Forum: Adults / Married Life

Married Life
Working opposite shifts...
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7765, member since Sun Nov 21, 2004
On Mon Jun 18, 2012 04:13 PM

Hubby just got switched to nights (10-6am) after years of working days (6-2)...

3 years of being married we have only spent 3 nights apart... last night was the first night and I barely slept a wink. It was too quiet and too lonely (I was tempted to wake up my daughter and take her into bed with me). He came home at 330am and things felt normal again... though the little one was up at 6am and woke me up.

It's going to take an adjustment thats for sure. I'm trying to talk him into working the 4 10's so that we will have 3 nights together at least.... selfish I know... LOL

I know I will get over it, but last night I had to leave the TV on to sleep.

13 Replies to Working opposite shifts...

re: Working opposite shifts...
By MarlaSingermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3906, member since Fri Jul 25, 2008
On Mon Jun 18, 2012 05:18 PM
My husband went through a brief period of working 10PM - 7AM before we were married but after we'd started living together. I work 7AM - 3:30PM, just for reference. The way we did it was that when he got home in the morning, he would sit with me while I ate breakfast and then go to bed after I left for work. He would wake up shortly before I got home, and we would have dinner together, and then I would get in bed as he was getting ready to leave for work, and he'd say goodnight to me before he left. The hardest part was the weekends, because I'd be ready to get up and get going around 9AM, and he'd want to sleep until well into the afternoon. So I'd get up and tiptoe around and do stuff by myself for several hours before he was even awake, and then of course I'd be ready to go to sleep way before he was at night. It was doable, but it was really hard, so I definitely feel for you.

The best advice I can give is just to get creative with the time you have available and make the most of it. Don't sacrifice sleep to spend time together because you'll just end up tired and cranky in the long run. And realize that this is going to be a major adjustment for him in a physical sense. Switching your sleep schedule like that really takes a toll on your body. Even when Mark was sleeping 8 hours a day, he was still exhausted more or less constantly from having to be awake all night long. It got better eventually, but it took him a long time. It's not like jet lag, because with jet lag you are at least awake when the sun's out and asleep when it's dark. I think I really could have stood to be more understanding about just how hard it was for him, instead of just focusing on how hard it was for us to spend time together.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7765, member since Sun Nov 21, 2004
On Mon Jun 18, 2012 08:54 PM
Oh I totally know this is going to be brutal on him... I actually took my phone off its usual vibrate staus because I worried about something happening to him driving to and from work. Which is another reason for me not sleeping I think.

I know that he asked for my help today as far as looking for another job or looking into going back to school... (he seems to think that going to school from 8-12 on a daily basis is going to allow him enough time to sleep and do homework... and actually see his family for a little bit each day).
re: Working opposite shifts...
By ladybugbop Comments: 89, member since Sun Nov 27, 2011
On Mon Jun 18, 2012 09:31 PM
I know how you feel! Working opposite shifts is hard! I work from 9-6 and he works from 4-1 so when I get home he is already gone and when he gets home i'm already asleep. What I've decided to do is come home on lunches so I can catch up with him for that hour, I also go see him on his lunches. Even though it's only an hour you would be surprised how much that short time can help! :) Sometimes it can make for a long day but I say it's worth it. The only day we both have off is Sunday and we've made that "our day" we don't make plans with other people on that day and we spend that day just together.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7765, member since Sun Nov 21, 2004
On Mon Jun 18, 2012 09:42 PM
What I need help with is getting used to sleeping on my own? Do they sell snore simulators? Cause I complain about it but I also miss it.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By Summer Comments: 1255, member since Sat Sep 09, 2006
On Tue Jun 19, 2012 06:53 AM
Been there: for some months I worked 7-3:30 and my husband worked from 3ish to about midnight. He'd be asleep when I got up for work, and by the time he was home at night I was fast asleep. We'd go for days without seeing each other awake, even though we were living in the same apartment! Happily, I've been moved over to 2nd shift so our schedules are much more in synch now.


