felt a bit absent from life in general lately...

I've decided/come to the revelation that my teacher is gradually moving me into novice. I've had the novice reel since about the end of February, and tonight - last night? It's 1:25 in the morning, so I guess last night - she had my friend start teaching me the novice slip jig. Waaaaah that made my day. I've been having a generally crappy day. But that made everything better. :D The more I think about it, the more I realise that this was her plan all along, but also wanted me to work for it. It really is better this way, too, instead of the all-at-once-gimme!!! that I've been craving. This way I'm easing into it, dance by dance, get one down to pat before learning the next one, instead of being overwhelmed by four more advanced dances that I need to remember all at once to have down, to the music, by next week. (Not that my teacher expects that, but I expect it of myself.) I like to think that I've somewhat impressed her with already knowing the set dances, thanks to Olive Hurley and observation on my own to learn the school's variations. Technically being a beginner, you'd think I'd still have St. Pat's, but thankfully I don't; haven't for a while. She had me do Blackbird for the feis in February, but then after that she switched me to Job of Journeywork which is one of my favorites, I think I could do Job for ever. I apparently do it fairly well, too. Got first place with it at the feis in April. Anyway, I've also realised that my teacher is most likely being cautious with me due to the fact that my friend injures so easily and so frequently. She's in adult prizewinner, doing the kids' novice steps, and going to their classes as well as the adult class. If I had the money and was officially in novice I would do the same, for the practice and the exercise. But it seems every time I see my friend she has new conversational news to tell about how she strangely pulled a muscle mid-leap and had to sit out the rest of the class, or her ankle she rolled two months ago acting up, or trying to keep up with the kids and mostly succeeding but sometimes not and taking it easy a bit. Teacher saying "Friend, you're scaring me!" because she doesn't want my friend hurt. It's all coming into perspective for me now. I don't condemn my friend for her body acting the way it is, she's a mother of four so of course it's gone through a lot more than mine has. (As a side note I asked her if she thinks she'd still be doing beginner steps if she hadn't moved up in competition and her reply was, "You bet.") I'm also grateful to my teacher for wanting to keep my body as healthy and injury-free as possible. She told me a couple weeks ago that she'd rather keep me dancing, with beginner steps and all, than for me to be fored to quit due to an injury. She really does want to teach me the novice dances, have me move up and excel and be happy, but she also has my health and well-being in mind. I couldn't ask for a better teacher. I now have the motivation to show her that not all adults are injury prone, while at the same time keeping in tune with my body, listening to it to prevent injuries I may currently think I'm immune to (not that I think I'm actually 'immune' to injury, but you know what I mean). The worst I've had is a rolled ankle as my ankles are way loose and floppy. The slight 'off' feeling in my ankle after rolling it is usually gone by the end of the next day. My main ailments are not dance related, namely chronic headaches and stomach issues. While those can make me miserable and keep me from dancing sometimes, only the headache is sometimes triggered by actually dancing but headaches come whether triggered or not. I'm not going to let stupid headaches, OR belly aches, keep me from dancing.

Blah blah blah what is it about not being able to sleep that makes my mind so busy? Or is it the darkness that stimulates my mind, which in turn keeps me from sleeping? Hmm another thing to muse over while I don't sleep.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Sat Jun 23, 2012 04:33 PM
Edited by RinceorNosretep (217485) on 2012-06-23 17:11:33 hmm...tweak tweak
Had a feis today. It's my last feis for a while, I'll elaborate another time. When I registered two weeks ago, I asked my TC what level I should do as I had enough people to move up only light jig at the last feis, but I've also been doing the novice reel and slip jig. The conclusion was I signed up in novice for all but treble jig and hornpipe, which I was very okay with. After she gave me the go-ahead I kept uncontrollably giggling. :P

I didn't do as well as I hoped or imagined I would, but examining from a different viewpoint I did quite well for my first feis in not-beginner novice. I keep having to remind myself that I actually wasn't in beginner this time for the most part, I can't expect to sweep the competition like I did in the past. And I didn't fall this time; in fact both my ankles have been very sound the past three days which makes me very happy, since the outside of my left ankle had been feeling wonky for a week. So, these are my results as I remember them. I may get one or two wrong, I didn't pay as much attention as usual since I was disappointed, and my hubby wasn't there to keep track of it for me.

