Forum: Advice / Girls Only PG-13

Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Prima_ballerina5member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Jun 15, 2012 12:45 PM

There seems to be a lot of judgement towards the age a girl is when she loses her virginity. If she’s younger than average, she’s labelled as easy; if she’s older she’s labelled a prude. Once you reach a certain age there’s pressure that you should be having sex, be it from friends, a boyfriend or society itself.

So, my question to DDN: is the age at which you lost your virginity important to you?

21 Replies to Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?

re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By ChristinePremium member
On Fri Jun 15, 2012 01:18 PM
Not at all. The sexual choices of others is also of no concern to me.

I might also add, of all the things that really matter in life, and of all the things that affect the person I am, this is the least influential.

You observation is well made. Most of us hear this question throughout our lifetime. Yet, no one has ever asked me when I lost my first tooth, how old I was when I got my first job, or even if I graduated from college.

Humans are an odd lot, don't you think?

Keep On Dancing*
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jun 15, 2012 01:28 PM
My virginity didn't really hold any special significance for me. I don't necessarily believe in waiting for marriage or anything like that.

I think though having said that that one should wait until they are old enough to deal with the consequences or mature enough to protect themselves... if you are too embarassed to get on birth control or buy condoms maybe ya shouldn't he having sex. If you don't know how you get pregnant, you should possibly be waiting a bit longer.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Coccinellamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jun 15, 2012 04:31 PM
I never felt that pressure as a young person. The boys I dated never pressured me into anything...heck, I was probably the instigator most of the time, haha. ;)

My high school boyfriend and I (as in we started dating in 12th Grade) dated for 3ish years and we waited until we were well into our 19th years before losing our virginity. I think it was an awesome age because it was at the point where we able to take ourselves to the drug store to buy two forms of birth control (went with condoms and a contraceptive sponge the first few times) and we knew the consequences of what we were doing. Also, I didn't have to worry about him "telling people" at school or otherwise because we were mature enough to not gossip about it, etc. And, if people did find out, big deal, we were consenting adults in a committed relationship.

I think sex is best saved for after high school as that can be an environment which can become really toxic as rumors spread, etc.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By brackengirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jun 27, 2012 05:31 AM
I don't think the age matters, per se, but if you can't say 'vagina' or 'penis' without blushing/giggling, don't know where babies come from, don't want to educate yourself about birth control, you probably aren't ready.

For myself, I wanted to give my virginity to a very special person. I didn't date until this past Novemeber (I was way too shy and really struggled with social anxiety) and it just so happens that the first guy I ever went on a date with, and am currently still dating, was the one I wanted to give it to. We did research on BC together and decided on condoms and an IUD. For me it was about really being in love with someone, but I realize not everyone sees it that way.

I think the most important thing is that both partners are consenting and discuss sex, protection, and possible consequences with maturity.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jun 27, 2012 06:04 AM
I don't think it's all that important. Just as long as you know how to be safe.

I was 20. Most everyone I knew already had sex but that wasn't a factor in it. I felt no pressure from anywhere and I had to convince him to do it (he was a virgin too). So, he probably felt like I was pressuring him. I just wanted to know what the big deal was and I loved him.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important? (karma: 1)
By teenydanseur
On Wed Jun 27, 2012 02:54 PM
this reminds me of something i thought about recently

my grandmother had children at a very young age, and she lost her virginity younger than that. When i look at my generous, sweet, hardworking no nonsense grandmother, the last thing I (or anyone else) ever thinks about is the implication that she had kids earlier and that my grandmother was/is "easy". That statement at that point sounds laughable, but people wouldn't hesitate to think that about a fifteen year old girl in my grandmothers position. (And honestly, I have probably thought about someone in the past)

I think we make female virginity into a WAY bigger deal than we should. And i think it carries a weight that we just can't get past. Kids try alcohol underage, get in car accidents, stay out past curfew etc. Kids do stupid things, some more than others, and generally adults around you try to manage that the best they can, so you can grow up to be smart functioning adults without too many embarrassing pictures haunting you on facebook :P

And this is coming from someone that lost their virginity pretty late. I was given a lot of responsibilities growing up in taking care of myself and traveling/living alone from a very young age, and managing my virginity was probably the LAST thing on anyone's list of things that needed to be considered. It was definitely the last thing on my list. But my experience was just luck of the draw.

I think the only reason we think when you lose your virginity reflects on your characters is because people tell us it does
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By turquoise
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 12:50 AM
These days so many girls lose their virginities when they're twelve, I almost feel proud about my own age. Sheesh.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 02:29 AM
I will admit, it troubles me when young girls have sex. I'm not talking 15+, but 12, 13, 14...yeah. I don't judge, but I do wonder what's going on.

Older? Definitely no judgement unless they're high and mighty about it. Again though, I do wonder what's going on in some cases. For example, one of my friends was assaulted at age 19 and now, at 23, she still hasn't had sex or been able to be remotely intimate with a guy (physically or emotionally) because she's so traumatized, despite therapy (which she's still in). Plus, I have noticed that the older you get and worry about being a "late bloomer", the easier it is to keep looking for excuses.

