Forum: Irish / Irish - MAIDs

Advice for friendship with other mother...
By luckycharms5
On Sun Aug 19, 2012 02:52 AM

I am having a small dilemma that I don't want to interfer with a friendship with another mother at our school. Our daughters started dance together and we have been helping each other understand the crazy world of ID since the beginning. Our daughters became eligible to begin feising at the same time- my daughter started then but she did not start her daughter until the following year. Needless to say, now her daughter is a year behind mine- mine in AB, moving to novice and she is still in beginner. So once we were on common ground and now we are not. My daughter is now beginning to have other things come her way because of her being a bit ahead. I am finding it challenging to talk to her about things now- I don't want to bring up certain things because I feel that it will make her feel bad. I can tell that it also bothers her daughter that she is not getting to do some of the things my daughter is. Unfortunatley, most of it is only because she did not start competing in the same year. I have taken the path of not bringing something up unless she asks, but I feel like the relationship is becoming uncomfortable. I don't want her to feel like I am bragging about something. I don't want her to feel like I am hiding anything either - I just want to be respectful of her feelings.

Any advice from seasoned MAIDS?

8 Replies to Advice for friendship with other mother...

re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By ChristinePremium member
On Sun Aug 19, 2012 03:22 AM
Not a seasoned MAID, but a mother and a dance teacher, so here goes...

It is possible that this other mother doesn't "feel bad" at all. Her child is still having a nice experience, and if she is friends with your daughter, she has a kind of "big sister" to help her with things your daughter has already experienced that may be new to her. It is important that both girls feel joy in sharing the things they are experiencing now. Your daughter doesn't need to hide her excitement, and the other child shouldn't feel discounted because she isn't there yet. She will be.

Be complementary to the child, friendly to the mother, and don't over think this too much. If a child is second grade learns to write in cursive, that doesn't mean that first grade children will feel bad because they are still printing. I know you're trying to be nice, but maybe this isn't a very big deal.

I hope it all works out happily.

Keep On Dancing*
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By diamondmom
On Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:38 PM
My friend has a daughter who has been dancing longer than my son. My son is now in prelims and her daughter is approaching pw. They are both the best of friends and my son helps her with some key things that would help with her dance. There is no competition between the two, just two people cheering each other on while dancing. Mom and I have been friends for years even before the kids came along and are friendship still continues to this day. If the kids get along very well, their friendship will continue regardless. The girls can still share the support with one another and each personal successes along the way. I have seen this in my son's dance school as well.
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By FromIreland
On Sat Aug 25, 2012 01:56 AM
Take a look at latest entry.
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By dancemomtoo
On Sat Aug 25, 2012 05:03 PM
I really think you are overthinking this-especially at these lower levels -you guys have a loooooong future together and you should just be normal-watch and cheer each other on-let the girls run around together at feises when not waiting to dance-get ice cream together afterwards and have fun
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By Ceilimom2
On Thu Aug 30, 2012 07:12 PM
We are very lucky at our school that all the parents seem to get along and enjoy the experience of the kids learning and performing dance. Everyone is at different levels and at one point or another have had to face disappointments and joys; its all part of the game, I think.
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By lmcdo02
On Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:43 AM
Just stay friendly and supportive, and keep your conversations light about where the girls are at performance wise. In the end, they will probably end up being at the same level and she will appreciate how supportive you were along the way.
re: Advice for friendship with other mother...
By chevrechevalmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Oct 22, 2012 01:29 AM
Friendly and supportive is the way to go. Might go without saying, but treat her how you would want to be treated. And, the going out for ice cream afterwards is another great idea!
re: Advice for friendship with other mother... (karma: 1)
By GraciesMAID
On Wed Oct 24, 2012 06:10 AM
My DD started dancing about 5 months after a good friend did. The two have danced together for 7 years now, each year the friend just a step (or level) ahead of my DD. There have been tears and competitions, and laughs, and hugs, and celebrations all those years.
At one point, my DD, going through a particularly tough feis year, considered retiring from Irish. She was so distraught that she wasn't where she thought she should be and her friend was.
I don't have many prolific moments, but at that moment I had one.
"All roads lead to championships," I said. "It is a journey, not a race, but at some point, you all wind up at the same finish line."
If you stick with it, if you work hard, have fun, and remember why you do it (because you love it!) you will land in champs.
By the way, my DD is now prelim, her friend just made open, so we are again "one step behind" but the hugs and cheers are on both sides... and there is only one finish line: your personal best.


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