2-hand: 1st (out of 1 - did this with my friend. We were the ONLY adult figure. No 4-hands, 3-hands, nothing.)
reel: 3rd (out of 4) novice
light jig: 3rd (out of 4) novice
slip jig: none (out of 5) novice
single jig: 2nd (out of 5) novice
treble jig: 1st (out of 2) beginner
hornpipe: 1st (out of 2) beginner
trad set: 2nd (out of 3) novice

So, yeah. It is what it is. I didn't expect much from slip jig since I only barely learned it, and I'm pleased with myself that I didn't mess up too terribly bad. I think my number one downfall overall was I could feel I wasn't turning out and crossing like I know I should and usually do when I practice. I got up in the air decently, even pointing my bottom foot on hops like my teacher is always on me for, but my turnout and crossing was virtually nonexistant. Pathetic.

The venue was nice since it was at an expo center instead of a school of some sort; however: the adults were shunted off to the side. We had maybe 5 people -if that- sitting and watching us besides the judge (who was an absolute gem), which in itself doesn't completely bother me but it's hard to muster the enthusiasm and adrenaline to perform for an empty room. The room itself was at the very far end of the building, in a kind of corner/niche that you couldn't see unless you walked right up to it which explains the lack of spectators. And the part I really didn't like was how we did our dances back-to-back-to-back. Every other feis I've been to it goes beginner reels, novice reels, prizewinner reels, beginner light jig, novice light jig, prizewinner light jig, etc. This one was novice reel (since there were no beginners except for the two dances I was in), novice light jig, novice slip jig, novice single jig, prizewinner reel, prizewinner light jig, prizewinner slip jig, prizewinner single jig. Then a very slight break to change shoes, and: beginner treble jig, then the judge mercifully gave us a breather, beginner hornpipe, novice treble jig, novice hornpipe, prizewinner treble jig, prizewinner hornpipe, novice trad set, prizewinner trad set. Then another slight break, then the sad treble reel special in which there were only two competitors, and I was the only one in the slightly larger audience that clapped to the music till the 2nd person started dancing and they finally caught on. The audience had slightly grown because the little kids' grade dances were due to be after us, but they apparently got moved to a different stage because everyone filtered out after a bit and never came back. (And I said it was sad because of the lack of clapping. That's what a treble reel is all about, ya know?)

It was tiring to do my dances back to back like that, but thank goodness I've been working out and am in better shape than I'd been previously, even for the last feis. Otherwise I probably would have been dying. I certainly got drenched with sweat, it didn't help that it was a bit muggy in there as well, but I did every single dance with 'pep in my step', so to speak. If I hadn't been working out I would have been so tired by the hornpipe I would have barely been able to lift my feet, much less kick my bum and treble and stomp loudly and leap and...you get my drift. Instead I was strong all the way through. In fact, once I stepped of the stage after doing Job of Journeywork I stood there by my bag and realised I was done. I had a brief moment of 'yay, I survived!' quickly followed by the strong urge to go out in the hall and keep dancing. :D I guess that's a good sign that I'm not burned out. I've been somewhat worried about that of late.

My technical focus now and forever: TURNOUT and CROSS. And be high on my toes and lift and jump higher and nail double hops and entrechats and switch leaps and...and...but those first two are the most important.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Mon Jul 02, 2012 07:46 PM
Well I think I can officially announce that my school is leaving CLRG and joining WIDA. Not the whole school, just the north studio that I go to; we're splitting away and becoming our own school. Now you know the explanation of my post where my mind is reeling, and pretty much every one after that. I've come to terms with it, in fact I'm rather excited. I needed to face the facts that as an adult dancer, I'm really not likely to get very far with CLRG. It's possible, but you have to have endless income, endless time to practice, a perfect injury-proof body, and a teacher/school that plays the politics. I don't have any of those. (And yes I know I'm exaggerating.) With WIDA, I can still move up without going to feiseanna (which I'd have to currently either go to eastern US or to Europe to reach any open platform feiseanna; there are zero here in the western US yet) since my teacher knows a certified judge who will do assessments instead, kind of like a personal feis. WIDA is also extremely adult friendly. They don't separate adults, we're just another age group. I love this since not only does it benefit myself, it also is in keeping with what Irish dancers originally all were: adults.