All in all though? If someone is mature, legally able to consent, safe and respects their partner, I don't think it matters if they're 16 or 36, nobody should be judging them.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 04:17 AM
I lost my virginity at 15. I think that is important. I don't regret it, and if anything I would rather have lost it younger. I think it makes my experience very different than someone who lost their virginity at an older age. I'm more experienced, I didn't worry about losing my virginity, it wasn't a big deal to me. So yes, it's important to me in a good way. I know the average age in America is 17, and that's usually what I hear from people. I do judge people if they lost theirs later. If you were older than 18, it's just a completely different experience. I don't care, it's their life, whatever, but I personally know I probably wouldn't mesh with someone who didn't lose their virginity until they were in college. I had to grow up faster than most people my age, and I was at a different place than my peers in college. It's starting to even out now that kids my age have graduated but I find I have more in common with people a few years older. And sexual maturity is a part of that. I wouldn't want to date someone who's only been having sex for three years when I've been doing it for nearly seven. Even my friends... I mean, it's one part of the whole; but to say it's not important at ALL is just being naive.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 05:52 AM
I'm 25 now, and I can honestly say that that I don't know or care when my friends lost their virginity. It just doesn't matter when you get past a certain age. All my friends are great people with functional sex lives, so it's never been an issue how they got there. I lost mine in my mid-teens and assume most of my friends probably did too, but as adults it's just a complete non-issue.

Comment #9967858 deleted
Removed by Odessa (22571) on 2012-06-28 01:44:32 somehow you managed to post this three times, so I am going to remove this one...

Comment #9967860 deleted
Removed by Odessa (22571) on 2012-06-28 01:45:07 ...and this one! Thankyou, please come again :)

re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By hummingbird
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 03:12 PM
I've never asked any of my friends, even when I was at school, when they lost their virginity, it really is none of my business so why should I ask them?
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By kandykanePremium member
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 03:23 PM
^ Agreed. It's TMI and rude. I would be more uncomfortable around people who ask nosy questions than around someone who 'lost their virginity' young or old. Have a little class. :?

kk~
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Summer
On Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:34 AM
Edited by Summer (166474) on 2012-06-28 10:36:09
It's one thing to know the history of a potential partner; it's another to get hung up on something as inconsequential as age of losing virginity. Why close the door to someone who may be an amazing person in every way, just because they chose to wait to have sex until they were out of high school (or didn't wait, for that matter)? I cannot see how it makes any sense to equate "maturity" with having lost one's virginity early in life; all it means is that you had sex young. :/
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By xBallet_babex
On Sat Jun 30, 2012 02:54 PM
I don't think maturity and sex go hand in hand at all. I get along with people older than me too because I had to grow up fast and I've never had sex. It doesn't make me "immature" it just means I've chosen not have to sex with the people I've dated so far. No one KNOWS that by looking at me and it doesn't affect my personality. I don't sit there and giggle because someone mentions S-E-X or makes a reference to it or if it comes up from time to time. Maybe part of maturity means we have other things to talk about besides our sex lives and better things to do than sit around and judge people for their choices.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Jun 30, 2012 05:57 PM
I can't even tell you how old I was when I lost mine. I was in my 20's. I might have been just 20. I was a late bloomer - sex and guys weren't all that important to me, so I didn't worry about it.

As a mom of a son, I hope that he waits. Not until a specific age, not for marriage, not anything like that. I hope he waits until he's at an age where he can handle the potential consequences. I went to high school with a guy that knocked a girl up our junior year. He had to drop out of high school and get a job at McDonald's so he could support her and the kid. He was no more ready to be a dad than he was to fly backwards. I don't want my kid to end up in that same position.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By AllGenreDancer
On Sat Jun 30, 2012 08:51 PM
It is important to me but its also not. I was 16. If i could go back, I would have pushed back another year or two, but I wasnt extremely young and I made sure I knew what was going on before I made the decision. There was alot of pressure way before I decided to have sex but I ignored it until I was ready. It bothers me now to hear girls 11,12,13,& 14 having sex because I didnt start thinking about it until after I turned 14. Now being 21, I realize why I would have waited but also why I thought it was right at the time.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 01, 2012 02:33 PM
My social life and my sex life overlap more than is average. I like being able to openly discuss both amongst my friends, without fear of offending someone or encountering judgment (which is probably much stronger than anything I would do, because really, I just don’t care).

Additionally, if you think about it rationally, OF COURSE someone who, for whatever reason, holds off having sex for five years during one of the most turbulent times of a young adult’s life is more likely to have a different outlook on it than someone who gives it up at a younger age. The older you are, the more likely you have reasons for doing so (if not waiting for marriage, until the “right someone,” etc.) and by having less sex, or by being more stingy with the sex they’re having, it makes it more likely that they place greater significance on sex or virginity.

Like I said, it’s part of the whole. My reasoning is also based on experience. I get along better with people who have a similar attitude towards sex. I like being able to discuss my exploits with my close friends. I simply don’t get along well with more reserved, conservative people. I find that it’s a telling indicator of a certain personality type.

But claiming it’s not important is just silly. Everything is important. It is one important thing among many.
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Danceforever53
On Sun Jul 08, 2012 06:11 AM
Definately not! As long as you are doing it for the right reason and you are safe who cares what age it's at!
re: Is the age at which you lost your virginity important?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 08, 2012 09:16 PM
But claiming it’s not important is just silly. Everything is important. It is one important thing among many.


It's important, in that it's an event that happened in my life. Is it important on that earth shattering, this changed everything I know to be true, this is one of those days I mark on my calendar and celebrate every year level? Of course not.

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