Forum: Arts / Fiction

Fiction
How does my story plot sound to you? Critiques welcome:)
By lovestodance989 Comments: 318, member since Sun Jun 12, 2011
On Tue Apr 24, 2012 01:43 PM
Edited by lovestodance989 (236930) on 2012-04-24 13:44:03

Okay so I'm only 13, but I've always loved writing, and yesterday I can up with what I think MAY be a good plot? If you could take the time to read it I would be so grateful:)

Okay, so it's about a girl named Faye, whose father is a the King and her mother is the queen. Her father has gone to war to fight these terrible creatures called Murmurs. Murmurs look human but they have no 'heart', they have no ability to love, and their one goal in life is to cause as much pain and despair as they can. If anyone get's in their way, they torture and kill the people, but leave one of their loved ones behind so that they'll suffer.
One night after the king thought to war was over, the Murmurs snuck in and killed Faye's parents. She had to flea because they were after her (they captured her younger sister). She was found in the woods by a boy named Benjamin. Benjamin asked if Faye would like to stay at his house for the night, since it was really cold. She accepted and met Benjamin's nice mother, father, and brother. But then the Murmurs found her again and killed Benjamin's family, and they both had to flea. Benjamin and Faye run away and eventually fall in love. The rest of the book is about them coming up with a way to kill the Murmurs, though unfortunately I haven't come up with that part yet.

Does it sound good? Any critiques? Thanks so much guys!


Additional Details:
I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you like the most important thing about the Murmurs! Okay, well I'm not sure if this is going to sound really dumb or not, but I was thinking, they could like murmur I guess to a person and it could like make them relive their worst memories and cause them a lot of pain?? Or do you think that sounds too much like
Dementors (I'm a HUGE HP nerd!)? I don't know I'll have to think about that one, but it definitely has something to do with their murmuring , lol:)

3 Replies to How does my story plot sound to you? Critiques welcome:)

Comment #9926774 deleted
Edited by SiyoNqoba (34789) on 2012-04-26 20:22:12
Removed by Odessa (22571) on 2012-04-26 20:41:16 half a double post

re: How does my story plot sound to you? Critiques welcome:) (karma: 1)
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7113, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Thu Apr 26, 2012 08:30 PM
It sounds really good. Very creative :)

Just a few questions to help you really solidify your idea:

1) How did the Murmurs come to be? Is this an alternate reality in which they've always existed? Did they used to be human?

2) Why is the king fighting a war against them? Other then the obvious "they cause pain," what threat do they pose? Why don't they just live as best they can alongside the Murmurs? What started the war?

3) Why did the Murmur's kill Benjamin's family? You said they kill anyone who gets in their way, what did they do to get in the way? A little suggestion here: It would be too simplistic to say "They just like killing people"

4) What happens to the land Faye lives in once her parents are killed and they're left without a king and queen?

5) Why is it up to Benjamin and Faye to kill the Murmurs?

Yes, I think your idea regarding the Murmurs murumuring to people to cause them to relive painful memories is too much like the Dementors. In fact, your whole idea is very similar to a lot of stuff out there right now. That's not necessarily a bad thing (it's selling, right?), but it does mean that you need to work extra hard to make it different.
re: How does my story plot sound to you? Critiques welcome:)
By lovestodance989 Comments: 318, member since Sun Jun 12, 2011
On Fri Apr 27, 2012 05:30 AM
Okay, thanks so much for your good ideas!

ReplySendWatch