I'm excited to be a part of a beginning. The beginning of our new dance school, the beginning of trying to raise awareness of open platform in the west, the beginning of more performances. Once the dust settles my teacher wants to start a feis, and since there are around 15 uncertified Irish dance schools in our area, we're confident a lot of them will come out of the woodworks - including the anti-competition ballet studio I started dancing at.

Our new school's name will be Legacy Irish Dance Company. I quite like it, really. I just hope that people won't think we're named after the highway that's nearby though. :P

And no, despite all of this I am not anti-CLRG now. In fact, I still feel about them the way I've always felt about them, which is respect and pride in the amazing dance-form-turned-sport they have created. I'll still keep track and follow the majors, I still plan on dragging Lovey to local feiseanna when we can. If (when - insert evil grin here ;) ) we move out of state or country, I'll still consider joining CLRG schools if they welcome adults like me. But in the meantime, I'm embracing this new chapter that is just beginning to unfold.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Mon Jul 16, 2012 05:24 PM
Well I'm hoping to keep up on this a little bit more now as I restarted my seasonal job last week. No, still no assistant manager position but I've stopped pinning hope on that. The ship has sailed, I'm done, it's too stressfull thinking 'when they do it', 'once I'm assistant manager I'll...', etc. My mom keeps bringing it up which is annoying since I keep telling her I've stopped waiting. I'm sick of waiting! I put it from my mind, I feel better, at peace with where I'm at, then she starts to say something along the lines of the quotes above. I stop her before she even finishes the sentence and remind her YET AGAIN I'm not doing that anymore. Argh!

Dance classes are out for July to give my teacher time to find a new studio and start creating new material for the dances we need to replace. I'm really excited to find out what level the judge lady placed me at (TC recorded us dancing and sent it to the judge to asses what level we'll start out at). TC was casually saying the levels she's positive we'll be put at and she said I'll most likely be Intermediate which is technically one down from champs. That's like jumping from beginner/novice which is where I just barely got to be with CLRG to prizewinner. Waah I'm so excited! Of course I'm not basing my expectations on what my teacher said, but she sees me dance once a week and therefore knows me quite well, and if she thinks I'm that good, well, that's quite a compliment. I'm also excited to start learning slow speed hardshoe, that's going to be ace!

I practiced hardshoe yesterday on my little dance board, mostly drills and that. I'm still having trouble on that stupid heel-and-toe bit in Job of Journeywork. So I made up a drill for that: basically dance to slow regular hornpipe music, starting at the beginning of the set (2nd step) then after the rocks skip almost to the end and do the passing heel click bit that is the old school's variation. My TC might change that, but I figured it still wouldn't hurt to drill it since I'm bound to have a passing heel click in one or more of my dances eventually in my lifetime. Since the music is slower than normal Job speed I can work on keeping the heel bangs in time. Sad thing is, yesterday it was a lot better at the slower speed but I could feel that I was just barely making it. So I figured I'd do it over and over and over to the slow speed, then once I'm consistent and feel a lot more in control I'll switch to a fast hornpipe which I think is a bit faster than Job actually is. That way when I go back to the actual Job music I'll be perfect. Yay!