When I was having a hard time falling asleep without him, I'd cuddle up with extra pillows around me: it made me feel safer, somehow. Also try a white noise machine if you think that'd help. It sucks to not be able to go to bed and wake up together, but sometimes you gotta do sucky things for a job. :P I'm sorry.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By RibenaRockstar Comments: 426, member since Tue Mar 09, 2010
On Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:49 PM
LlamaLlamaDuck wrote:

What I need help with is getting used to sleeping on my own? Do they sell snore simulators? Cause I complain about it but I also miss it.


I'm sure you'd be able to find a snore sound effect online which you could put onto a CD or something.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7765, member since Sun Nov 21, 2004
On Wed Jun 20, 2012 01:16 AM
Slept slightly better last night... my mom suggested bringing the dog into my room as he is the loudest snorer in the house... seriously a 12lb yorkie should not be capable of making noise that loud.

We are trying to get into a routine of putting the little one down together before he goes to work. It's good because it's not really something that he helped with in the past.
re: Working opposite shifts...
By kellyl0907 Comments: 24, member since Thu Aug 09, 2012
On Wed Aug 15, 2012 09:54 PM
It's not selfish to want to spend as much time as you can together. It's actually very important. If you can make it work, it will be all for the better! Good Luck!
re: Working opposite shifts...
By hummingbird Comments: 10414, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Wed Aug 15, 2012 11:52 PM
When we lived in Europe my husband used to do long haul work so he would be away for at least a week at a time, I found that having the dogs in our room really helped me sleep. Most nights our Greyhound would sneak up onto the duvet, she was much better at stealing the covers than he's ever been :O .
re: Working opposite shifts...
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6359, member since Thu Jul 12, 2007
On Thu Aug 16, 2012 01:57 AM
I had a lot of shift work with all kinds of patterns. In my case it was a question of working in 24 hour watch centers for my agency with the other 24 hour watches in Washington: My agency, CIA, the White House Situation Room, the Pentagon "War Room", State Dept. and several others in the intelligence community. Most of these were rotating shifts...six on two off...and every two weeks we changed shifts. In regular area intelligence centers we had many crises and we worked improvised shifts. During the "so-called" Six Day War in 1967 I worked 12 to 16 hour day, most including the night watch from March through Christmas. I was one of the very few Arabic linguists we had. Of course, we could never plan these world crises, they happened and we simply adjusted our lives. And people wonder why I get ticked when politicians denigrate the career Civil Service and tell us we are overpaid. I can't say that I ever totally got used to it. When I retired my wife also got a medal!

Jon
re: Working opposite shifts...
By LlamaLlamaDuckmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7765, member since Sun Nov 21, 2004
On Thu Aug 16, 2012 03:17 AM
I'm kinda getting used to it and in a small way enjoying some quiet time to myself... he leaves for work at 9 and the kid goes to bed at 9, so I have 9-bedtime to myself... it's nice.

I'm sleeping with the tv on most nights... sigh.

Ummm not to get graphic but how does one maintain a sex life?
re: Working opposite shifts...
By hummingbird Comments: 10414, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Thu Aug 16, 2012 03:22 AM
You do it when you both happen to be at home together, it worked for us, we have four kids so we did it at least four times when he was working these hours :P

It's a lot easier now, they're all older and they sleep in the basement!
re: Working opposite shifts...
By reel_faerie85member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 4130, member since Mon Mar 08, 2010
On Sat Oct 06, 2012 03:27 PM
Martin and I pretty much work opposite shifts, mine are randomly selected by the computer system the NHS has adopted (which is pretty rubbish - October = Late late night, off for 4, two nights, off for 3, early, late, late, early, early, off, night, night). Martin works a 3 weekly rota.

My shifts are 7-3, 12-8 or 7:30pm - 7:45am, he works 6-2 or 2-10 and no nights.

Its very rare we work the same shifts so usually see each other for a few hours before and after work. There has been weeks where I've seen him for about an hour in 4 or 5 days.

It takes some getting used to but you will get there. Use the spare time to pamper yourself, do some yoga/pilates, have a relaxing bath, do your nails etc.

ReplySendWatch