Grania's Bio

My growth as a person and a dancer is very important and significant to me, because I have had to face challenges that most dancers don't have to deal with.

I was born 2.5 months early, and as such I weighed a mere 2 pounds, 5.5 ounces. I suffered a grade 4 cerebral hemorrhage, which led to brain damage, Cerebral Palsy, a hearing loss, a seizure disorder, and spastic quadriplegia.

I took my first dance lesson at the age of twelve. Since then, I've done a little tap, jazz, and ballet. I even tried bellydancing once. But most of my dancing experience is in Irish dancing.

Over the years, I've operated under the impression that I had to do everything RIGHT NOW, which has been really hard on my dancing. Because of my various physical difficulties, dancing is so much harder for me than it would be for someone who didn't have these conditions. And I felt so much pressure to be good at it...so when I couldn't get something right (even when I practiced), it was far too easy for me to get discouraged and give up. Because of this vicious cycle, I have been unable to get very far with dancing, but the passion I have for it has never gone away, so I keep coming right back to it.

Recently, I've undergone a major shift in the way I think about dancing. I'm far more mature as a person now. I understand that in order to accomplish what I want in dance, first I'm going to have to strengthen my muscles, improve my balance, and loosen my hip flexors. I understand now that it's going to be a slow process, but if I do a little bit every day, I will get where I want to go.

I also understand now that it's about the journey and just being able to enjoy the art (as opposed to feeling compelled to turn professional by age 18 when I didn't start until 12). I understand that it doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as I get there. And if I go slowly and gradually build up, I will.

I'm also in a much better position now because I have a lot more resources--my own income, proper fitting dance shoes (and places to get them), as well as the Internet and DDN. I didn't have any of these things when I started dancing, which impeded my progress until I was forced to quit.

I also understand that technique is important--if I go really slowly, focusing on one step at a time, while maintaining proper technique at the same time; the benefits will be ENORMOUS in the long run. Eventually, I won't have to go so slowly...and once I establish a firm foundation in the basic steps, I will be able to dance and ENJOY dancing so much more.

For me, these epiphanies are a HUGE part of my development as a person, artist, and dancer. I regret that it didn't happen sooner; but I understand now that these things won't happen until you're ready for them to happen. It's not something that someone can tell you (despite my stepdad's frequent and extremely fruitless lectures in an attempt to make me understand). It didn't happen then because I wasn't ready for it--just like I waited three years after graduating high school before I felt ready to start college.

I am much older now, but I firmly believe that it is happening now because I am ready for it now. And I believe that now that it has happened, I will be able to stay with dancing for as long as I yearn for it--and as a result, I will achieve my ultimate goal: to be able to dance the complex choreography that I am forever seeing inside my head. It is torture not to be able to dance it...so I know I have to rectify that so that I can use the abundance of creative energy that I am constantly feeling!

I can do it now. I'm ready for it now.

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