My friend Beth suggested I try taping my ankles since I told her they're a bit wobbly and she has the same problem. I tried it for the first time last Wednesday when I practiced (yes I looked up how to properly do it, from a bunch of different sources). I only did my left ankle since that one is worse and I wanted to see if it actually DOES make a difference. It does. I have a fear of landing wrong and my ankle rolling to the side, which happens more often than I like, and instead of a day out I'll kill something that will put me out for a long time or permanently. Since I'm afraid of this I hold back when I dance, especially in softshoe, and as a result my stamina is lacking as well as technique (higher leaps and jumps, rocks, plus that pointing of my bottom foot that TC is on me for). With my ankle taped on Wednesday I tried to remember not to hold back, and I felt a lot more confident dancing. Then after I was done and took the tape off, my right ankle felt a bit stiff on the outer side while walking out to my car. My left one felt as if I hadn't even done anything besides being nicely warm. So definitely a difference. I taped both my ankles for yesterday's practice and will be taping them from now on every time I dance longer than ten minutes. I need to buy more tape as there's enough for maybe two more times.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Jul 20, 2012 04:00 PM
I've been feeling out of touch with life the past couple days, mainly yesterday and today. This morning, though, I had a breakthrough. I realised I had completely forgiven a wrong that was done almost two years ago. I don't really want to go into detail about it, but it was a huge mess and happened over the period of about five months, finally ending when it came to a head and exploded one night. It's taken a LOT to get over it, I've alternated between hatred to extreme hurt (involving a lot of crying) to self-loathing and the way I handled it at the time, which was NOT the way I should have been which made the whole thing worse in itself. I've mainly gotten to a point where I can bear the pain that the wound still causes (spiritual wound, not physical), mostly ignore it, but still bode ill will towards the person this mess involves. This morning, however, I was thinking about that person and felt appreciation and a kind of love one would feel for a close friend. (This person was a close friend before all this happened.) I quickly realised that this means I've truly gotten over it and forgiven the person involved. As I'm trying to abstractly explain the mess I'm starting to get teary-eyed and tight in my chest with slight anxiety in anticipation of those negative feelings, partly because it's habit and partly because the wound itself is still there and will probably always be, but the negative feelings themselves are gone. I feel as if a tremendous weight I didn't know was there has been lifted off.

I am free.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Aug 10, 2012 03:56 PM
Woo hoo class last night! It was such a relief to go again after having a month off. I really missed it, and I especially appreciated it because I almost couldn't afford to go. But I'll be starting to teach piano lessons again in September so Lovey let me 'borrow' some money to pay for dance tuition. Yay! And wow, did it feel good! I was in such a bad mood yesterday from work, crappy stuff is going on. THEN since we moved studios I took the highway instead of the freeway to go to dance, was looking for a road that ended up not even connecting to the highway after all, got off an entire city PAST where the studio is...I was about fifteen minutes late. So that added to my being already tense still from work (despite me just laying on the bed for the three hours I was home to calm myself down) and I was not in a good place. But, I put on my soft shoes, took five DEEP breaths, then got in the zone, warmed up, joined the ceili drills the rest of the class was doing. We're going to be focusing on basics and technique because TC's judge friend told her that everyone really really needs better technique. In fact she told TC to not even teach steps for the first couple months. Apparently it's that bad. (But TC told me last week when I helped lay the floor in the new studio that the judge had said my technique is pretty decent and where it should be right now, so that made me feel good.) So TC isn't teaching steps yet for a while. To the kids. Us adults she's teaching steps, in fact she taught us our light jigs and the first step to her version of Jockey to the Fair (she's going to have me do Garden of Daisies, but invited me to learn Jockey while she was teaching the other two). She pretty much said she's going to try out the new steps on us first then make changes as needed before the kids learn them since we're more versatile. :) Paying us a compliment while trying to not make it sound like an insult, lol.

Oh yeah and I'm officially intermediate. Not beginner. Not primary, either. INTERMEDIATE. Which is one level below champ. I'm so stoked! And so far I like the new light jig step. My 2nd step is different than the other two's, but I learned theirs as well and wrote down both today so I don't forget. I think I'm mainly just happy to be doing something new, and NOT be beginner. :D :D :D
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Sun Aug 26, 2012 11:58 PM
I figured I'd write in here before my diary becomes too old to reply to, haha. :P

As you know if you've been reading my diary so far, my school transferred from CLRG to WIDA, and moved to a new studio. I've been to two classes since the break so far. The first one was taught by my regular teacher, but then the second one my friend subsituted for because my teacher got married (yay!). Then this past Thursday we didn't have class because my teacher was still on her honeymoon and my friend was going out of town. I really miss it, in fact I wish I had enough money to go to the Monday class as well as Thursday. But, alas, I don't. I'm barely able to go at all. I'm very grateful that I CAN go, but of course loving it as much as I do I wish I could have more. Ah well.

