Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

GLBT PG-13
What should I have done differently in this situation?
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7113, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Sat Jul 28, 2012 02:07 AM

At a Bible study for 9 - 12 year olds at my church last week, which I ended up helping in for a few minutes after doing some work, there was 12 year old boy who has recently come out as gay. I actually already knew he was gay, and if I hadn't, it wouldn't have been a suprise to find out. We were all hanging out, playing a game, when another one of the boys said to me "He's gay, you know." I just said "Haha, cool" and then smiled at the boy, who smiled back, and we carried on playing the game.

It was just a bit random the way the other boy announced it, so I didn't really have time think about how to react. Obviously, there's nothing that I can do to go back and change it now, but it got me wondering, what should I have done differently? Is there anyone here who came out at a young age? How would you have wanted the adults in your life to react to you being homosexual or bisexual?

5 Replies to What should I have done differently in this situation?

re: What should I have done differently in this situation?
By KaydeeJayde Comments: 190, member since Thu Jul 21, 2011
On Fri Jul 27, 2012 09:09 PM
Edited by KaydeeJayde (238321) on 2012-07-27 21:11:05
That response would have been fine for me. I'm bisexual, but when I came out, none of my friends made a big deal of it which was absolutely fine with me since I didn't feel like it was a big deal, it's just the way I am. When people get told that I'm bisexual, or if I mention a girlfriend, I'm happy more with a "Oh, cool," response than I am with a "wait, girlfriend?!" or "oh wow, you're gay?!" or whatever other kinds of surprised or confused reactions I get sometimes. I don't think you did anything wrong in the situation, your reaction was fine :) What makes you think you should have done something differently?

EDIT: I came out as gay at 14, and people were constantly telling me that I couldn't possibly know yet (which annoyed me so much), but they were kind of right, because I realised I was bisexual at probably... 17-ish when I fell for a guy.
re: What should I have done differently in this situation?
By Gavrilushka Comments: 872, member since Wed Jul 11, 2012
On Sat Jul 28, 2012 03:44 AM
There's nothing wrong with that. :)

I don't see why people sometimes think that coming out has to be some sort of ceremonious, private thing. Personally, I never 'came out'. Everyone just assumed and knew I was gay. I was always very open about it and voiced my opinion. When I was a kid I used to dream of having a prince and I remember drawing a picture of my prince charming and showing my dad.

So..in a way there was no need for me to say "Hey I'm gay." Everyone just knew because I had no shame in saying that the guy who sits next to me in history class was HOT!

When I brought my first boyfriend home it wasn't a shock either. I think for my friends and family it would have been more of a shock if I brought a GIRL home! Then I would have to come out straight! :P

But yeah, gay and proud and I don't think you should or could have done it differently. It's all cool. :) Just make sure you give him a pat on the back because it is a very difficult and brave thing to come out sometimes. :)
re: What should I have done differently in this situation?
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11250, member since Tue Feb 26, 2002
On Sat Jul 28, 2012 10:02 AM
About the only thing I can think of is that you might want to counsel the boy who told you that the other boy was gay, that it's not really his right to go around telling people that.

The two boys might have some sort of agreement where the gay boy doesn't mind if his friend tells people for him, but I can also think of several occasions in my own life where friends of mine have been really mad that other people have disclosed their sexuality before they have, or to people that they would prefer not to know that information.

A conversation around "every person's sexuality and sex life is their business and not for us to talk about to other people" might be a valuable thing for the group at large, if it's the sort of thing that would be appropriate in your curriculum.

Otherwise frame it as "some people have secrets and if we know what they are we should always check with the person before we tell someone else".

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: What should I have done differently in this situation?
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7113, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Sat Jul 28, 2012 05:50 PM
Edited by SiyoNqoba (34789) on 2012-07-28 17:53:04
Thank you all so much :)

I don't know why I got worried that I should have said something different. It's just that he's only a little kid, and he's potentially dealing with some big stuff at the moment. I feel it's really important for him to feel accepted and respected by the adults in his life. I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do, and I want to make sure I do the right thing by him.
re: What should I have done differently in this situation?
By J1ll Comments: 2344, member since Wed Oct 14, 2009
On Sun Jul 29, 2012 01:44 AM
Honestly I think you did the right thing. Turning it into a bigger deal makes it seem like a big deal. Treating it with casual acceptance makes it completely normal. Which to me is the appropriate response.

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