I really need to practice more (like we haven't heard that one before). I've decided, or maybe re-decided, that if I can practice every single day, life would be golden. Sometimes I get busy doing other things, then it gets too late, or dinner needs to be had to feed Lovey (he's really weird about not eating unless I'm eating, too. Kind of annoying, since I know he's hungry but either I'm not or I want to practice/work out first, I tell him that and he says "oh I'll just wait for you then". Why does he do that??) and I can't do anything harder than walking for two hours or else I get sick, and we sometimes wouldn't get around to eating dinner till like 8:30, 9:00, 10:00... frustrating. And on Mondays and Tuesdays I don't get home from school till 9:30 pm and Wednesdays 8:00 pm, which pushes things even later. I know I'm making excuses, and although they're good excuses I need to somehow dispel them.

Okay, here's my plan: I'll start with 1/2 hour every night. 10 minute warmup, 10 minutes practicing one dance, 10 minutes cool down/stretching. If I have more time I'll expand practicing to 1/2 hour or more depending on when my ankles start hurting. But the bare minimum is that 1/2 hour. That should work. Then as it starts becoming a habit I'll expand to practicing 20 minutes as the mimimum. I'll report here the next day and be truthful on whether or not I did it. And if I failed, all you random lurkers can chew me out. :D Deal? Deal.

Today I practiced, not sure exactly how long but at least an hour. I'm trying to decide whether or not to do my 1/2 hour tonight as well. I think I will, to kick start the habit.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Mon Aug 27, 2012 04:34 PM
I did it! Did my half hour practice last night even with doing the hour plus earlier. :) I'm proud of myself. Tonight it'll be easy (so I think) to get it done since I actually don't have class, all I need to do is register for my next course and classes will start tomorrow. I'll be home tonight around 5:00, so that's plenty of time especially if I actually do it first thing instead of eating a snack, playing games on my computer while I digest and before I know it it's 8:30. Hate when I do that. But I'm fully planning on positively reporting tomorrow, so I will not disappoint.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Tue Aug 28, 2012 05:45 PM
Guess what? I did it. :) For the practice bit I drilled the twists in my slip jig for two full song lengths (song is 5 1/2 minutes long). It was great. Yesterday proved more difficult to do my practice than I originally thought. I didn't get home till around seven thirty, had eaten at six fourty five so I couldn't practice till nine, and when nine did come around I was very briefly tempted to just skip it. Briefly, mind, just because it's only day two and not a habit yet.

I'm trying to figure out what exactly to do. When I registered for my next class it ended up being a weird one not taught by my regular teacher, and even held in a different building. This isn't a problem, but the problem is it's only available M-Th 4:30-7:30. Since I'm on a grant I HAVE to go at least 12 hours a week. All the hours available combined is 12 hours. My dance class is on Thursdays, at 7:00. UGH! I'm going to talk to the teacher there tonight and see if she'll work with me. If not...I'm annoyed, frustrated and devastated. I've worked so hard to be able to continue dancing only to be thwarted by a stupid tech school that doesn't care that 90% of their students are adults with actual lives. Today hasn't been the greatest day so far so I'm irritated already. Thinking about this isn't helping. I WILL report another practice sesson tomorrow.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Thu Aug 30, 2012 06:03 PM
I didn't report yesterday but I did practice Tuesday. In fact, it was a pretty good practice. I kind of messed around with fun treble reel music and then drilled bits of my new treble jig. Last night I failed. No practice. I let it get too late, and then went meh. I didn't sleep too well the night before so by 9:30 I was about ready to pass out, almost didn't even bother with dinner. But I did eat dinner. No practicing though.

Tonight I have dance class, so I'm not going to practice even though I probably won't be able to again till maybe Monday, more likely Tuesday. We're going camping this weekend, leaving right after I get off work tomorrow and coming back Monday. If we get home early enough I'll practice, but usually on these trips we don't get home till really late.
re: Perseverance - No pain, no gain
By RinceorNosretep
On Fri Aug 31, 2012 02:28 PM
My goodness, when is this spilling onto a second page? I keep getting excited to have a multi-page diary finally. :P

Class went really well last night, we have a new adult yay! She seems really nice and is catching on quite quickly despite it being her first ever class. She seems determined to get it. I hope she comes back.
So, funny thing: my teacher reassured my friend that only a bit of our reel was changing (she has a hard time remembering steps), mostly the second step. The lead/1st step was only going to be tweaked, and she showed us the tweaks. We practice it for a minute, then TC shows us (rather, makes it up on the spot) the beginning of the second step. We practice that bit while she goes and checks on the new lady and our beginner-soon to be primary level-adult. Apparently in WIDA it's considered a false start to raise up on the toes before the dance actually starts, unlike in CLRG where you point on five, up on toes on eight, and off you go on one. This is a bit of a problem since our reel starts with a switch jump. I'd actually been thinking about this ever since TC told us about both heels being off the ground before the 1st count being considered a false start but haven't bothered to ask yet, was waiting till it came up. So when TC came back to us my friend asked her about this, what we should do. TC said, "Hmm, I hadn't thought about that." I suggested maybe we could do a cut instead, but then we are on the wrong foot. So our TC rearranged it to make it work with sort of the same moves, just different order and timing and the in-between steps slightly tweaked so it stays with the music. I'm amused now because the only things that are the same from our old reel is a leap and a grapevine sidestep each in the same spot. Everything else changed. TC said, "Well, sorry, the first step changed too." Oh yeah I should probably hurry and write it down before I forget.

I've been thinking about it and I really don't want to not do anything dance-wise whilst out camping so I came up with a daily agenda I'll do every day, most likely every evening.
crunches - 20 reps each straight, side, bicycle
plank - count (slowly) to 20, twice with a slight break in between
theraband exercises
balance - listen to an at least 5-minute song on each leg
Then maybe if I feel like it or have time I can do leg lifts and calf raises and stuff.

I'm going to vent now. I love my mom to pieces, but she aggrevates me to no end. Anytime I ask her for something, whether it be just to borrow something or ask if she'd do something for me, she acts like it's a huge inconvenience no matter what it is. Yet she asks me to do things for her and expects it to be done, no questions asked and absolutely no protests. I understand that she's still in mommy mode since I have younger siblings at home (youngest is ten) but seriously, I'm an adult with my own life now. Well last night I had initially asked my brother if we could hire him to take care of our animals while we go camping for the weekend. He was all for it, very enthusiastic. Yay, that taken care of. Then I talked to my mom to ask if we could borrow her smallest dog crate for our cats (we're taking them with us) and she reluctantly said I could. "Oh. Well...I guess you can borrow it." (This after several seconds of hesitant speculation.) Then I proceeded to tell her great, I'll be over tomorrow to pick it up and drop off our house key because I hired my brother to watch our other animals. She not so much freaked out but very intensely said he absolutely couldn't. Apparently he's still allergic to rabbits (we have a rabbit by the way), which I knew he was but thought just a quick in and out wouldn't produce more than a sneeze, and since I asked him personally and he was enthusiastic about it I thought it would be okay. He knows his body more than anyone. But my mom told me that when he came over last year to hang out and watch a movie, he came home with such a bad asthma attack they almost took him to the hospital. I know my mom escalates things, but she also means well. If she said that it still was pretty serious. She said she didn't tell me about it because she didn't want me to feel bad. I really wish she would have told me. So anyway I say oh crap, what am I going to do? There's no one else I could ask since my sister that I usually ask is laid up on strict bedrest from having surgery on her feet then getting blood clots in her legs. "Isn't there anyone else?" (Uh, YOU mom...) "No we really don't have that many friends and definately not any that we'd trust with a house key. Would you, please?" I won't go into detail anymore but suffice it to say it took some convincing on my part and humming and hawing on her part with such phrases as "I'm just so overwhelmed" and an iteration of tasks she did throughout the day yesterday. I really don't see what her problem is, I know she does a lot but is it really THAT much of an inconvenience to take maybe 20 minutes (that's counting travel time) out of an entire 24 hours to go over to our place, feed a betta, feed a rabbit, and make sure the birds still have plenty of food and water? 2 minutes tops, then continue on your own tasks. We're not even leaving our cats, and our other animals (fish tanks, a frog and a lizard) can be left alone for three days. She'll only need to go TWICE the entire time, once on Saturday and once on Sunday. Oh, and to add another spice to the soup, we watched HER animals a few weeks ago when they went on a weekend camping trip.

Anyway I'm done venting now, I'm going to think zen thoughts and enjoy my weekend. I've been very excited for it.
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